Ghost here…
You know the drill…Guest Blog Friday…
Getting straight to it. Here’s an article about why medical insurance for everyone isn’t the answer to our problems of poor health….read it, honestly think about it, and it may resonate for you.
Click on that pretty word above for the article.
Ghost out…
Howdy Ghostfans…
Alright ladies, I’m wasting no time here. Since the movie opens tomorrow, I’m gonna let you have it:
Now personally…Ghost could give two flying f*cks…however, here is the plot summary:
A male stripper teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money.
Now I’m going to flip this movie over, and make the plotline read like this:
An experienced exotic dancer teaches a new girl how to party, get men to fork over cash to see her naked, and make easy money.
Still thinking this show gets made? Or does every women’s group on the planet protest and boycott it?
Now Ghost knows what you’re gonna say….They already made Striptease and Showgirls. Bullsh*t.
Those movies were horribly inaccurate, not very revealing, and frankly just plain awful. You see more attractive females with less clothing on the Jersey Shore than you saw in those flicks.
Remake those movies with the following actresses/models:
Kate Upton Scarlett Johansson Jordana Brewster
Would have also considered Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mila Kunis, or Natalie Portman….but since those last two girls gave us Black Swan…we’re good there.
(If you don’t know what I’m talking about….I’m pulling your man card!)
And for our crafty veteran dancer….give us:
or
Heidi Klum Salma Hayek
(Sweet Lord in Heaven….a Vicky Secret Lingerie Angel vs From Dusk til Dawn Vampiress….Can’t go wrong!)
Then, give us an actual researched story line, with lots of nudity…okay, okay, okay….just lots of toplessness…let them run around in g-strings or thongs. THEN, we’ll be even….Oh, yeah…and for our slightly creepy, but sort of kind club owner….give us:
Sam Muthaf*ckin’ Jackson
Our 1995-96 wonderful “stripper” choices leave us with:
or
G.I. Jane The Other Chick From Saved By The Bell
Striptease featured a linebacker looking Demi Moore and Showgirls was less about “strippers” than it was Vegas Showgirls, AND they were both terrible flicks.
So ladies…while your priming your engines this weekend, remember…Matthew Mcconaughey is the LEAST attractive dude in this flick…AND…
That you’re just as dirty-minded, sex-crazed freaks as men are…..hell…maybe even worse.
So quit pretending that you’re not. (And if you can’t hear the dialogue over giggles, screams and oddly out of place buzzing/vibrating noises….well, you knew what you were going to go see..)
Ghost out…
Howdy Ghost fans…
I’m in a right foul mood. It’s been awhile, but I’m beyond a little pissy. It was hotter than hell last week. At work the other night, a guy ran across the aisle and put a cup of ice water on the top of a fork truck….the driver saw it before he drove off, so no luck with the pranks, but the hotter it gets around here, the more these guys will try to entertain themselves at someone else’s expense.
With the break in the heat, I’m feeling a little less like roadkill today. I don’t think that’s what is causing the rising tide of internal rage. I’ve got a pretty good idea what’s up, but I’m going to have to be an adult and deal.
(Remember when throwing on some superhero underoos could make your day? I wonder if they make them in man sizes?)
(Apparently, they’re making them in hottie sizes! Damn!!!)
And no, to that friend of mine who suggested that it had just been too long since I had gotten laid….it’s not that…(although it has been awhile for that as well.)
I almost wish I were like a mood ring with my “condition”. Like I’d start to turn dark blue the worse that the Myasthenia Gravis was affecting me. Then the people around me would know when to start backing the f*ck off. The other great benefit to this would be as I started to look like a pissed off giant smurf, those people who question whether anything is wrong would f*cking get a clue.
(Ghost SMASH!!!!….then take really long nap…cause he gets very tired…very fast…MG sucks!)
Yeah, it’s been suggested that I’m bucking for sympathy or playing it up….if anything, I hide when it’s bothering me…I also detest being treated any differently, so I’ve just been gutting it out, finding ways to cope. Mowed the grass and hung some blinds before work today. My forearms and hands feel like painful stone blocks right now. The muscle spasms started in my left tricep and calf almost immediately after mowing when I sat down. Ever hear of someone’s arms getting tired just typing 200 words? From my fingertips to my biceps, I can feel every muscle as I force my fingers to extend out and hit each and every key….I can almost feel a tired “pull” up through my right bicep and up into my left shoulder a bit. It’s fun…in that not very cool way.
Oh well. F*ck MG, and f*ck those people.
I had the LDoC Father’s day weekend, and I got this Halestorm covers CD at their show last winter. Apparently, Axl Rose granted them permission to print a certain number, and the band thought they could reprint more, and his people refused to allow them to print more. If you can find one, grab it. It has a Skid Row, Lady Gaga, Temple of the Dog, Guns ‘N Roses, Heart and The Beatles. Well, I play the first track, and ask my daughter if she knows who this is, and she screams, “Lizzy!!!!!!”. She’s going into first grade, and we haven’t covered the whole, sometimes rock stars spell their names funny phenomenon. So, LZZY, you definitely have a little new fan.
