What do I think?…You sure you want me to answer that?…

Howdy Ghostfans….

Been digging into my inner nerdling here lately…probably because I’ve been spending a lot of time around my 14 year old…Parts of my personality tend to resonate more prominently when I’m around certain people.

(Yeah, I know…some big words there…Resonate, Prominently…look them up retards…I’ll wait…)

(Okay Ghost, so what you’re trying to say is that you’re different around different people…doesn’t that mean you’re fake?)

No, dipwad.  What it means is that I am a multi-faceted person….sh*t….This conversation will take forever if I don’t dumb this down a bit….okay…There are many parts to me…and when I’m around someone, whatever we have in common tends to come out more.

For example, my oldest is into video games and science fiction…so, those parts of me that are the same tend to come out.  When I’m around my buddies who are into sports, my competitive side and that inner combatant/athlete come out.  When I’m around my engineer buddies we have debates over wormholes, dark matter and the possibility of time travel…and not just hypothetical crap…like detailed arguments that cover detailed laws of physics.

(Yeah, I know…I lost you…I’ll get to the point…)

I write from the perspective of one of my five “personalities”, because I am really like 5 people rolled into one.  SheWhoMustNotBeNamed routinely will ask, “Who am I talking to?”  She wants no part of DarkSide or Everto….but if Pathos happens to be nearby or even The Knight, they’ll be a sympathetic ear.

The biggest trick with me, is realizing that I’m not just one of those guys, but all 5 simultaneously.  It’s why I drink sometimes…it shuts them up.  Gives the dust some time to settle, and allows me to find a clear path to start out on.

So, you have to be careful when you ask me something.  Sometimes, you might not like the response you get.  This happens frequently.  I’m big on honesty.  I’ll usually warn you…You sure you want to know what I’m thinking?

I’d never have it any other way.  I have people ask me ridiculous sh*t from time to time…just because they know that I’ll think about it, and then give them a thoughtful, rational answer.

Like, ‘That dude is on something.  I don’t know what, but you might be better off without him.”

Or, “That b*tch is crazy, bro.  You need to boot that one to the curb and swear off it cold turkey.”

Or even, “No, I don’t care what he said…that reaction in bed is NOT normal for ANY dude.”

So, what frustrates me more than anything is when people let me down or refuse to talk to me.  It’s like this: If I did something, tell me.  Let me explain and correct it.

Don’t give me this, “You know what you did.” bullsh*t.

No, I don’t.  That’s why I’m asking.  Or even worse is when I just get the cold shoulder. If you’re expecting me to change something, and I don’t know what it is, THAT certainly isn’t getting it done.

I just start to think that you’re mental, and that I’m better off forgetting that you actually breathe air.  Which is sad, because I care about a LOT of sh*t…and people, that I probably shouldn’t.  People who blow me off.  People who ignore me.  People who frankly treat me like sh*t and talk about me behind my back.

(Go f*ck yourself…but if you’re on fire….sigh, I guess I’ll stop and put you out.)

But in the end, if they called me tomorrow, and needed something, I’d drop whatever was going and do my damn level best to help out…..That’s just who I am.  It’s how I always will be.

Almost everyone comes around.  Very few people hate me….even fewer actually have a legit reason to.

If you tell me that you want to get together, mean it.  When I call, don’t put me off. 

Frankly, I’m sick…and real damn tired…and that’s just from my neurological disorder…I’m not even factoring in the bullsh*t from friends and family…and those few enemies.

My new favorite is people who are offended…because YOU have a problem with what they say/do/post on Facespace, etc…

Well, if y’all post something I take offense to…I’m sure as hell gonna tell you.  The statement, “It’s my Facespace page, if you don’t like what I post, delete me.” is ignorant as hell.  You ‘invite’ someone to be a “friend” on that website.  That implies conversation and dialogue.  Those are TWO-way endeavors.

Not everyone will believe what you believe, nor will they always see things the same way.  A rational human being should listen when someone speaks.  It’s how we grow as humans…to consider the thoughts and feelings of others.  You can gain valuable insight this way.

Take this quote for thought:
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”
P. J. O’Rourke

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/pjorour124944.html#0S8I2YJM6FtJBzJs.99

Well, you’re free to think and say whatever you want…but the consequence is the reaction.  I responded negatively to a few Facespace posts, and people seemed shocked that I’d be opposed to it…after all, it was just a joke.

