Guest Blogger Friday—April 27,2012 edition…

Suck it, hookers!

No blog for you!!!

Dark Side was here!!!

Ghost Sports review….and other stuff…

Howdy Ghost fans…

First, my “teams” are the St. Louis Cardinals (defending World Champs, y’all!),

the Cleveland Browns (Dawg Pound for life!), 

Phoenix Suns (Steve Nash is the man, and if he retires this season, the league is losing one helluva man, let alone a player.)

and the Washington Capitals (who just knocked off the defending champs Boston in 7 straight One-goal games, including 4 OT games.)

Explaining the wild diverse span there will take far too much time….so I’ll try to boil it down…I started playing football in junior high, and didn’t want to root for the local team just because they were good, so while playing Tecmo Bowl on the NES, I started trying out different squads…Let’s just say that Bernie Kosar, Clay Matthews and Ozzie Newsome made an impact on me.  Throw in Kevin Mack, Webster Slaughter, Gerald “The IceCube” McNeil, Eric Metcalf and the list goes on…I found my team.  They were pretty darn good late 80′s/early 90′s…I got hooked.

The Phoenix Suns were a little more complicated.  My favorite player growing up was Charles Barkley.  I briefly rooted for the Sixers, but when he got traded to Phoenix (where I have some cousins) I had a team.  From Kevin Johnson to Dan Majerle to Jason Kidd to Steve Nash…and briefly the Big Shaqtus…How could I forget the Matrix? I found a team that I liked and wanted to root for.

I’ve always been a St. Louis Cardinal fan.  Dad loved them, and where I’m from, you either root for the Redbirds or the Cubs.  Never really considered anything else.

The Caps?  Well, from the early NHL video games on Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo, Dino Ciccarelli, Dale Hunter, Al Iafrate and Don Beaupre were it.  They had cool uniforms, and Iafrate could beat that ass!  Dale Hunter could throw down too.  In the old days, you had to just keep running into guys til someone would fight….you wanted to stay the F*CK away from Marty McSorley of the Kings and Bob Probert of the Red Wings..those dudes would end your night quick!!!

Which actually brings me back to my original point…even in the early days of these hockey games, when you could start creating players, you couldn’t make black dudes…there weren’t any in the NHL and they just weren’t an option….but the game 7 winning goal last night was scored by the only black player on the Caps squad, Joel Ward.

And people started tweeting all sorts of ignorant racist sh*t.

http://espn.go.com/nhl/playoffs/2012/story/_/id/7858832/2012-stanley-cup-playoffs-joel-ward-washington-capitals-not-letting-racist-tweets-ruin-biggest-goal

This was an EPIC series.  A number 7 seed upsetting a number 2.  In seven straight one-goal games with four OT matches tossed in there too!  Just great hockey.  The young Caps Goaltender going head to head with the dude who stood on his head and lead the Bruins to the championship just the year before.

The Capitals head coach was pulling their best scorer with leads, to play more defensive minded players.  Just a ton of strategy and nail biting.

Why the f*ck is race even still an issue?  Grow the hell up people.  I guarantee if those same morons tweeting last night had a black player on the Bruins score the game winning goal, that same kind of nonsense wouldn’t have been coming out of their mouth.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise anyone that ignorance is still alive and kicking.  Do everyone a favor…and smack any friends or family who you hear talking like this.  It’s seriously time to put an end to this crap.  Make the effort to smack the ignorance out of people today.  I’ll work on getting my lawyer buddies to draft a law to get Congress to approve.  If you hear someone spouting off “hate speech” you are free to slap the piss out of them.  We’ll call it Preemptive Applied Reeducation Therapy.  If it prevents hate crimes or just keeps people from staying stupid sh*t, it’s totally worth it.

(Hold still. Let me slap that out!!!)

Think we can get this law to pass?  Is anyone really in opposition to it?

Ghost out…

Have you ever…the Dark Side edition…

What’s up, b*tches?

Dark Side here…stealing back the keyboard from the crybaby…I figured we needed to redeem our manhood with a little Dark Side spin on yesterday’s emotional twaddle…so here goes:

Have you ever told someone to ‘Go f*ck themselves’ via text and then forgot that you did…because they matter that little?