If you get the chance to see Halestorm, do it…LZZY is a tiny little thing, but she can wail. Their drummer is a gag too. He damn near juggles his drumsticks while playing….it’s pretty impressive. Got to meet them after the show, and they’re legitimately nice people too.
(To their mother, I filter the content…we don’t listen to any questionable songs…no swears. I promise.)
Anyway, been slacking this week. Finally made the jump to the other building at work, but I have to be up for work at 5am…instead of my usual NOON wake up alarm….getting adjusted to the new schedule….I should get it down just in time to move to third shift! F#$%$#%$# AWESOME!!!!!
It’s a good job, and I’m thankful….but a regular sleep schedule would be nice.
Anyway, I’m working on a couple pieces…might have one for you Friday.
Later, hookers. To my buddy, VF, Ghost has a present for you the next time he sees you.
Til then…
I’m Ghost, and I’m out of here…
Howdy Ghostfans…
And for you new people, I guess the first order of business is to introduce myself. My name is Ghost. I sometimes write from the perspective of one of the five different personalities that run around up between my ears…sometimes they jump in and out to collaborate with me like the Wu-Tang Clan…
(In my head…it looks like this…but much more white….like almost see-through pale…)
Ladies….I give you:
Top 7 ways to f*ck up your online dating profile!
(Now Ghost, really? Why pick on the ladies?)
Well, I’m a guy. I notice stuff…you know…that makes me think, YES, I’d date her. Or things like…I’d definitely have sex with her, but I don’t believe I’ll use my real name. Or even worse….Can I block this chick so she can’t see me? Day-umn!!!
So, my goal is to help you attract better men with your profiles…or worse ones if that’s what you’re into. 
(It’s alright if we make Catwoman angry….when she looks like this….we’ll do whatever she says….)
Without further ado…here we go…
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Might as well start at the top…
7) Joining the ‘Mommy’-brigade…
(What you think you’re projecting…..
…What men think when we read, Mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom!!!!)
(Ghost you insensitive prick! How dare you pick at a woman’s RIGHT to broadcast the fact that she has had sex, and most likely stretched out very delicate areas of her anatomy…probably to the point where they did not return to their pre-incubatory states?)
(This sh*t is not sexy….damn….double damn….Scroll down already…dammit!)
Well, ladies…it’s just that simple…Men are not looking to date your kids, or pre-occupied uterus….and the ones who ARE interested in your kids…Need to be shot at dawn.
(Dark Side: Dammit, Ghost! You know how pedophiles piss me off!!! It’s the one topic that the White Knight and I agree on. Dismemberment and public display to deter any future nut jobs from hurting kids….)
Easy there Dark Side…we’re trying to help the ladies out here. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.
There’s a box. Have kids? Yes or No. Somewhere in your description area, declare the number of times your Baby Chamber has been occupied. It’s only fair to let a fella know how many little people are demanding your time.
This does two things: One it keeps guys who absoultely aren’t interested in kids away….it also prevents YOU from beginning a conversation with someone who you start to get all ‘tingly’ about after about 300 messages back and forth with…getting your hopes up…and then finding out he’s okay with two kids, but your 4 is too damn many.
Ghost has 4 demon spawn. Been married twice. Gotten the “Damn, you’re cute” messages, that turned into a couple hundred texts, and then heard the brakes lock-up and squeal when the lady in question found out about my brood. It hurts…so a little preemptive medicine is order here. But my “Little Demons” are standard equiment…they come with the Ghost….package deal…If you aren’t down…do me a favor and keep clicking on…don’t waste my time telling me crap I already know…like how damn nice that dimple of mine is….or those darn blue eyes…ladies…I know…
I understand how important a “job” that being a parent is…I really do. However, you were a person prior to getting knocked up…you need to be a separate person in order to date. More on this later.
This topic will resurface throughout our countdown. It’s a frequent mistake, and can cause problems in several places on a profile page.
Tally ho…(No, that isn’t an insult…<Facepalm>…there may be no hope for some of you…)
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6) Terrible username
Mademoiselles….selecting a username can be fun, cool, exciting….however…do not do the following, if you’re trying to land a good guy:
No “HotMommyof4″, “AmyandDevin” or “Cassie’s mom” (Again, not dating your kid..didn’t need to see their name.)
No to Lonely, Crazy, SexXxy, Misunderstood (mizundastood or any other dumbass spelling), no Wacky, Silly, Wild or Funky…..(Okay, If you play bass in a Funk band…I’ll allow it…but aside from that…no.)
No weird reference to a character in an Ayn Rand novel or any other obscure literary character…The only guys who are gonna know this…are probably gay…or married to another Lit major from college…..who’s probably gay as well.
I’m currently leaning towards no ‘Namaste’. Great you know a Yoga word…why would I date you?
