Adventures in Being a “Single” Dad…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Well, you rotten dirty, perverted scoundrels…Yeah..I missed you too.

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Been busy as of late. Haven’t really had a ton of time for much…work, eat, sleep, repeat. What little free time that I’ve had has been spent with my kids, so dating hasn’t really been even on my radar.

So, Back in May, my oldest finally decided to join the DarkSide…Catching an inbound freshman was easier in some ways than I expected…harder in others.

I thought I’d share a conversation I had with his blessed little heart.

Spectre: I have to remember to pick up a ticket to the Homecoming Dance on Saturday.
Ghost: You going ‘stag’?
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Free Prodigy Vocabulary lesson:
‘Going Stag’:
stag   /stæg/ Spelled [stag]
IPA ,noun, verb, stagged, stag·ging, adjective, adverb
noun
1. an adult male deer.
2. the male of various other animals.
3. a man who attends a social gathering unaccompanied by a woman.
4. Informal . stag party.
5. a swine or bull castrated after maturation of the sex organs.
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DarkSide Unsolicited Comment:
“Dictionary.com…hookers. It’ll make you less f*cking retarded!”
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Spectre: Uhm…I’m going with two girls and meeting a couple more there…so, I guess that I’m going…’Pimp’?

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Ghost: (Laughing) Good one…I like that. So, when did you decide to go?
Spectre: Awhile ago…I told you.
Ghost: No, you didn’t. Wanna know why?
Spectre: I know I told you. Why do you think I didn’t tell you?
Ghost: Correction. I don’t THINK you didn’t tell me…I KNOW you f*cking didn’t tell me…and THIS is why:
1) I started busting your ass about this like 8 weeks ago. If you had asked a girl, you have to make dinner reservations, get flowers, and arrange transportation… since your monkey ass can’t drive.

(Gonna have to wait to take your date like this til next year, kid!)
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2) I have to work this weekend. So I would have to alter my sleep schedule since I’m on thirds.
3) I only forget stupid crap…like married women’s first names, keys in the ignition of cars, and any promise made to get people to leave me alone while I sleep.
Spectre: (Indignant and a ‘tad’ sarcastic) I’m sorry. Well, I guess next time, I’ll shout my plans from the mountaintops…
Ghost: Don’t take that tone with me. I’ll kick your ass. I’ve put in quite a few hours at the shop this week where they’re talking layoffs, I’ve been sleeping like sh*t, and the muscles in my right calf haven’t stopped spasming in 13 days. If you had told my dumb ass, the first question out of my mouth would have been, “What are you wearing?” Have you got dress shoes? A shirt and tie? A belt? Motherf*cking dress pants? Who’s ironing that sh*t?
Spectre: Oh….Yeah…I don’t have anything to wear.

(She might be able to pull this look off, but YOU, my son…cannot.)

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Ghost: It’s Thursday, Jabroni. I have to go to work tonight. Can’t get you clothes tonight. You have a football game Friday, and I’m working til 7am Saturday. Then, you have practice from 8-11am. I’m going to have to stay awake, and help you go get this stuff and get that mop on your head addressed.
Spectre: (Interrupting) Well, compared to all the guys on the team, this is really short…
Ghost: Well, they aren’t my kids, and if their parents don’t care if their kids look like crap and are having sex with anything that moves, that’s their business…You planning on shaving sometime this month by the way?
Spectre: Yesssssssss. Damn, dad.
Ghost: I’ll stop busting your ass, when I believe you’re going to be able to take care of yourself when I’m dead.

(Is that a Ghost Stripper?….Nah, Ghost is done dating those…even in the afterlife…)
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Long story short, We saw my very un-gay hairdressing pal named Timmay and visited Ms. Voodoo’s consignment spot…got this kid some threads, a belt and shoes, and sent his little monkey ass off to the dance…where he seemed to have a good time.

I gotta say this…the little bastard cleans up pretty well.  I was actually sort of impressed when he got all dudded up. 

Sh*t.  There may be hope for this kid yet.

Ghost out…

Who’s to Blame for UFC 151?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

If you’re not a UFC fan, you probably could care less about this article.  However,  I’m going to write it anyway for the 7 to 135 people who may read it.