I saw this one posted a couple times:
Now at it’s core…I’m not really completely opposed to this…however, there are several DADS who fill both roles…there are also Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents who get left behind to raise kids….so, just don’t post crap like this.  The point of Father’s Day is to honor good and great MEN.

This next one is the one that got me started:

Straight up inappropriate for Father’s Day weekend.  It’s not funny.  It’s not a joke.  It’s an attack against fathers who aren’t fulfilling their duties.  Not appropriate to post.  Give men 3 damn days to celebrate, please.  Lay off this sh*t from Friday to Sunday…then feel free to dead beat dad bash all you want.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…if it doesn’t apply to you, why are you so upset?  Someone even implied that I was reacting so strongly because I might not be as good a father as I ought to be.

You know what…I’m not.  I can always be better, and I work at it every day.  Being a good parent isn’t a title, it’s a job.  One that if you complete it properly, your children will leave your nest, and be successful individuals.  If you’re celebrating now, then you’re coasting.

The reason I react so strongly to this sh*t on Father’s Day?  Is because my father is gone.  One of my grandfather’s is gone, and I barely got to know but maybe one of my great-grandfathers.  This day is to pay respect to the men who are and have done their job in raising their families…not to roast the one’s who have/are f*cking it up.  So everytime you post something that detracts from the spirit of the day, you make the statement that men aren’t important in raising a child….that it’s more important to remind the world that there are bad guys out there.

The father who showed me what hard work and going to work sick and even hurting looked like.  To the grandfather who kicked my kindergarten ass in tic-tac-toe and showed no mercy, even though he was 50 years older than me.  It made me tough and want to work hard for the win.

I don’t care what anyone says…you NEVER see this kind of crap on Mother’s Day.  You don’t.  There aren’t carefully worded Jpegs that glorify the Dad’s who wear both hats, and there aren’t any, Happy Mother’s Day except for those crazy, drug addled whores, who abandon their children and leave them to the REAL men to raise.

That sh*t doesn’t happen.  Don’t try to play like it does.  And if someone does post something, it’s isolated and rare.  You don’t see dozens of people ‘liking’ the photo and sharing it.

The sad thing is that stuff like this next pic only popped up on my newsfeed once:

Something truly worthy of the spirit of the day.  Well, I’m posting it here, and I’m thanking every one of you bastards who’ve gone and served and missed birthdays, holidays, and yes…even Father’s Days…Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You keep my little demons safe, and I that is a debt that I can never repay.

Some of these men DON’T come home, and I’m pretty sure those women would trade your f*cking Jpeg for THAT man any time of day.

So to you misguided souls who think it’s funny to bash deadbeats on Father’s Day weekend, knock it off.  It’s uncalled for. Use the other 362 days a year for that…for f*ck’s sake, it’s even a leap year, you can take 363 days this year for it.  Just leave our f*cking holiday alone.

To those of you moms who truly are on your own, your job is no doubt tough…you get yours on Mother’s Day.  I’m sure that somewhere in your lives, there is a man worth recognizing…make sure that your kids know what a good male role model is.  THAT is what the f*cking day is for!

Anyway, I’m done preaching…for now.  About 359 days, and I’ll start reminding you again.

Ghost out…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Sh*t the Spectre says…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Well, we’ve got a week in the books since the Spectre’s surprise one-way ticket to Ghost’s doorstep.  Lots of video games and talking been done, and here are some gems to come my way via the unique perspective of my soon to be 15-year old:

Spectre: Hey, dad?  You ever hear many blonde jokes?
Ghost:  Please…I dated your mom…I’m pretty sure that SHE’S the reason that blonde jokes exist!
Spectre: Yeah…okay…I could see that.

Spectre: I used to be an adventurer like you…til I took an arrow to the knee.
(Any Skyrim nerds out there?)

Spectre: And for you American viewers out there….stuff happened in other countries that wasn’t “totally awesome” and didn’t involve explosions.

Subzero: How’s your boy doing?
Ghost: Oh, he’s mine alright…I get off work and walk in the door, he’s passed out on the couch, glasses on, PS3 on pause, clutching the controller….almost wouldn’t let go of it.
Subzero: Teaching that boy right, I see.  Haha.