Have you ever used the Force to toss a Stormtrooper out the window…just cause you could?

Have you ever looked someone in the eye…knew they were into you..and smirked..cause you knew, that they knew…that you ‘had’ them?

Have you ever bought a girl a drink…and stole it right back minutes later? (What up, Leathernutz?)

Have you ever rocked someone’s world…but then couldn’t tell anyone…because they were an exes’ best friend/sister/cousin/acquaintance?

Have you ever flirted with someone…who was WAY out of your damn league…but got their number anyway?

Ever wanted to just smack someone for saying something dumb?

Ever actually done it?

Ever thought that someone was the dumbest person ever….but then heard them say something else that confirmed it?

Ever throw your boss off a balcony to their death?

Ever told someone that you weren’t wanting to date seriously, but have them beg you to come over to have sex with them?

Ever go?

Ever tried to list the people that you’ve had sex with and called somebody, ‘That brunette..at that bar’?

Ever write a blog about the crazy crap that’s happened to you?

Ever told the God’s honest truth…and still have people doubt you…and then have that really hot chick you hooked up with confirm the story in front of your crew?

Ever honestly told your boys that you didn’t do anything with a girl…and have them not believe you?

Ever have an exes’ new person consistently swear they were still sleeping with you?

Ever had to have a conversation with your 14 year old about ‘manscaping’? (DON’T USE THE LIGHTSABER, LD!!!)

Ever have a girl tell you that she wants to have your babies…in the middle of sex…so you get up and leave?

Ever wonder how dumb the average human being actually is?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

Dark Side rules!!!

Ghost out…

Have you ever…

So, we’re letting the whiny one have the keyboard for a minute here…Please don’t embarrass us….

Have you ever….

Haver you ever missed someone that you just met? Someone you’ve never met?

Have you ever sat tortured by your cell phone….agonizing over it’s silence…disappointed when the spam email or text from the ‘wrong’ person pops up?

Forced yourself through your day…setting time spans…in between those psychotic trips to check your phone for a text or missed call?

Had that moment where everything that other person says…is exactly what you wanted them to say?

Found an old ticket stub or credit card receipt from a date that was weeks or months ago….and smiled?

Started texting ANYONE AND EVERYONE in your address book…just trying to take your mind off someone?

Taken a nap to try to get someone off your mind…only to dream about them?

Have you ever been stood up?

Gotten your hopes up and built someone up so much in your head, and then you actually go out on a date with them…and realize you’re not really feeling it?

Have you ever made a list of attributes that the ‘perfect’ person would have….and then meet someone that has them?

Have you ever watched someone go out with someone else…because you were too afraid to ask them out yourself?

Have you ever just walked up to someone, told them how amazing their eyes/smile/look was…and then walked away?

Have you ever wanted to throw up or die….instead of walking the 15 feet across a room to say hello to someone who caught your eye?

Have you ever stayed in a relationship…while secretly wishing you’d have had the guts to end it and chase after someone else?

Have you ever sat alone…at home…on a Friday/Saturday night…and just f*cking enjoyed the silence?

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “Wow…I’d really like to date someone like that…”…but decide they’d probably just be too much work/drama/maintenance?

Have you ever woken up next to someone in bed and thought, “F*ck….why am I here?”…..Again?

Have you ever let someone go…and been happy for them when they ended up with someone else….who actually made them happy?

Have you ever wondered if you were actually MEANT to be alone…for  now?….forever?

Have you ever been happy just being single, but then….meet someone…who you can’t get out of your head?

Have you ever brushed hands with someone and felt a spark?

Have you ever gotten butterflies just walking next to someone?

Have you ever listened to someone b*tch about their significant other….while you secretly wished they were with you?

Have you ever ignored an advance of a friend…because you were afraid to risk a friendship for love?

Have you ever wasted an entire lunch break trying to write a text to someone…only to change your mind and not send it?

Have you ever been blown off?