Bones vs. Hendo…well…it ain’t happening.  If it does, it may be sometime next year. For those of you who may not know, and for those who might have forgotten…Jon Jones is the current UFC Light Heavyweight champion. 

Before you can understand exactly what happened, and how significant this event is…here’s some backstory:

Via Wikipedia:
Jonathan Dwight Jones (born July 19, 1987), known professionally as Jon Jones, is an American mixed martial artist from Endicott, New York. He is the reigning UFC Light Heavyweight Champion.

Jon Jones, the youngest UFC title holder in history, entered the organization after fighting professionally for only four months. In May 2012, he was ranked as the number one light heavyweight fighter in the world by various media outlets, as well as the #3 pound for pound fighter in the world. He is currently ranked the #2 pound for pound fighter in the world according to ESPN.

THE YOUNGEST UFC TITLE HOLDER IN HISTORY!!!  Almost an understatement here.  This guy stormed onto the scene and pulled the rug out from under well established guys, who had fought and scrapped to get their shot at the title.  This guy comes to town with very unorthodox striking (spinning elbows and back kicks) and a freakishly lanky physique, which gives him a very looooooong reach.  In the striking game this is one thing…but as far as submissions go, he can apply certain holds from very odd angles because of that extra length.   Talented as the day is long, and the sky is truly the limit for this young man.

Trying to get inside his reach is trouble….once you get in there, he can tie you up like an octopus and choke your lights out…
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Why it isn’t Dana White’s fault:

Dana White is the mastermind behind the UFC.  A completly outlawed and bankrupt concept here in the States, this guy makes rule changes to protect the fighters and to get the legal sanctioning bodies to approve the sport, and with the aid of his financial backers, he has built the modern gladiator combat arena for the masses.

Dana cusses and swears and calls people out publicly.  And the fans love him for it.  In an age of political correctness and blantant lies and bullsh*t from our politicians, bosses, law enforcement, etc…  This guy will just drop an F-bomb and tell you exactly what he thinks…like this:

* “Hell, forget about college. I barely finished high school.”

* “I don’t need a bunch of idiots out in Wall Street – who have no idea what they’re talking about and don’t know anything about this business – telling me how to run it.”

* “Who really gives a ##### at the end of the day what the financials are? I want to talk about the next fight. Who does everyone want to see fight, why do we want to see them fight?”

For Dana, MMA and the UFC is what HE is.  He runs the best MMA organization on the planet, and is arguably one of the biggest fans.  Which is why he was completely floored by the events of the last few days.

Back to Jon Jones’ career… He went pro, and started fighting in smaller promotions….in April of 2008…over the next three months, he’d fight six times…and win all six.  Knocking out or submitting EVERY opponent.  The UFC called, and with only a TWO-WEEK notice, he was an injury replacement on a UFC Pay-Per-View.

This guy gets his title shot in March of 2011, AS AN INJURY REPLACEMENT, and wins.  He goes on to take out the next three opponents the UFC throws at him.  He was scheduled to fight Dan “Hendo” Henderson on September 1, 2012, but Hendo goes down with a tear in his MCL. 

Dana White gets the news, and scrambles…no one will fight Jon “Bones” Jones on 8 days notice….save one man…Chael Sonnen.

This guy is arguably the biggest trash-talking, asshole in the UFC…maybe even on the whole damn planet.

This guy is universally hated, and justifiably so.  He gets busted for using performance enhancing drugs, charged with money laundering, and talked sh*t to the ENTIRE COUNTRY OF BRAZIL prior to facing the baddest man on the plant, Anderson “The Spider” Silva….who summarily kicked his ass after promising that Chael wouldn’t leave the ring under his own power, and that he’d be missing every tooth from his head.

But even this asshole recognized that this was an opportunity to cement himself in the record books, and SAVE a UFC event.

Even though Sonnen is a grade A douche…he was willing to fight.  Hell, this prick offered to fight the same night.  His reply to Dana was to the effect that he’d get on a plane right now and fight tonight if he was needed.

Clearly…Sonnen, is not to blame.  Furthermore, Dana is in the clear, as he went to the cupboard and came up with a solution to keep this thing together.