Ghost’s mom: Oh, yes. We went to church, and one of the girls down the street asked me who that was who was with me.
Ghost (Looking at Spectre): NO!  Don’t even try to date that girl down the street…or either of her two sisters!  I grew up with their dad, and I’m just telling you right now, he’s my friend…I don’t want to run into him and have to avoid the, “So, your son’s banging my daugher…” awkward conversation.

(I guess my son is dating your daughter…but if you don’t lower that umbrella, I’m gonna have to kick your ass!)

Ghost(Playing Modern Warfare 3): Sit your ass down.  Oops, just shot your boy in his damn head…and another one….and another one…are you guys retarded?  Seriously…you run down that path..get shot in the head, and think, “Oh, I’m gonna get him!  I’ll just run back down that path and…dink…headshot….Oh, I’m really gonna get him now!!!!  I’ll just run back down that path, and…dink…headshot…”
Spectre: Did he tell you you could get back up?
Ghost: That’s right, little man!
Spectre: Aladeen, muthaf*cka!!!
(If you haven’t seen ‘The Dictator”, you won’t get it.)

Spectre(Laying on the couch): Man!  It’s only 9 am….
Ghost:  Be quiet…I normally sleep til 11 or 12…play video games or something…
Spectre: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…….

Spectre: Dad, the dog keeps trying to hump me.
Ghost: Punch him in the face.
Spectre: I can’t do that.
Ghost: Then he’s gonna keep trying it.
(Guido tries to hump Spectre’s leg again.)
Spectre: (Paff…he cuffs Guido across the snout) Get off me, dammit!
Ghost: See. Your dad knows things….now just remember that for when all the girls are wanting sex…I’m not trying to be a grandpa in the next 10 years.
Spectre: I know…I know…boot in my ass if I get someone pregnant.
Ghost: The muthaf*ckin’ U.N. is gonna be up in here talking about human rights violations, son!  Evil Dictators are gonna be calling me for tutorial lessons in torture.

(Yeah…kinda like that..but Guido is blonde, and weighs about 70 lbs and looks like Chewbacca!)

(Better set those blasters to stun!)

Well, Thursday is here and about gone.  Got a pretty cool guest blog lined up for tomorrow….meaning I stole that sh*t!!!!  AND YOU KNOW THIS, MANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, have a good one…stay safe….

Ghost out…

Well…f*ck me…it’s Tuesday…

Howdy Ghost fans…

Long time no chat…Memorial Day has come and gone….one of my biggest personal regrets..not having served.  Had the opportunity, but couldn’t pull the trigger on it because of the kids.  With my ability to learn new languages, the opportunity to go the the Defense Language School in Monterey would have been amazing.

(The view in Monterey!)

(F*ck THAT!!!  No thank you.)

Anyway, a big thanks to those who’ve served and especially to the families of those who are gone.  And a giant f*ck you to anyone who ever has or thought about protesting a service man or woman’s funeral.  Seriously…I will stop my car and whip your ass if I see you doing this.  We’ll see if y’all truly are pacifists.

(Yeah!  You sumbitches.  You’ve been warned.  If I see this sh*t in my neighborhood, I’m taking out the trash.)

(Much love to these guys.  Lots of flags and loud pipes to mask the Retard Demonstrations.)

Not sure what to do with my life.  I only ever seem to get one…sometimes two areas of my life together, and the rest falls apart.  Work seems to be going well.  Socially, have a few women hollering at me….but, I’m just not feeling it….can’t seem to get on the same page with the mothers of my kids…ever.  So, I’m missing out on time with the kids, which really is about the only thing that ever puts a smile on my face.

So, I’m going to let Pathos take the wheel today and do some of his creative writing crap.  Currently my damn hands are fighting me pretty good with the typing….more doctor’s appointments.  Hopefully they can do something to help me out with this crap. 

It’s so damn hard to talk to you
A great deal of what you say is right
But so much is completely amiss

Your confusion is understood
Your hatred expected
Your forgiveness, is for all I wish

I can’t deny the things I’ve said
I can’t undo the things I did
But who I was, is no longer who I am

 Expending so much time
Hating all that was
Rehashing every sin
Forcing the replays til I’m numb

I spent so much time loving
Who I thought you were
While you hoped and prayed
To be with, who I might become

From the fairy tale pictures
In front of that castle
To that familiar curve of your hips

From the fists in my face
To the dishes I ducked
To the caress of my cheek with your finger tips

I wish I could fix it
Make all the pain go away
But fairy tales don’t happen
While horror stories, so true

So here I sit powerless
Waiting for the next loop to replay
Working to get better each day
Trying to appear different to you

This is my fate
Your never ending hate
Convicted…sentenced and damned

***************************************************************************************

Ghost out…

I’ve come to realize something…

Howdy, Ghostfans….