Nothing wrong with a nickname…so long as it’s positive…If your nickname is Drunk Sammi Liebowitz, going by DSL1984 is a REALLY bad idea…two reasons…explaining how you got to be Drunk Sammi is not going to impress a nice guy…secondly….DSL has a VERY different connotation in the slang world….
(DSL’s??? Check!)
Best to run any potential handles through UrbanDictionary.com to see if the “cool” kids are using your soon to be moniker for something nefarious. I guarantee*** that if you use DSL in your title….you’ll get more penis photo messages than my fellow blogger Kat.
(***Guarantees not valid in any of the contiguous 48 states and only valid on the second Tuesday of the third week of October, in Leap Years in Hawaii and Alaska.)
Keep it simple. If your name is Jen, and you were born in 1978, Jen1978 or Jenni78 is completely fine. Most of these sites make you disclose your age anyway. Just don’t do somthing like include your last name too.
Too many creepers. I live in a small town, so I use the biggest nearby town’s zip code. One it keeps someone who gets past inital screening and has learned my real name from being able to target lock my driveway. Being 6’1″ and 220 is less of a concern for me, but if you have kids especially, this can be very unsafe.
(This is what happens if Ghost gets stalked….)
Which leads me to my next point….
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5) Photos
Sweet Lord in Heaven….this is one area where I want to shoot myself in the face. Where to even begin….
A- Use a current photo…period.
I don’t care if you used to be a Victoria Secret model. If you don’t still have a flat stomach, no muffin top and have the slightest prayer of fitting into those clothes in the picture EVER again…don’t use it.
(Before pics aren’t required….unless you’re back to BEFORE!!!)
B- Do NOT include your children….Again, pretty kids are targets. Coupled with a bad username and small zipcode area, you could be setting yourself up as a target for a child abduction.
Secondly, if you’re not happy with your figure, positioning your kids around/in front of you doesn’t fool anyone. Rock what you got. Period. If you don’t like it…hit the gym.
C- Type of photos.
Do not include only headshots. Do not make all your pics of groups. Do not post a pic of you with your ‘hot’ friends. These are all misleading. False advertising may get you some casual replies, but if you’re looking for a “real man”, you gotta have truth in advertising. Like it or not, you’re selling yourself. Most cars get their buyers hook initially with their paint and wheels. A nice smile and eyes goes a long way.
(Dark Side: They have no idea how many times, I’ve cycled through the first three pics and target locked on the redhead….who was in all three pics…only to figure out that the brunette was the profile subject. Many a poor Storm Trooper have felt my wrath when this happens…Have a heart…save Storm Troopers from needless extra beatings….)
Include a dressed up/night on the town pic. A chilling out photo…like tailgating or a barbecue.
(This is okay…)
(This is fine too…)
(Hell yes!)
(All Hail, Lord Bundy!)
(But absolutely NOT a sweats, no make-up lap-top cam pic in your messy bedroom shot. No bathroom/cameraphone/in the mirror pic…dear God, have you seen what was in the toilet behind some of those chicks trying to look all sexy?)
A group outing pic…..just make sure that it’s obvious who YOU are….again, we’re trying to get YOU a man…not your hot friend.
Showcase your interests. You like horses, ONE pic with a horse. You like sports…post a pic in your favorite jersey or tailgaiting. Not a pic OF a horse. Make sure that YOU are the focus of these pics. Ladies with dogs…they are NOT your kids….I don’t care what you privately think…NOT in your profile…as such…same rule as pics of kids…don’t include them, unless you are in the pics with them. I don’t care how cute he and his chew toy are…I’m after a woman…not adopting a stray.
YOU MUST BE IN EVERY PIC. Exception…a shot of a unique tattoo that you have. Include a full body shot of yourself. You want to be picked for what you are…not what you aren’t.
Do not get all hoochied up. It’s one thing to have a girl’s night out photo. It’s another to be rocking the spandex dress, hooker heels and drinking out of glasses with a penis straw….save the bachelorette party pics for later.
(Again….unless your goal is to take a run at Snarky Snatch’s Penis-text Guinness World Record…how many of you terminally single chicks have your calendar marked to go see ‘Magic Mike’….free tip…don’t include how excited you are to see this in your profile either.)
ALSO, FOR F*CK’S SAKE…..Never include a pic of you in an old wedding dress. We get it, you looked good that day. Don’t remind us that you failed as an MRS once/twice/thrice before. Okay? Would you want to see a guy in a tux at the church? Hell no.
Also, don’t include photos of you with any males….except maybe your brother and father…and they better be clearly labeled in the caption….and absolutely NOT the first pic we see. Don’t let the first thing we see….make us think…’Now who the f*ck is THAT guy?’ Trust me….not good.
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4) TELL US WHAT YOU WANT…Don’t tell us what you don’t want
Losers with no jobs, liars, cheaters, douchebags, guys who just want to hook-up, guys who want naked pics, general retards…don’t contact me.
(Dark Side: F*cking duh.)
My all time favorite….If you have bad teeth/poor oral hygiene, don’t even bother.