Have you ever risked embarassment to tell someone exactly how you felt about them?

Ever do that and have it end terribly?

Ever wish you could turn feelings off forever and just have sex with someone…anyone?

Ever wished you could just catch one more hour with someone you’re no longer with?

Ever wonder what might have been…if you hadn’t done that thing…or gotten so upset about that one stupid thing someone did to you that one time?

Ever just wish you could turn your damn brain off?

Have you ever been strung along?

Ever been used?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Lied to?

Have you ever been walked away from?

Ignored….like you didn’t even exist…by someone who used to claim to love you?

Have you ever dated someone, but secretly wished you were with their best friend?

Have you ever just wanted to f*cking scream?

Have you ever fell in love at first sight?

Have you ever gotten excited because someone remembered your name?

Have you ever had someone run up to you excited to see you…and have no f*cking clue who they were?

Ever meet someone’s parent…later in life..and have them tell you all about how much their kid talked about you in high school…and realize you had no idea who they were?

Ever wish that one person…in school, who you ignored/teased…you would have just taken a risk and asked out….to hell with what your friends would have said?

Ever wonder what the f*ck is wrong with you, when you seem to have a ton of good friends and people who care about you, but you’re still f*cking single?

Have you ever given up?

Have you ever heard a song….and thought of someone and cried?

Ever heard a song, turned that f*cker up, and scream the lyrics in the car as loud as you could…cause you were finally free?

Have you ever rolled over in bed and reached for someone who wasn’t there?  And never was going to be again?

Have you ever woke up afraid…and have someone there to cuddle up with to make it better?

Have you ever wished you were deaf to escape incessant b*tching?

Have you ever thrown something at someone?

Ever had to duck dishes being chucked at your head?