It was a long day at work…

Two beers…sore back muscles, and a 5am wake up call are not doing anything to settle the brain down, so it’s time to vent some verbiage.

If you follow me, you know that I’m a dad.  It’s probably the greatest thing that ever happened to me….four times.

It also scares the living sh*t out of me from time to time.

This whole “being a grown-up” thing never came with a rule book or user’s guide…I just f*cking wing it most of the time, based on my best educated guess….and pray a WHOLE LOT!!!

The thing I’ve come to understand is this:
I’m never going to feel like the “adult”.

The best I’m going to hope for is to use this child’s spirit and enjoy it, but fake being a grown-up as best as I can when it’s required…

Let’s face it….I’m a 35 year old guy who has 5 imaginary friends that live in his head….yeah, I’m probably the closest embodiment of the Toys ‘R Us theme song that has ever lived….I’m pretty sure my kids love me so much because we’re all about the same emotional/mental age….I’m actually kind of worried they’ll outgrow me.

 

C’est la vie.  Je suis l’homme que je suis.

(Suck it, hookers! Prodigy is busting out that french stuff on your asses!!!)

Be yourself…it’s what people pay admission for…

Anyway…I’m going to see some more doctors…I’ve started throwing some new symptoms…the muscle spasms have spread and are affecting just about every part of my body.

It was kind of funny when it was my thumbs and my right eyelid…but the left triceps and hamstring…the right calf…those started being less humorous.

Kind of worried this thing might be progressing…or worse, be something else….so, back to the drawing board.

Thanks for reading me…Your feedback and questions are always welcome.

I’m on Facespace at: http://www.Facebook.com/theGhostLife
Email at Irish.Ghost28@gmail.com
Twitzone is @TheGhostLife.

Starting an eligible bachelorette profile series. If you’re thinking you’re hot stuff, holler at me. 

We might just feature you in an upcoming blog. Mwuhuhahahaha!!!

Ghost out…

Dark Side grammar lesson for the Lost Demon…

Here goes:

Ghost: Gonna call you when I get off work.

Lost Demon: ok i will be waiting

Ghost: Your reply should have been….Yes, my master.  Like Darth Vader.

Lost Demon: yess masster

Ghost: No…It’s…Yes, my master. Vader…not Igor.

Lost Demon: vader i am your son

Ghost: Quit trying to argue. I said LIKE Vader. That’s how Sith address their masters…jabroni….and f*cking use some punctuation while I’m at it!!!

Lost Demon: i was pulling a movie quote in reverse. luke i am your father? yes, my master

Ghost:  Better, now try some Caps too.

Lost Demon: Yes, my master

Ghost: Period. Use the damn period!

Lost Demon: YES, MY MASTER.

Ghost: Too much capitals…now you’re yelling. Dumbass. Try again.

Lost Demon: Yes, my master.

Ghost: There you go.  Much better.

Lost Demon: x facepalm x

Ghost: You’re gonna think Facepalm when I use the Force to reach through the phone and smack you in the back of the head.

Lost Demon: Haha

Ghost: Little punk…wait til I see you next…

Lost Demon: x gulp x

Ghost: Mwuhuhahaha!!!

Lost Demon: i have no idea on how to respond

Ghost: Try using correct grammar and punctuation.

Lost Demon. Ok I will.

********************************************************************

Sigh….kids…eventually, you have to turn over the keys to the stardestroyer….

Ghost out…

Ohhhhh….the sh*t that comes out of Ghost’s mouth…

Ghost fans…

Had a couple good days the last two days…still laughing when I get the hand tremors…

Thought I’d risk an upper body work out today.  We’ll see how that works. Probably try to run some tomorrow. 

Thought I’d share some stupid things that have come up in my life here recently.

***********************************************************************

Ghost–”Why is she such a crazy b*tch?”