My buddy lost two front teeth in Iraq…(something about slamming his face into the dash of a Humvee that had been rammed, jumping out, shooting at the bad guys and spitting his teeth out somewhere along the way to bark orders at his men.) He is missing teeth. He’s a freaking great guy, and is subconscious as hell about his partial. (He’d never admit it, and I’m never going to nickname him for fear that somebody would ID him in real life, and he’d literally make me kiss my own ass….or worse.)
(We get it….and DUH…but I bet somewhere…this guy gets laid some too!)
A nice guy might have grown up poor. Might be working his way up, and just hasn’t paid someone to straighten out his grill yet. Maybe his parents died when he was little, raised by his grandma and couldn’t afford braces. You might have just missed out on a stock on the rise. Think about crap before you write it.
We assume if you’re a “real woman” that you’re looking for a “real” man. If we’re looking for someting serious…not lying, cheating, etc…. Is kind of a no brainer.
The virtual dating circuit is no different than the bar….douchebags will make a play for you. Ignore them, or send them packing. But you’re wasting valuable time by listing all the crap you DON”T want…..which leads to my next point….
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3) Have some damn interests….and tell us about them.
I blogged about the Top 10 Reason’s Why a Guy is Still Single awhile back. This point holds true for catching a nice guy too. If you aren’t passionate about something…we won’t be passionate about you.
Stand out. Tell us what makes you tick. If you love jet-skiing, kayaking, hiking, Nascar (Oh sweet Lord, that crap puts me to sleep.) the Cubs, 49ers, Detroit Red Wings, whatever…. tell us. This will make you stand out from the sea of “mommy of three, doesn’t want douchebags, message me if you want to know about me.”
Bullsh*t! I clicked on your profile. If you aren’t putting anything on the menu, why the hell should I bother messaging you? Seriously…I’m pretty smart. Very articulate…(nevermind all the swearing…it’s for effect). Some of these profiles are impossible to intelligently make any conversation with.
“Hey there. I’m not a douchebag. I have a job. I have my driver’s license. I’ve never cheated on a girl. I’m not sure how to prove I don’t lie….but I have references that I’m a genuine nice guy…really.”
WTF?
So tell me what you like….
(Note: Dark Side is NOT a Country Boy. We have a beat up old Jeep that we enjoy driving over stuff, but we don’t like Nascar, we like Rock/Metal/Rap. If you say you’re looking for a Pickup truck driving redneck, PBR drinking, cowboy hat wearing guy, we’re not stopping on your page.)
However, do you know who will stop there???
….the EXACT damn guy you’re looking for! Bam. Common Ground. A starting point.
Don’t turn your profile into approaching a girl blind at the bar based solely on her looks. Give the guys an edge to break the ice here.
Akeem from “Coming to America” passes on the girl who will do “Whatever he likes…”. He wants a woman with intellect, humor, passion. Not a walking, breathing blow-up doll. It think you get the point. If not…you might be lost.
(Which one do you want to be?)
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2) Use the damned spell check function.
No….no debate here. Period. I don’t care that u thk its kul 2 txt type. gurlz dat type like dis make n1c3 guyz 4get u bc they thk u r 12 y/o.
Misspelling sh*t is unacceptable too. Most of these things will underline the f*cking word in red!!!! SOME OF THEM EVEN OFFER YOU CORRECTIVE CHOICES IF YOU CLICK ON THE RED NOTIFICATION!!!! Seriously, this damn thing will TRY TO HELP YOU NOT LOOK RETARDED. Good rule of thumb: If you don’t know the word…don’t use it. Dictionary.com is a great tool to use as well. If you’ve used the word ‘awesome’ or ‘great’ more than once, use the thesaurus function…it’ll give you different words that mean the same thing.
(Free grammar lesson. You may even learn some sh*t!)
(Ghost doesn’t let his readers be the ‘Dumb Chick’.)
Now for some people, that lack of ability to spell could be a deal breaker. For others, it may not bug them if they get a chance to know you. Don’t let words like they’re, there and their keep you from meeting the right guy. Like I said, it’s a built in function….for some guys they’ll see it as plain lazy or dumb not to take the 5 extra minutes to proofread your sh*t before you put it out there for everyone to read.
(Ghost…you’re an asshole…..and a jerk….)
Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. I’m single because I choose to be. I’m weighing my options. Meeting new people. Evaluating their availability vs mine. Deciding whether that hour drive is that big of a deal, or if I prefer a girl closer to home? Checking their interests against mine. Where we are different, can I learn something new, or will those differences rub like sandpaper til it bleeds and kill the relationship?
That’s called a segue….(pronounced Seg-Way…not showing off, just trying to expand your vocab. Another lesson….Prodigy offers that free of charge. He’s a smart dude….but he can keep me from getting laid from time to time….Just another character that lives upstairs between my ears….)
Have you guessed number one yet?