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Why should we give a damn about Dana White and rich guys who are undoubtedly going to get paid off this event?

Simply…you shouldn’t.  Nor should you care about Jon ‘Bones’ Jones wallet either.  He just signed a deal with Nike.  He’ll be just fine.  He gets a cut of the Pay-Per-View shares as well.

Dude’s gonna get his $$$.

But this is such a big deal because:

People do this for a living.  Not all the fighters on this card are wealthy.  UFC fighters don’t work for the UFC. They don’t have pension plans, 401Ks or any guaranteed pay.  They are independent contractors who get paid if they fight.  According to Dana, there were about 20 fighters and about half a million dollars in prize money for them to earn.  A lot of these fighters only get about three to four fights in a year.  Here’s an idea of how the cash gets distributed:

Unofficial earnings from the last PPV, UFC 150
Pepsi Center – Denver, CO
Estimated Attendance: 15,008
Estimated Gate: $650,000

Donald Cerrone: $183,600 ($30,000 to show, $30,000 win bonus, $3,600 from Guillard for missing weight, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus, $60,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)

Jake Shields: $150,000 ($75,000 to show, $75,000 win bonus)

Melvin Guillard: $88,800 ($36,000 to show, fined $7,200 missing weight, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Dennis Bermudez: $76,000 ($8,000 to show, $8,000 win bonus, $60,000 Submission of the Night bonus)

Benson Henderson: $60,000 ($30,000 to show, $30,000 win bonus)

Frankie Edgar: $51,000

Yushin Okami: $46,000 ($23,000 to show, $23,000 win bonus)

Ed Herman: $31,000

Nik Lentz: $30,000 ($15,000 to show, $15,000 win bonus)

Max Holloway: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 win bonus)

Michael Kuiper: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 win bonus)

Jared Hamman: $12,000

Erik Perez: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 win bonus)

Chico Camos: $12,000 ($6,000 to show, $6,000 win bonus)

Justin Lawrence: $8,000

Dustin Pague: $8,000

Buddy Roberts: $6,000

Eiji Mitsuoka: $6,000

Tommy Hayden: $6,000

Ken Stone: $5,000

Some of those guys did pretty well…wait, here’s what UFC fighter Joe Lauzon had to add to this discussion:

Not only has this screwed over all the fans that bought tickets, non refundable airfare, took off work, made arrangements, etc… but think of all the fighters. Fighters that put in full camps, flew people in that helped them trains, etc. By the time I am actually fight, I spend close to 20k between corners, flights, expenses, coaches, etc…

Holy crap.  That’s a lot of expenses…and then, they don’t get to work? F*ck!!!

Here’s where Dana weighed in on this:

It’s major, major deal.  We lose a lot of money, money that’s already been spent. We’re eight days out. We’ve spent tons of money on this fight. How long and how far it goes and how bad it hurts I don’t know because it’s the first time we’ve done it.  Many people, from fans to PPV distributors, TV networks, sponsors, and more importantly fighters who are working hard to support their families and build their careers are hurt badly by this…

Not only will these fighters be hurt, the damaged relationships with the sponsors and future events hosts (I.E other casinos and event centers) will potentially hurt future events draws and cash for fights purses.  Aborting one show will send ripples and shockwaves through future events.

Going beyond the fighters….there are the people of Las Vegas to consider.

Las Vegas…where better than 1 in 4 people work in a service industry, is currently experiencing between 12.1 and 13.7% unemployment….depending on whose lies…cough, cough, erm, statistics you are using.  So, with the holiday weekend and the UFC event, you can bet there were several single moms who were counting on tips and possibly some overtime or extra shifts from this event to make rent.

So this is a world class clusterf*ck.   People are going to be hurting from this.
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So Ghost, get to the f*cking point here….Who’s to blame?

Shockingly…it’s simply the fault…of one man…and his trainer.

Jon ‘Bones’ Jones and Greg Jackson.

They refused to fight the replacement fighter, Chael Sonnen.  Who was going to fight on 8 days notice…and move up 20 pounds to the next higher weight class.  Jones had trained a full camp, and would be holding a significant reach and size advantage.  But he wouldn’t fight.