Have you ever been sitting in the middle of a giant pile of ‘Everything is F*cked’…and thought…’I'll get through this’?

~~~Pathos

For the Ghost….We’re out…

Dark Side grammar lesson for the Lost Demon…

Here goes:

Ghost: Gonna call you when I get off work.

Lost Demon: ok i will be waiting

Ghost: Your reply should have been….Yes, my master.  Like Darth Vader.

Lost Demon: yess masster

Ghost: No…It’s…Yes, my master. Vader…not Igor.

Lost Demon: vader i am your son

Ghost: Quit trying to argue. I said LIKE Vader. That’s how Sith address their masters…jabroni….and f*cking use some punctuation while I’m at it!!!

Lost Demon: i was pulling a movie quote in reverse. luke i am your father? yes, my master

Ghost:  Better, now try some Caps too.

Lost Demon: Yes, my master

Ghost: Period. Use the damn period!

Lost Demon: YES, MY MASTER.

Ghost: Too much capitals…now you’re yelling. Dumbass. Try again.

Lost Demon: Yes, my master.

Ghost: There you go.  Much better.

Lost Demon: x facepalm x

Ghost: You’re gonna think Facepalm when I use the Force to reach through the phone and smack you in the back of the head.

Lost Demon: Haha

Ghost: Little punk…wait til I see you next…

Lost Demon: x gulp x

Ghost: Mwuhuhahaha!!!

Lost Demon: i have no idea on how to respond

Ghost: Try using correct grammar and punctuation.

Lost Demon. Ok I will.

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Sigh….kids…eventually, you have to turn over the keys to the stardestroyer….

Ghost out…

Guest blogger Friday! April 20, 2012 edition

What’s up, f*ckers? (Channeling my Steve Stiffler from the American Pie movies.)

Hey Cub fans…here’s what you have to  brag about at this very moment:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
St. Louis	9	4	.692	-	4-2	5-2	73	42	+31	Lost 1	7-3	73.9
Milwaukee	6	7	.462	3	3-3	3-4	54	67	-13	Lost 1	5-5	39.7
Pittsburgh	5	7	.417	3.5	2-1	3-6	26	35	-9	Won 2	4-6	7.4
Cincinnati	5	8	.385	4	3-3	2-5	39	56	-17	Won 1	3-7	14.2
Houston	4	8	.333	4.5	3-3	1-5	46	49	-3	Lost 4	3-7	6.1
Chicago Cubs	3	10	.231	6	2-5	1-5	46	67	-21	Lost 5	2-8	8.9

Yep…Didn’t even make it to May and your asses are in the basement…Bahahahahahaha!!!!!

Where did you all go?  You were so vocal about the ring presentation in St. Louis. 

Crickets…..crickets….

Oh well…as you know, Ghost takes Friday’s off to play video games and chase women…or run from women chasing him…however it’s working that day…

Anyway, here’s a woman’s take on strip clubs…given that I used to date a “dancer”, I found this take remarkably uncontroversial…and at the same time…humanized the “strippers”.  Having spent time with “dancers” while they’re not at work…I can attest…some of them actually are quite interesting people.

Without further ado…I give you 21st Century and her take on strip clubs:

http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/6-things-you-dont-know-about-strip-clubs/

Have fun this weekend b*tches!

Ghost has been invited to work security for roller derby, go to beerfest, and has a couple of ladies trying to catch the Ghost for what he can only assume is branding and then getting locked in a corral.  Oh yeah..and then he’s working Sunday again.

Should be some interesting stories this weekend anyway.

Ghost out…

Ghost, you funny b@stard…

Hey there, Ghost fans…Have a riddle for you…

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So, a white guy, a black guy and a Mexican all walk into a sportsbar to watch game 7 of the World Series…The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”….So he looks at the white guy, and the white guy says, “I’ll be drinking a Guinness for every run my team scores tonight, but start me off with one now!”…He looks at the black guy, and the black guy says, ”I’m downing a Captain and Diet Coke for every strike out our pitchers get tonight, but start me off with one now!”…He looks at the Mexican, and the Mexican says, “Give me a Pacifico, and I’ll do a shot of tequila at the top of every inning for good luck,  because my team is getting a title tonight!”….Which one is the Cub fan?

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So, Ghost has been sucking it a little bit on here….for that, I will not apologize.

I’ve been pretty damn tired here recently.  Have some good days, have some bad ones.  The days where I don’t type a lot are better, so I’m going to have to shorten up my posts, or post less often.

I’ve decided to channel some of my creative juices and finally write the book that I’ve wanted to since I was about 17.  Maybe work on two at the same time.  Look for something in the fantasy/sci-fi/zombie genre.  Who knows what’ll come out of my head.

Figure out that riddle yet?

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So, the white guy…not the Cub fan.

The black guy…not the Cub fan.

The Mexican….also, not the Cub fan.

It’s the bartender.  Seriously…Any REAL baseball fan would have called in sick for Game 7…and a Cub fan would never need to call in for a World Series game…let alone a game 7. 