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1) As in ONE WHOLE PERSON…
If you bounce from relationship to relationship, and believe that it’s always someone else’s fault…or that you always get screwed…..(OOOOhhhhhh….Just remembered another fatal username… Swear on everything holy, this girl’s nick was AlwaysUsed####…WTF? Everyone has hard times and bad relationships…don’t lead off with that….damn.)
Anyway, relationships are between TWO people. You’re never going to find someone to “Complete” you….(F*cking Jerry Macguire, bullsh*t!….You had me at hellooooooOH, shut the f*ck up! Gag.) You’re never finding your “better half”. You’re not finding your “soulmate”. There isn’t someone that is destined to make everything better and sweep you off your feet.
Fairy tales don’t happen….they’re written.
(Ghost….we take it back…you’re a heartless douchebag!)
Wait the f*ck a minute…read what I wrote:
Fairy tales don’t happen…they’re written.
Still don’t get it? They’re made…they’re constructed…built. It takes work to get the Prince/Knight in Shining Armor, the castle and happily ever after.
(You ready to work….to make THIS happen?)
Sitting on your ass isn’t what Cinderella did. That b*tch was on her knees scrubbing floors, doing dishes and sewing and taking care of her horrible stepmother and evil biotch stepsisters. Cinderella paid her dues and karma made sure she got hers.
Get your ass in school. Get your ass to the gym. Work hard, and make something of yourself. A good man will appreciate a woman who handles her business. Take care of your home, and kids and don’t b*tch about it. “Real women” handle their lives. They have schedules, and interests. They read. They can discuss politics or religion….without being judgmental.
(What does this have to do with being ONE WHOLE PERSON, smartass?)
Glad you asked. If you aren’t okay by yourself…you’ll never be okay with someone. They’ll be able to help you out, but if you depend on them ALL the time for something, you’re never going to be able to help them, when THEY need YOU.
That’s what a relationship is about. It’s not rainbows, flowers and happiness. It’s about having someone who doesn’t leave you stranded when life kicks your ass. Someone who’s there for you when you’re broken, bloody and broke.
That’s love. It takes work and commitment to get the fairy tale. Are you up to the task?
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Evaluate your life. Are you a whole person? Know what you want, like and need…and know the difference between the three?
If you’re not ready, pull your profile down. Join a gym. Read some books. Travel to somewhere new. Do something to improve yourself. Learn CPR. Donate time to a charity or cause.
In six months….put up pictures from the charity event you helped at. Show off the new body/figure that six months of hard work earned you. Talk about that book that you read and enjoyed. Your profile will be completely different…and so will you.
Then maybe with a little hard work….you can land a guy like Ghost!
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It’s been fun. Big shout out to everyone who encourages me to keep up with this. I’m amazed at how much I have written and that anyone really cares what words fall out of my head. My creative brain centers cramp up sometimes, or my ADHD kicks in, or Dark Side gets ahold of some whiskey and all hell breaks loose…(then…there is always something to blog about….sigh….that guy is always into something…)
As always…thanks for reading me. May your online dating be more successful…and…
Ghost out…
Dear Heavenly Father…
I know that you’re busy, so when you get a chance…
Upon Ghost’s dating life, coud you please take a glance?
I’m not quite sure that I’ll ever know why,
But crazy and unbalanced women are all I can find.
(Yep, this one is fine specimen of Ghost’s chick magnet results!)
Now, that is not entirely true…
Intelligent and sane, I’ve met a few.
But maybe you could, break it down because I’m kinda lame…
Could you tell me why I’m only attracted, to the criminally insane?
(FACT!!!)
Zoloft and Paxil, Welbutrin and Effexor…
I guess I should be grateful they aren’t coming standard with HIV and cold sores.
The wrapping paper is so shiny, the first glance, it’s so nice…
But inside, fire-breathing dragons or demons with talons of ice.
(Yeah, just torture Ghost…it does wonders for your mood swings!!!)
Why don’t I get butterflies with women who are stable?
Intelligent convo, and taking care of themselves, they would be able.
One swith degrees, a career…a 401K…
Instead of drama and issues, that go on all day.
(And a GINGER to boot!!!!)
I’ve tried being patient, I’m working to follow the rules…
But you know they just don’t teach this stuff in any kind of school.
You and I, Sir, we’ve got a bone to pick…
Some of the nuttiest loons can be found in churches on Sundays…thick.
(Not what I meant…)
So where does one go, to find a fine lass?
With a sense of humor, and brains and an amazing aaa…
Personality! That’s what I was going to say!
I’m just tired of looking…sick of the wait.
If I’m just supposed to go it alone,
Just email me, or please just write me a note.
I’m finding plenty of okay, a great deal of just fine…
But I’m wanting amazing, dare I say…devine.
(Not quite what I meant…but she does have angel wings…)
I know I can’t be alone, I hear plenty whine.
About finding a quality mate…could you throw a brother a sign?
I’ll wrap this up, not trying to be a bother…
Just a little assist, my Almighty Father.
Break me, fix me, whatever it takes…
Guide me, point me, for goodness’ sake.