He would toss out reasons, like there wouldn’t be a big draw, and his Pay-Per-View cut would suffer.  Or, he just wouldn’t feel comfortable preparing for a new fighter in 8 days.

Since Chael Sonnen just was a part of the main event at the HIGHEST grossing UFC event EVER…I’m sure the PPV buys would have been there….hell, Chael…ever the trash talker, even volunteered to give his entire pay to Bones…just to get the fight.  He said something to the effect of, I don’t need to fight you…I just want to kick your ass.  I get paid a lot more than you, and if it’s money you’re after, it’s there.

I don’t know whether he was scared to fight Chael, or it was purely financially based….but either way, it was one of the most selfish decisions in sports in recent memory.

Said Hendo, his scheduled injured opponent:
“This is the first time that the champion wouldn’t step up and fight, and I was pretty shocked to hear that. It’s not like he’s injured. It’s unbelievable to me that he wouldn’t take that ‘the show must go on’ attitude. If there was any way I could have gone, and any way that I thought I could give myself a chance to compete, I would have done that.

Heal up, Hendo.  The UFC fans want to see you back in action soon.

Sorry Chael…you just lost your title as Most Hated Man in the UFC…Guess you’ll have to start insulting a new country to try to get that back.

Jon ‘Bones Jones…for a guy who broke into the UFC on two weeks notice, and who got his title shot due to an injury pullout….you sure picked a fine time to start having a problem with it.

Ghost out…

Class act…on the Pittsburgh Steelers?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Read this article :

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/steelers-lb-lamarr-woodley-singlehandedly-wipes-pay-play-103939938.html

In an era of steroid cheats, DUI arrests, marital infidelity and domestic violence amongst our pro athletes, Lamarr Woodley just stood up and gave you an example to show your kids of how to do things the right way.

Even a die-hard Browns fan has to tip his cap here …I still hope you guys lose every game this year (except against the Ravens, beat their asses!)

But, way to represent your hometown, your team and men in general. Much respect.

Ghost out…
(Did anyone see Cleveland knock off Green Bay in the Pre-season?)

GBF—Say Hello to Lemon…Again…

What’s up, Hookers?

Dark Side here.

Lemon’s blog has home remedies for all sorts of crazy sh*t!  Orange Jello kills cancer,  A shot of whiskey a day keeps the doctor away, and Chapstick prevents pregnancy. (Cause she is swallowing, TaDa!!!)

Actually none of that sh*t is in there.  But here’s an article that talks about how women who give blowjobs AND SWALLOW are SIGNIFICANTLY less likely to get breast cancer…TRUE SH*T!!!!  (For my ShortBus readers…click on those funny colored words in the last sentence….There you go, Sparkplug!)

Here’s Lemon’s blog, now that I’ve completely gotten sidetracked….What? Hummers?

(Don’t tell the Princess…she’ll be wanting this for her Sweet Sixteen!)

Seriously, here’s the blog…Check it:
http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/07/19/remedies-who-knew/

Ghost has some really good stuff he’s working on, but Prodigy is getting all OCD on making sure it’s perfect, while Pathos the Whiner-butt tinkers with the wording to “elicit maximum effect”….Shut the f*ck up, you damn nerd!

Anyway, Redbirds/sCrUBS series this weekend…maybe Chicago tries to claw back into the fray?  Oh, wait…didn’t I just read they’re trying to deal one of their best pitchers?
http://espn.go.com/chicago/mlb/story/_/id/8182551/los-angeles-dodgers-make-trade-offer-chicago-cubs-starter-ryan-dempster-says-source

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
Cincinnati	52	40	.565	-	28-18	24-22	385	341	+44	Won 1	8-2	74.4
Pittsburgh	51	40	.560	.5	29-14	22-26	378	344	+34	Won 2	6-4	77.1
St. Louis	47	45	.511	5	23-20	24-25	441	377	+64	Lost 2	4-6	45.3
Milwaukee	44	47	.484	7.5	26-23	18-24	411	415	-4	Won 2	6-4	9.4
Chicago Cubs	38	53	.418	13.5	24-21	14-32	346	401	-55	Won 2	7-3	0.4
Houston	34	59	.366	18.5	24-21	10-38	357	444	-87	Lost 3	2-8	0.1

Guess they’re better than Houston…but they’re still pretending to be professionals.  Good thing that Chi-town has those first place Sox to cheer for.