     —Friend replies, “Do you know any ‘rational/logical ones’?”

Ghost– “Fair point.”

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At Work—

Ghost–”Here’s the phone, man.”

–Coworker, “Oh, I’m not using it anymore.  But ‘Frank’ is.”

Ghost–”I was just in the office with him…why didn’t he ask for it?”

–Coworker, “Because he’s f*cking stupid.”

(Why yes, yes he is…certainly walked into that one did I.)

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On, Halloween, Ghost went as Will Ferrell’s character in Semi-Pro, Jackie Moon. 

(THIS GUY!!!!)

This conversation happened with my mom, now keep in mind….that there was NO lead in to this conversation…It starts COLD, just like this:

“Hey, your Halloween costume is getting a sequel?”

Me — “What?”

Mom– “You know, that Will Ferrell guy that I don’t like? He announced he’s doing a sequel to that movie…you know..Anchorguy…Ron Jeremy?”

Me—(Literally rolling on the couch in a fit of laughter) “Oh sh*t, Mom!  That’s totally going in my blog.”

Mom– “Why?”

Me– “Ron BURGUNDY, Mom.  Ron Jeremy is a porn star…I went as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro, anyway.”

Mom– “F*ck you.  You knew what I meant.”

(Stay Classy, San Diego.)

(Stay Trampy, Everywhere else!!! Hey, Ghost..can you introduce me to that Snarky Kat chick?)

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Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 online with Subzero….

Random (good) player… “Man, you guys suck!  We completely dominated your asses.  If I were you guys, I’d kill myself….that was pathetic.”

Ghost… “Well, sh*t for brains…I have a life outside of Gamerland…during our match I’ve been texting two different girls, I’m about to head out to run a couple errands, then I’m headed to a party later and maybe some karaoke.  Have fun camped out in your mommy’s basement, spanking it to internet porn tonight.  I’m out…”

Subzero laughing his ass off… “You told him, Ghost.”

Take two…

Random 14 year old (very good) gamer,  “You guys are absolute sh*t!  Do you even know how to play the game? You guys are the worst players I’ve ever seen.”

Ghost: “Well, Timmy…I worked all night at my JOB, I can’t play 16 hours a day to get as good as you are.  Secondly, when your mommy makes you get off here in about 15 minutes to go to Soccer practice, she and I are gonna hook up at the motel, while she “kills time” waiting to pick you back up. My sex life also cuts into my game time.”

Random 14 year (very good) gamer: “Go to hell, Ghost.”

(About 20 minutes later…and after Subzero goes off and annihilates everyone…The kind of streak where all you hear, is “Sit your ass down. Did I say you could get up?  I SAAAIIIIIDDD, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, FOOL!!!  Oh, Oh, Look out…Subzero kill cam!!!)

R14YO gamer: “Well, guys…I’m outta here.  I gotta go to swim practice.”

Subzero: “Hey Ghost, does that mean you have to go to the motel now?”

Ghost: “Nah, I can probably play a couple more before I have to go rock his mom’s world.”

(Everyone else online laughing….R14YOgamer logs off, never says another word.)

(Subzero says, ‘Sit your ass down! And don’t piss off the Ghost! Ask that Garage Door! GOG,GOG,GOG,GOG!!!!)

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Ghost on the phone with his daughter…

Princess– “Daddy, I love you more than hot dogs and macaroni and cheese!”

Ghost — “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Princess — “And Daddy, I love you more than ice cream too!”

Ghost — “Wow, I love you too more than hot dogs, ice cream AND macaroni and cheese together!!!”

Princess — “Daddy, all that stuff together would be gross.”

Ghost — “Well, Princess…I love you more than video games!”

Princess– “Wow, Daddy…that is a lot, A LOT!!!”

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On the phone with the Little Demon Sh*t from Hell…

LDSH: “Daddy, why did the Easter Bunny bring me a Buzz Lightyear with no helmet? What is THAT?  I was like…A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!! Wait, he has no helmet?  What is wrong with the Easter Bunny?

(Ghost, having no idea with his mother and the Easter Bunny conspired to get him)

Ghost: It must be a special one?

LDSH: I just found a helmet and fixed it. Crazy Easter Bunny.

(Dad, I think the Easter Bunny’s been sniffing glue again…he brought me a Buzz Lightyear…WITH NO HELMET, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????)