Lord, please bless this Ghost, ’cause he’s quite the mess.
Amen…
Ghost out…
What’s happening, Ghostfans?
DJ DarkSide here, hitting you with some of Ghost’s favorite summer jams…
Don’t know about y’all, but it’s been pretty damn hot here, and all I can think about is chilling poolside with an adult beverage and looking at the bikinis….anyone else?
(Yes, yes, and Hell Yes!!!! That last one is an oldie, but that’s what a real woman should look like. No ribs visible…you get that, you skinny little skeleton b*tches?)
Song number one goes back a little bit for me…a back in high school jam, but a classic if you ask this Ghost:
Riding around in your Jeep or your Benzos….nope…just the Jeep for this Ghost. ;-)
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The next one flashes forward a bit and I remember hitting pretty big when I was in college:
Never been a part of Summertime in the LBC, but Snoop Highly recommends it!
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Now, if you’ve been following Ghost at all, you know that he listens to a lot of different music…but Country is his least favorite…seriously, Ghost used to write 20 page papers in college listening to Tchaichovsky and The NutCracker Suite…so, Country is really down there a bit…but this next guy is angling to be this generation’s Jimmy Buffet….if there isn’t a Kenny Themed Island resort in the next decade, I’d be surprised.
But anyway, here you go, some Country music from the Ghost…love that Yoohoo in the glass bottle..to my friends going on float trip next month, this one’s for you!
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Shifting back to my high school days, I think one of the reasons that rap music used to be a lot better is because of things like this video. These guys came from neighborhoods that I could recognize. These are places that “real” people might live. Rap today is all about whips and cribs and cash….stupid amounts of cash. I understand being pissed off that your neighborhood seems like a black hole that you aren’t ever going to escape. I understand that rage and anger, and the party in this video…where the entire fridge is filled with 40′s…yeah, been places like that…Never seen a bottle of Cristal. So here you go…..A little Dre to brighten your day:
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Wrapping us up, we’re digging back a bit. This cat left his rock group and definitely didn’t do much afterwards. This remake is one of about three tolerable songs during his solo period. Now, Ghost doesn’t play favorites….but his favorite girls have always been Midwest/Mountain State girls…Ghost’ll have to get out to the coasts a bit more before he renders a verdict, but this song definitely picks a favorite place to pick up chicks:
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Well, y’all. Enjoy your summer, cause pretty soon you know you’ll be b*tching about scraping windows and the white stuff.
+
=
Ghost out…
Howdy Ghostfans….
Been digging into my inner nerdling here lately…probably because I’ve been spending a lot of time around my 14 year old…Parts of my personality tend to resonate more prominently when I’m around certain people.
(Yeah, I know…some big words there…Resonate, Prominently…look them up retards…I’ll wait…)
(Okay Ghost, so what you’re trying to say is that you’re different around different people…doesn’t that mean you’re fake?)
No, dipwad. What it means is that I am a multi-faceted person….sh*t….This conversation will take forever if I don’t dumb this down a bit….okay…There are many parts to me…and when I’m around someone, whatever we have in common tends to come out more.
For example, my oldest is into video games and science fiction…so, those parts of me that are the same tend to come out. When I’m around my buddies who are into sports, my competitive side and that inner combatant/athlete come out. When I’m around my engineer buddies we have debates over wormholes, dark matter and the possibility of time travel…and not just hypothetical crap…like detailed arguments that cover detailed laws of physics.
(Yeah, I know…I lost you…I’ll get to the point…)
I write from the perspective of one of my five “personalities”, because I am really like 5 people rolled into one. SheWhoMustNotBeNamed routinely will ask, “Who am I talking to?” She wants no part of DarkSide or Everto….but if Pathos happens to be nearby or even The Knight, they’ll be a sympathetic ear.
The biggest trick with me, is realizing that I’m not just one of those guys, but all 5 simultaneously. It’s why I drink sometimes…it shuts them up. Gives the dust some time to settle, and allows me to find a clear path to start out on.
So, you have to be careful when you ask me something. Sometimes, you might not like the response you get. This happens frequently. I’m big on honesty. I’ll usually warn you…You sure you want to know what I’m thinking?
I’d never have it any other way. I have people ask me ridiculous sh*t from time to time…just because they know that I’ll think about it, and then give them a thoughtful, rational answer.
Like, ‘That dude is on something. I don’t know what, but you might be better off without him.”
Or, “That b*tch is crazy, bro. You need to boot that one to the curb and swear off it cold turkey.”
Or even, “No, I don’t care what he said…that reaction in bed is NOT normal for ANY dude.”
So, what frustrates me more than anything is when people let me down or refuse to talk to me. It’s like this: If I did something, tell me. Let me explain and correct it.
Don’t give me this, “You know what you did.” bullsh*t.
No, I don’t. That’s why I’m asking. Or even worse is when I just get the cold shoulder. If you’re expecting me to change something, and I don’t know what it is, THAT certainly isn’t getting it done.