Anyhoo…getting real close to Beer:30.  Or was it Whiskey O’Clock?  Hell, who cares?

Like Ghost says, “Be safe, Have fun.”

and like DarkSide’s Brother Outlaw says, “Take her easy…and if she’s easy, take her twice!”

Ghost out…

It’s Wednesday!..Whoop-de-Effing-doo…

Howdy Ghost fans…

I’m in a right foul mood.  It’s been awhile, but I’m beyond a little pissy.  It was hotter than hell last week.  At work the other night, a guy ran across the aisle and put a cup of ice water on the top of a fork truck….the driver saw it before he drove off, so no luck with the pranks, but the hotter it gets around here, the more these guys will try to entertain themselves at someone else’s expense.

With the break in the heat, I’m feeling a little less like roadkill today.  I don’t think that’s what is causing the rising tide of internal rage.  I’ve got a pretty good idea what’s up, but I’m going to have to be an adult and deal.

(Remember when throwing on some superhero underoos could make your day?  I wonder if they make them in man sizes?)

(Apparently, they’re making them in hottie sizes! Damn!!!)

And no, to that friend of mine who suggested that it had just been too long since I had gotten laid….it’s not that…(although it has been awhile for that as well.)

I almost wish I were like a mood ring with my “condition”.  Like I’d start to turn dark blue the worse that the Myasthenia Gravis was affecting me.  Then the people around me would know when to start backing the f*ck off.  The other great benefit to this would be as I started to look like a pissed off giant smurf, those people who question whether anything is wrong would f*cking get a clue.

(Ghost SMASH!!!!….then take really long nap…cause he gets very tired…very fast…MG sucks!)

Yeah, it’s been suggested that I’m bucking for sympathy or playing it up….if anything, I hide when it’s bothering me…I also detest being treated any differently, so I’ve just been gutting it out, finding ways to cope.  Mowed the grass and hung some blinds before work today.  My forearms and hands feel like painful stone blocks right now. The muscle spasms started in my left tricep and calf almost immediately after mowing when I sat down.  Ever hear of someone’s arms getting tired just typing 200 words?  From my fingertips to my biceps, I can feel every muscle as I force my fingers to extend out and hit each and every key….I can almost feel a tired “pull” up through my right bicep and up into my left shoulder a bit.  It’s fun…in that not very cool way.

Oh well.  F*ck MG, and f*ck those people. 

I had the LDoC Father’s day weekend, and I got this Halestorm covers CD at their show last winter.  Apparently, Axl Rose granted them permission to print a certain number, and the band thought they could reprint more, and his people refused to allow them to print more.  If you can find one, grab it.  It has a Skid Row, Lady Gaga, Temple of the Dog, Guns ‘N Roses, Heart and The Beatles.  Well, I play the first track, and ask my daughter if she knows who this is, and she screams, “Lizzy!!!!!!”.  She’s going into first grade, and we haven’t covered the whole, sometimes rock stars spell their names funny phenomenon.  So, LZZY, you definitely have a little new fan.

If you get the chance to see Halestorm, do it…LZZY is a tiny little thing, but she can wail.  Their drummer is a gag too.  He damn near juggles his drumsticks while playing….it’s pretty impressive.  Got to meet them after the show, and they’re legitimately nice people too.

(To their mother, I filter the content…we don’t listen to any questionable songs…no swears.  I promise.)

Anyway, been slacking this week.  Finally made the jump to the other building at work, but I have to be up for work at 5am…instead of my usual NOON wake up alarm….getting adjusted to the new schedule….I should get it down just in time to move to third shift!  F#$%$#%$# AWESOME!!!!!

It’s a good job, and I’m thankful….but a regular sleep schedule would be nice.

Anyway, I’m working on a couple pieces…might have one for you Friday.

Later, hookers.  To my buddy, VF, Ghost has a present for you the next time he sees you.

Til then…

I’m Ghost, and I’m out of here…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Alright you f*ckers…

Ghost here…

As we inch closer to the polls in November to elect the next asshole to run our country, I’m getting less able to sit quietly.