Go Redbirds!  Defending Champs.  Quit talking smack Cub fans…Especially when you’ve got nothing to brag about.

Ghost out…

What does Ghost want to be when he grows up?…

Howdy Ghost Fans,

First order of business….The Succubus dislikes her nickname…so, she’s being renamed.

This is permanent…and irrevocable…(unless I think of something that I find more humorous, or that pisses her off even more.)

From here going forward, she will now be known as:

She Who Must Not Be Named…or SWMNBN.

My oldest was a huge Harry Potter fan.  I managed to plan a family vacation one year and didn’t realize that the midnight release of the “Half Blood Prince” was going to happen while we were out of town.  I called the local Borders near the hotel, and the manager slipped me a bogus number in line, AND gave me one of the special Harry Potter boxes that they receive the books in.  I tore some resume paper and tied it with a red ribbon and wrote him a note from Harry Potter and set the box out on our balcony.

When he woke up, I told him an owl dropped it off.  He was pretty geeked about it.

(Go shop at Borders.  They take care of their customers. )

So anyway, she gets her nickname from the main evil character in the Harry Potter series.

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Next order of business….I am truly losing my ever-loving mind.

Subzero is my boy…and when I’m worried that I’m slipping a belt, I usually chat with him.  Our text convo went sort of like this:

Subzero- What’s up, Manwhore?

Ghost – Well, I have a few ladies hollering at me, I’m sitting at work making double-time…and there is almost no work to be done, my kids are awesome…can’t really complain.

SZ- That’s cool. Ghost is the man with the ladies…Haha.

Ghost- I’m feeling the need to do something stupid..or just hide for like three weeks at home and play video games.

SZ- Lmao…do both.

Ghost- I really think I’m losing my damn mind..like EXTRA Ain’t Right.

SZ- Haha

(Not exactly what I was looking for, but it made me feel better….it really isn’t advisable to encourage me to do something stupid….Dark Side and Pathos are cooking something up….it could be amazing….could be stupendously idiotic…)

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Prodigy: This work, school, whole “do something with your life” is a real conundrum.

Knight: Yes, do we do something honorable/noble…do we search out our “calling” as intended by our creator?

Prodigy: Or do we research job fields that we hold talent in that have excellent employment opportunities emerging?  Do we go back to school to get a special certification or retrain to do something completely different?

Knight: We can’t let the Emotional One decide…and letting Dark Side plan our future is like putting a drug addict in charge of guarding the pharmacy…

Prodigy:  How do we decide?  We have a good job, but we really aren’t being challenged.  We could be earning so much more doing something else…or doing something we love to do…or something we’re good at….or something we’re good at AND love to do….or something that just pays us A LOT OF MONEY THAT WE HATE…OR…OR…OR….

Dark Side (Sliding in, cuffs Prodigy in the back of the head): Go sit down nerd…before you have a melt down.

Prodigy wanders off muttering to himself…

Pathos: Well, I think we should…

(Interrupting, Dark Side and the White Knight both say simultaneously) WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO!!!

Dark Side: (Sarcastically)Follow our heart…to our calling!

Knight: The problem is friend…there are five of us up here…we’re all good at different things…enjoy different things, WANT different things….selecting the ONE path for all of us is difficult.

Dark Side: Throw in this whole “One woman at a time” policy that Ghost makes us adhere to, and now we’re forced to try to pick out a career path AND settle on a broad!

Pathos:  It really is difficult…there are so many choices.  If we settle for one now, what if we meet someone in a couple of weeks?  What if we wait too long, and lose out one something with someone now?  What if…what if…what if….

Dark Side: (Smacking Pathos in the back of the head) Go sit down, Romeo….before you get your tights wadded up in a bunch.

Pathos wanders off muttering to himself.

Knight: We have to keep our wits about us…lest that foul git Everto strike again.

Dark Side: I know.  We have got to get a f*cking plan in place though.  Those two are going to wind themselves up until they pop.  You got any ideas how to sort this out?

Knight: Not at the present, my shadowy motived colleague.

Dark Side: Not sure if that was a compliment or insult…but I’m letting it slide, Goody-TwoShoes.  Let’s start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do, and then we’ll research some jobs we might enjoy doing…..