I just start to think that you’re mental, and that I’m better off forgetting that you actually breathe air. Which is sad, because I care about a LOT of sh*t…and people, that I probably shouldn’t. People who blow me off. People who ignore me. People who frankly treat me like sh*t and talk about me behind my back.
(Go f*ck yourself…but if you’re on fire….sigh, I guess I’ll stop and put you out.)
But in the end, if they called me tomorrow, and needed something, I’d drop whatever was going and do my damn level best to help out…..That’s just who I am. It’s how I always will be.
Almost everyone comes around. Very few people hate me….even fewer actually have a legit reason to.
If you tell me that you want to get together, mean it. When I call, don’t put me off.
Frankly, I’m sick…and real damn tired…and that’s just from my neurological disorder…I’m not even factoring in the bullsh*t from friends and family…and those few enemies.
My new favorite is people who are offended…because YOU have a problem with what they say/do/post on Facespace, etc…
Well, if y’all post something I take offense to…I’m sure as hell gonna tell you. The statement, “It’s my Facespace page, if you don’t like what I post, delete me.” is ignorant as hell. You ‘invite’ someone to be a “friend” on that website. That implies conversation and dialogue. Those are TWO-way endeavors.
Not everyone will believe what you believe, nor will they always see things the same way. A rational human being should listen when someone speaks. It’s how we grow as humans…to consider the thoughts and feelings of others. You can gain valuable insight this way.
Take this quote for thought:
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”
P. J. O’Rourke
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/pjorour124944.html#0S8I2YJM6FtJBzJs.99
Well, you’re free to think and say whatever you want…but the consequence is the reaction. I responded negatively to a few Facespace posts, and people seemed shocked that I’d be opposed to it…after all, it was just a joke.
I saw this one posted a couple times:
Now at it’s core…I’m not really completely opposed to this…however, there are several DADS who fill both roles…there are also Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents who get left behind to raise kids….so, just don’t post crap like this. The point of Father’s Day is to honor good and great MEN.
This next one is the one that got me started:
Straight up inappropriate for Father’s Day weekend. It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. It’s an attack against fathers who aren’t fulfilling their duties. Not appropriate to post. Give men 3 damn days to celebrate, please. Lay off this sh*t from Friday to Sunday…then feel free to dead beat dad bash all you want.
Now, I know what you’re thinking…if it doesn’t apply to you, why are you so upset? Someone even implied that I was reacting so strongly because I might not be as good a father as I ought to be.
You know what…I’m not. I can always be better, and I work at it every day. Being a good parent isn’t a title, it’s a job. One that if you complete it properly, your children will leave your nest, and be successful individuals. If you’re celebrating now, then you’re coasting.
The reason I react so strongly to this sh*t on Father’s Day? Is because my father is gone. One of my grandfather’s is gone, and I barely got to know but maybe one of my great-grandfathers. This day is to pay respect to the men who are and have done their job in raising their families…not to roast the one’s who have/are f*cking it up. So everytime you post something that detracts from the spirit of the day, you make the statement that men aren’t important in raising a child….that it’s more important to remind the world that there are bad guys out there.
The father who showed me what hard work and going to work sick and even hurting looked like. To the grandfather who kicked my kindergarten ass in tic-tac-toe and showed no mercy, even though he was 50 years older than me. It made me tough and want to work hard for the win.
I don’t care what anyone says…you NEVER see this kind of crap on Mother’s Day. You don’t. There aren’t carefully worded Jpegs that glorify the Dad’s who wear both hats, and there aren’t any, Happy Mother’s Day except for those crazy, drug addled whores, who abandon their children and leave them to the REAL men to raise.
That sh*t doesn’t happen. Don’t try to play like it does. And if someone does post something, it’s isolated and rare. You don’t see dozens of people ‘liking’ the photo and sharing it.
The sad thing is that stuff like this next pic only popped up on my newsfeed once:
Something truly worthy of the spirit of the day. Well, I’m posting it here, and I’m thanking every one of you bastards who’ve gone and served and missed birthdays, holidays, and yes…even Father’s Days…Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You keep my little demons safe, and I that is a debt that I can never repay.
Some of these men DON’T come home, and I’m pretty sure those women would trade your f*cking Jpeg for THAT man any time of day.
So to you misguided souls who think it’s funny to bash deadbeats on Father’s Day weekend, knock it off. It’s uncalled for. Use the other 362 days a year for that…for f*ck’s sake, it’s even a leap year, you can take 363 days this year for it. Just leave our f*cking holiday alone.
To those of you moms who truly are on your own, your job is no doubt tough…you get yours on Mother’s Day. I’m sure that somewhere in your lives, there is a man worth recognizing…make sure that your kids know what a good male role model is. THAT is what the f*cking day is for!
Anyway, I’m done preaching…for now. About 359 days, and I’ll start reminding you again.