Read this:

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2012/05/03/pettitte-testimony-in-clemens-case-could-cost-justice-department-conviction/

The Justice Department is trying to convict Roger Clemens of perjury…again.

^%@^#$^%%#^%%

Seriously? Why in the blue hell are we wasting our damn money on this?  Where are my bankers at?  I want these financial gurus on trial for SOMETHING!!!! Sh*t, I don’t even care if you can’t convict them….Get after their asses.

Make them think twice about doing something so catastrophically stupid in the future.

No one gives a f*ck about Roger f*cking Clemens.  Just more of my damn tax dollars being pissed away.  Assholes.

If this were a guy who had some weed growing in his backyard, the swat team would have secured the conviction and preserved the chain of custody and nailed that poor bastard to the wall.

Which is the bigger crime: growing some weed or stealing the future from millions of Americans?

Get your f*cking heads out of your asses and start doing your damn job.

Worthless sacks of flesh.

Ghost pissed off…and out…

Ghost Sports review….and other stuff…

Howdy Ghost fans…

First, my “teams” are the St. Louis Cardinals (defending World Champs, y’all!),

the Cleveland Browns (Dawg Pound for life!), 

Phoenix Suns (Steve Nash is the man, and if he retires this season, the league is losing one helluva man, let alone a player.)

and the Washington Capitals (who just knocked off the defending champs Boston in 7 straight One-goal games, including 4 OT games.)

Explaining the wild diverse span there will take far too much time….so I’ll try to boil it down…I started playing football in junior high, and didn’t want to root for the local team just because they were good, so while playing Tecmo Bowl on the NES, I started trying out different squads…Let’s just say that Bernie Kosar, Clay Matthews and Ozzie Newsome made an impact on me.  Throw in Kevin Mack, Webster Slaughter, Gerald “The IceCube” McNeil, Eric Metcalf and the list goes on…I found my team.  They were pretty darn good late 80′s/early 90′s…I got hooked.

The Phoenix Suns were a little more complicated.  My favorite player growing up was Charles Barkley.  I briefly rooted for the Sixers, but when he got traded to Phoenix (where I have some cousins) I had a team.  From Kevin Johnson to Dan Majerle to Jason Kidd to Steve Nash…and briefly the Big Shaqtus…How could I forget the Matrix? I found a team that I liked and wanted to root for.

I’ve always been a St. Louis Cardinal fan.  Dad loved them, and where I’m from, you either root for the Redbirds or the Cubs.  Never really considered anything else.

The Caps?  Well, from the early NHL video games on Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo, Dino Ciccarelli, Dale Hunter, Al Iafrate and Don Beaupre were it.  They had cool uniforms, and Iafrate could beat that ass!  Dale Hunter could throw down too.  In the old days, you had to just keep running into guys til someone would fight….you wanted to stay the F*CK away from Marty McSorley of the Kings and Bob Probert of the Red Wings..those dudes would end your night quick!!!

Which actually brings me back to my original point…even in the early days of these hockey games, when you could start creating players, you couldn’t make black dudes…there weren’t any in the NHL and they just weren’t an option….but the game 7 winning goal last night was scored by the only black player on the Caps squad, Joel Ward.

And people started tweeting all sorts of ignorant racist sh*t.

http://espn.go.com/nhl/playoffs/2012/story/_/id/7858832/2012-stanley-cup-playoffs-joel-ward-washington-capitals-not-letting-racist-tweets-ruin-biggest-goal

This was an EPIC series.  A number 7 seed upsetting a number 2.  In seven straight one-goal games with four OT matches tossed in there too!  Just great hockey.  The young Caps Goaltender going head to head with the dude who stood on his head and lead the Bruins to the championship just the year before.

The Capitals head coach was pulling their best scorer with leads, to play more defensive minded players.  Just a ton of strategy and nail biting.