Knight: Wait…did you just say, “Start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do” in reference toWOMEN with which we may wish to pursue a romantic interest, you amoral cad?!?

Dark Side: Quit getting tangled up in the semantics. Broads to do. Women to date…same thing.

Knight: You sorry excuse for a man…I’ll not tolerate this out of you further.

Dark Side: Dammit, Vagina Avenger! Can we focus on the tasks at hand?

Knight: Was that another snide, underhanded shot at describing fondling breasts?

Dark Side: That’s it! I’m f*cking you up!!!

(Dark Side and the Knight start brawling….while behind them in the corner…in the shadows…a figure slides out of view…)

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Shut up! Shut up!! Shut the ever-loving f*ck up!!!  Dammit!!!!

I want some Taco Bell…softshell supremes…with Verde sauce…

I need a nap…and a shower…a bowl of cocoa pebbles sounds good…maybe watch some Archer re-runs on Netflix?  Maybe I’ll play some Call of Duty with Subzero…shoot some mofos?

I need to do laundry..Gotta get those damn taxes handled in the morning…and get the oil changed…and put that damn wheel tax sticker in my window…and dammit, dammit, dammit!!!! I’m melting down here….somebody smack in the back of the damn head, please???

Ghost out…

Guest Blogger Friday…Say hello to Lemon!

Howdy, Ghost fans…

Welcome to Guest Blogger Friday…where I kidnap bloggers and force them to do my dirty work….so I can screw off!

Got my day started with a text from a couple of ladies, and my dog freaking out as I was trying to bring him…where he appears to have killed something in the back yard and was eating/playing with it’s parts…and in his mad dash into the house, he slams me into the doorframe and tears part of my right thumbnail….you rotten little motherf*cker!!!!

Well, anyway…

Today we have Lemon…there’s also a video you’ll need to click on.

http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/04/12/the-escalator-video/

This one today will hopefully get you thinking about your perspective, and how you view your life.

If you think it’s sh*t…it will be.

Your attitude makes the entire difference…like laughing at my hand tremors…they’re less funny when they happen to my eye…but I try to laugh then too.  Life’s too short.  Find humor in everything you do….you’ll enjoy a lot more of your life.

Ghost out…

Thanks Lemon for being a dear and letting me slack today!

Ohhhhh….the sh*t that comes out of Ghost’s mouth…

Ghost fans…

Had a couple good days the last two days…still laughing when I get the hand tremors…

Thought I’d risk an upper body work out today.  We’ll see how that works. Probably try to run some tomorrow. 

Thought I’d share some stupid things that have come up in my life here recently.

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Ghost–”Why is she such a crazy b*tch?”

     —Friend replies, “Do you know any ‘rational/logical ones’?”

Ghost– “Fair point.”

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At Work—

Ghost–”Here’s the phone, man.”

–Coworker, “Oh, I’m not using it anymore.  But ‘Frank’ is.”

Ghost–”I was just in the office with him…why didn’t he ask for it?”

–Coworker, “Because he’s f*cking stupid.”

(Why yes, yes he is…certainly walked into that one did I.)

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On, Halloween, Ghost went as Will Ferrell’s character in Semi-Pro, Jackie Moon. 

(THIS GUY!!!!)

This conversation happened with my mom, now keep in mind….that there was NO lead in to this conversation…It starts COLD, just like this:

“Hey, your Halloween costume is getting a sequel?”

Me — “What?”

Mom– “You know, that Will Ferrell guy that I don’t like? He announced he’s doing a sequel to that movie…you know..Anchorguy…Ron Jeremy?”

Me—(Literally rolling on the couch in a fit of laughter) “Oh sh*t, Mom!  That’s totally going in my blog.”

Mom– “Why?”

Me– “Ron BURGUNDY, Mom.  Ron Jeremy is a porn star…I went as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro, anyway.”

Mom– “F*ck you.  You knew what I meant.”

(Stay Classy, San Diego.)

(Stay Trampy, Everywhere else!!! Hey, Ghost..can you introduce me to that Snarky Kat chick?)

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Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 online with Subzero….

Random (good) player… “Man, you guys suck!  We completely dominated your asses.  If I were you guys, I’d kill myself….that was pathetic.”

Ghost… “Well, sh*t for brains…I have a life outside of Gamerland…during our match I’ve been texting two different girls, I’m about to head out to run a couple errands, then I’m headed to a party later and maybe some karaoke.  Have fun camped out in your mommy’s basement, spanking it to internet porn tonight.  I’m out…”

Subzero laughing his ass off… “You told him, Ghost.”

Take two…

Random 14 year old (very good) gamer,  “You guys are absolute sh*t!  Do you even know how to play the game? You guys are the worst players I’ve ever seen.”