Ghost out…
Ok…I live in Midwestern hell….the weather sucks here for completely varying reasons day to day. Try to look at this chica’s blog for what it is….an adventure…not a reminder of how ordinarily sucky your life is….because you live near the Ghost….
How about that HOT breeze this afternoon? The heat and humidity have even made fans useless today.
Featured Blogger Nezza in the house….I’m still waiting for some pics from the Boom Boom Room, Nezza…just saying…
Howdy Ghostfans…
There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!! Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….
Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…
While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…
a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…
And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…
I f*cking love Star Wars…
Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice Boba F*cking Fett Mara Jade Skywalker
And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’
I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.
The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.
(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)
So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.
I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated. So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock. Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.
(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)
(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)
(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)
(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)
(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)
Ghost is a dad. It really is one of the few pure things in my life. Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)
I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this. Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard. It is liberating. Love it. Gliding down the mountain.
Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice. I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9. Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years. Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years. Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed. NOT a player.
2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant. He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail. He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance. He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him. So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.
3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t. Almost stupid smart about some things. He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels. It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage. So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass. Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong. If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.
4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving. When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose. But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.
Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.
Where do you think they got that sh*t from?
*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid. Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun. Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny. I’m smart. I’m loyal. Not bad looking either.
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)
I’m not really afraid of much. I HATE bugs. Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them. Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.
Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me. In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.
Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.
And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.
They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.
Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body. Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms. I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing. Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted. I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in. Come home, crash, start the cycle over.
This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded. Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press. Something I once did about 100 times in a row. I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover. I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs. I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams. I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning. Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning. Finished pitching the game. Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header. Never missed a day of work.
(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)
About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk. Seriously….it was bad. Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.
This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.
The heat sucks the life out of me. But the cold invigorates me. We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank. Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.
I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared. One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average. Which b*tch did I get?
So who the f*ck is Ghost?
Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t. A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up. A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.
That’s who the f*ck I am.
Ghost out…
Howdy Ghostfans,
Feeling kinda nerdy this week, so we’re back for more video games. It’s Tuesday, and the new “Lollipop Chainsaw” game dropped today. Say hello to Juliet Starling!
If you reserved it early, you got some extra change of clothes tossed in…not sure if you can buy them later, but let’s just say that I’m looking forward to the Halloween Costumes that spin off this fall…
(Hey nerd…yeah…she’s still out of your league…)
(Wait, wait, wait, Ghost….This is CLEARLY exploitative of women! You’re a sexist douchebag!!!)
Au contraire, jackhole! Cheerleaders dress like this:
and like this… and this….
So to see the newest Zombie Slaying SuperChick dressed like this is no big deal:
(One of my favorite moves by the way! Leapfrog the Zombie and….
(Saw that Undead Dickweed in two…the hard way!!!)
(Okay, Ghost….so the outfit isn’t THAT out of line…what about the rest?)
Admittedly…this is a game…and they hope to profit from this…so yeah, there are some slutty costume/wardrobe options:
But is this really any worse than what you might see on regular TV anyway?
Or HBO?
**************************************************************************
I haven’t even got to the best part! She is definitely NO damsel in distress…this girl has two sisters and parents who are world class zombie slayers…as our herione puts it…her mom kicks so much ass, it makes her proud to wear a vagina!
(Apparently, these chicks get into the action as well! It’s good to have sisters like this!)
She even totes her boyfriend’s LIVING head around on her belt. (Yes, she decapitates him after he is bitten, and performs this magic ritual to keep him alive…and swearing…effing Zombie Cops with guns!!!!)
He only becomes useful for little tasks, after you stick his head on top of headless zombie bodies. In his defense the young gentleman gets bit trying to protect his girl (unnecessarily) from a zombie….THEN, as he lay dying in her arms, apologizes for messing up her birthday…yes, the zombie outbreak happens on this young lady’s 18th birthday.
(Hmm…well then Ghost…it may not be complete and utter trash….)
The shift in this game is from shock, gore and horror to comedy…the point is to present crass schoolboy humor and nonsensical fantasy to the mix….like the rainbow and stars that follow her chainsaw…which magically never runs out of fuel.
(No, you can’t copy my homework! But you can take this chainsaw and deal with my magic poms, jerks!!!)
Okay…seriously…it’s not all family fun.
The zombies call our hero a slut and a b*tch…. A LOT!!!
One guy that you save…actually tells you that he’s going to masturbate to you later….
Then….
There’s the fact that she eats lollipops to keep her energy up, “even though they make her butt totally big”.
There’s the wonderful thing she loves about her boyfriend is that he “totally doesn’t even mind her gigantic butt”.
There’s the stripper-pole swinging, chainsaw decapitations. While extremely hilarious…very inappropriate for little people.
All in all though….good, UNCLEAN, undead fun.
And can somebody please tell me who keeps strapping these damn zombies up with dynamite suicide bomber vests??????
Anyway, I’ll wrap this up.
Definitely going to have to invest a few hours playing this one to see if the gameplay is bigger than the half-naked cheerleader hype.
Til next time…
Ghot out….