Why the f*ck is race even still an issue?  Grow the hell up people.  I guarantee if those same morons tweeting last night had a black player on the Bruins score the game winning goal, that same kind of nonsense wouldn’t have been coming out of their mouth.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise anyone that ignorance is still alive and kicking.  Do everyone a favor…and smack any friends or family who you hear talking like this.  It’s seriously time to put an end to this crap.  Make the effort to smack the ignorance out of people today.  I’ll work on getting my lawyer buddies to draft a law to get Congress to approve.  If you hear someone spouting off “hate speech” you are free to slap the piss out of them.  We’ll call it Preemptive Applied Reeducation Therapy.  If it prevents hate crimes or just keeps people from staying stupid sh*t, it’s totally worth it.

(Hold still. Let me slap that out!!!)

Think we can get this law to pass?  Is anyone really in opposition to it?

Ghost out…

Guest blogger Friday! April 20, 2012 edition

What’s up, f*ckers? (Channeling my Steve Stiffler from the American Pie movies.)

Hey Cub fans…here’s what you have to  brag about at this very moment:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
St. Louis	9	4	.692	-	4-2	5-2	73	42	+31	Lost 1	7-3	73.9
Milwaukee	6	7	.462	3	3-3	3-4	54	67	-13	Lost 1	5-5	39.7
Pittsburgh	5	7	.417	3.5	2-1	3-6	26	35	-9	Won 2	4-6	7.4
Cincinnati	5	8	.385	4	3-3	2-5	39	56	-17	Won 1	3-7	14.2
Houston	4	8	.333	4.5	3-3	1-5	46	49	-3	Lost 4	3-7	6.1
Chicago Cubs	3	10	.231	6	2-5	1-5	46	67	-21	Lost 5	2-8	8.9

Yep…Didn’t even make it to May and your asses are in the basement…Bahahahahahaha!!!!!

Where did you all go?  You were so vocal about the ring presentation in St. Louis. 

Crickets…..crickets….

Oh well…as you know, Ghost takes Friday’s off to play video games and chase women…or run from women chasing him…however it’s working that day…

Anyway, here’s a woman’s take on strip clubs…given that I used to date a “dancer”, I found this take remarkably uncontroversial…and at the same time…humanized the “strippers”.  Having spent time with “dancers” while they’re not at work…I can attest…some of them actually are quite interesting people.

Without further ado…I give you 21st Century and her take on strip clubs:

http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/6-things-you-dont-know-about-strip-clubs/

Have fun this weekend b*tches!

Ghost has been invited to work security for roller derby, go to beerfest, and has a couple of ladies trying to catch the Ghost for what he can only assume is branding and then getting locked in a corral.  Oh yeah..and then he’s working Sunday again.

Should be some interesting stories this weekend anyway.

Ghost out…

Ghost, you funny b@stard…

Hey there, Ghost fans…Have a riddle for you…

***********************************************

So, a white guy, a black guy and a Mexican all walk into a sportsbar to watch game 7 of the World Series…The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”….So he looks at the white guy, and the white guy says, “I’ll be drinking a Guinness for every run my team scores tonight, but start me off with one now!”…He looks at the black guy, and the black guy says, ”I’m downing a Captain and Diet Coke for every strike out our pitchers get tonight, but start me off with one now!”…He looks at the Mexican, and the Mexican says, “Give me a Pacifico, and I’ll do a shot of tequila at the top of every inning for good luck,  because my team is getting a title tonight!”….Which one is the Cub fan?

***********************************************

So, Ghost has been sucking it a little bit on here….for that, I will not apologize.

I’ve been pretty damn tired here recently.  Have some good days, have some bad ones.  The days where I don’t type a lot are better, so I’m going to have to shorten up my posts, or post less often.

I’ve decided to channel some of my creative juices and finally write the book that I’ve wanted to since I was about 17.  Maybe work on two at the same time.  Look for something in the fantasy/sci-fi/zombie genre.  Who knows what’ll come out of my head.

Figure out that riddle yet?

***********************************************

So, the white guy…not the Cub fan.

The black guy…not the Cub fan.

The Mexican….also, not the Cub fan.

It’s the bartender.  Seriously…Any REAL baseball fan would have called in sick for Game 7…and a Cub fan would never need to call in for a World Series game…let alone a game 7. 

Go Redbirds!  Defending Champs.  Quit talking smack Cub fans…Especially when you’ve got nothing to brag about.

Ghost out…