Ghost: “Well, Timmy…I worked all night at my JOB, I can’t play 16 hours a day to get as good as you are.  Secondly, when your mommy makes you get off here in about 15 minutes to go to Soccer practice, she and I are gonna hook up at the motel, while she “kills time” waiting to pick you back up. My sex life also cuts into my game time.”

Random 14 year (very good) gamer: “Go to hell, Ghost.”

(About 20 minutes later…and after Subzero goes off and annihilates everyone…The kind of streak where all you hear, is “Sit your ass down. Did I say you could get up?  I SAAAIIIIIDDD, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, FOOL!!!  Oh, Oh, Look out…Subzero kill cam!!!)

R14YO gamer: “Well, guys…I’m outta here.  I gotta go to swim practice.”

Subzero: “Hey Ghost, does that mean you have to go to the motel now?”

Ghost: “Nah, I can probably play a couple more before I have to go rock his mom’s world.”

(Everyone else online laughing….R14YOgamer logs off, never says another word.)

(Subzero says, ‘Sit your ass down! And don’t piss off the Ghost! Ask that Garage Door! GOG,GOG,GOG,GOG!!!!)

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Ghost on the phone with his daughter…

Princess– “Daddy, I love you more than hot dogs and macaroni and cheese!”

Ghost — “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Princess — “And Daddy, I love you more than ice cream too!”

Ghost — “Wow, I love you too more than hot dogs, ice cream AND macaroni and cheese together!!!”

Princess — “Daddy, all that stuff together would be gross.”

Ghost — “Well, Princess…I love you more than video games!”

Princess– “Wow, Daddy…that is a lot, A LOT!!!”

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On the phone with the Little Demon Sh*t from Hell…

LDSH: “Daddy, why did the Easter Bunny bring me a Buzz Lightyear with no helmet? What is THAT?  I was like…A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!! Wait, he has no helmet?  What is wrong with the Easter Bunny?

(Ghost, having no idea with his mother and the Easter Bunny conspired to get him)

Ghost: It must be a special one?

LDSH: I just found a helmet and fixed it. Crazy Easter Bunny.

(Dad, I think the Easter Bunny’s been sniffing glue again…he brought me a Buzz Lightyear…WITH NO HELMET, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????)

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Phone conversation with the 14 year old, Lost Demon…

Lost Demon: “So, I’m at school, and this kid calls me a fag in the hallway.  He’s like, ‘Drama is gay…you fag.’  So I said, ‘Really? I get to sing and dance with GIRLS….and watch their boobs bounce up and down, you know…cause we’re dancing….while you get to go strip down to your underwear, and roll around with a bunch of hot sweaty guys.  Who’s gay now?’”

(Ghost laughing pretty hard) “Well, buddy…that was a pretty good comeback. What did he say?”

LD: “Oh, nothing…about three weeks later he announced that he was bi-sexual.”

(Ghost facepalms) “In Junior High? Dear God, we were busy trying to figure out how to get into a girl’s pants in 8th grade…not deciding whose pants we liked being in better!”

LD: “Yeah, don’t worry dad…I’m not doing that stuff.”

Ghost: “Yeah…say what you want…but you know what’ll happen, right?”

LD: “Yeah, yeah….if you get a call from the the cops, the school, or some girl’s parents because I got arrested, my grades slipped or some girl is pregnant, you’re going to put your boots on, walk through some extra nasty stuff, and then put them so far up my butt that I’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom of them.”

Ghost: “As long as we’re on the same page.”

LD: “Yeah, I got it.”

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At a house party, with Subzero, That Effing Girl and 1Nightstand…

Ghost: “Hey, Subzero…they have barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

Ghost: “What? I said there’s barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

TFG: “Why do you keep bugging him about the damn barbecue?”

Subzero: “Go ahead and tell her, Ghost. Why do you keep reminding me that there is barbecue in the house?”

Ghost (laughing): ‘Cause he’s black….hahahaha…”

TFG (Looking all serious and slightly offended): “Ghost, you can’t say that!”

Subzero: “It’s all good. He’s my boy…and since he’s see thru clear, he ain’t really white.”

Ghost: “I bet if they had some sushi your ass would be in there. What up, my NIN-JUH?” (Subzero is also Japanese…we call him Black-anese.)

Subzero: “Oh, hell yeah..I’d be tearing some sushi up.”

Ghost: “I ain’t right.  I’m sorry y’all…I ain’t right.”

Subzero: “No…you aren’t.  But that’s why we like you.”

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Well, I figure I’ll wrap this up.  Supposed to be kicking it with the little terror trio this weekend.  Should be interesting. So until next time…

Ghost out…

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