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Phone conversation with the 14 year old, Lost Demon…

Lost Demon: “So, I’m at school, and this kid calls me a fag in the hallway.  He’s like, ‘Drama is gay…you fag.’  So I said, ‘Really? I get to sing and dance with GIRLS….and watch their boobs bounce up and down, you know…cause we’re dancing….while you get to go strip down to your underwear, and roll around with a bunch of hot sweaty guys.  Who’s gay now?’”

(Ghost laughing pretty hard) “Well, buddy…that was a pretty good comeback. What did he say?”

LD: “Oh, nothing…about three weeks later he announced that he was bi-sexual.”

(Ghost facepalms) “In Junior High? Dear God, we were busy trying to figure out how to get into a girl’s pants in 8th grade…not deciding whose pants we liked being in better!”

LD: “Yeah, don’t worry dad…I’m not doing that stuff.”

Ghost: “Yeah…say what you want…but you know what’ll happen, right?”

LD: “Yeah, yeah….if you get a call from the the cops, the school, or some girl’s parents because I got arrested, my grades slipped or some girl is pregnant, you’re going to put your boots on, walk through some extra nasty stuff, and then put them so far up my butt that I’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom of them.”

Ghost: “As long as we’re on the same page.”

LD: “Yeah, I got it.”

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At a house party, with Subzero, That Effing Girl and 1Nightstand…

Ghost: “Hey, Subzero…they have barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

Ghost: “What? I said there’s barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

TFG: “Why do you keep bugging him about the damn barbecue?”

Subzero: “Go ahead and tell her, Ghost. Why do you keep reminding me that there is barbecue in the house?”

Ghost (laughing): ‘Cause he’s black….hahahaha…”

TFG (Looking all serious and slightly offended): “Ghost, you can’t say that!”

Subzero: “It’s all good. He’s my boy…and since he’s see thru clear, he ain’t really white.”

Ghost: “I bet if they had some sushi your ass would be in there. What up, my NIN-JUH?” (Subzero is also Japanese…we call him Black-anese.)

Subzero: “Oh, hell yeah..I’d be tearing some sushi up.”

Ghost: “I ain’t right.  I’m sorry y’all…I ain’t right.”

Subzero: “No…you aren’t.  But that’s why we like you.”

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Well, I figure I’ll wrap this up.  Supposed to be kicking it with the little terror trio this weekend.  Should be interesting. So until next time…

Ghost out…

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Follow Ghost’s Insanity on Facespace @ www.facebook.com/theghostlife

and on TwitZone @TheGhostLife

Email pics, rants, raves, whatever to: Irish.Ghost28@Gmail.com

We may start posting fan pics…just cover your face, and make it real.

Further proof…the world is getting dumber…

What’s up, b*tches!

Dark Side running things today, so you know it will be short and sweet.

http://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/2012/04/10/things-just-got-real-2/?xrs=synd_facebook

Go to the link.  Daniel Tosh has compiled a list of Twit-tards.

Subject: Holy sh*t, I didn’t know Titanic was real!

You know how there was all that history, bronze age, iron age, etc….?  They’re building aquaducts and cathedrals and sh*t our craftsmen can’t touch today, and then all of a sudden, Rome collapses, and then there were the “Dark Ages”?

Well, slowly but surely, the youth of this world are not learning how to spell….they can do nothing for themselves…and they apparently have no clue what has EVER happened in the history of man.

(Yes, even these guys are smarter than today’s teens…sigh…)

Take my argument with one such teen a couple of years ago.  I stated that I was glad Nirvana broke up, because otherwise we’d never had gotten the Foo Fighters. I didn’t really care for Nirvana that much anyway.

Teenager: “Why? Kurt Cobain started Nirvana. Dave Grohl started the Foo Fighters.”

Ghost: “Dave Grohl WAS the drummer for Nirvana.”

Teenager: “NO! Dave Grohl started the Foo Fighters.  How could he be in two bands at the same time?”

Ghost: (Googles “Who was the drummer for Nirvana?” and shoves phone into teen’s face.) “Dumbass!  He was in Nirvana FIRST…AS THEIR DRUMMER!”

Teenager: “I didn’t know that.”

Ghost: “NO F*CKING SHIT!!!!!”

(Yes!  This kind of dumb!!!)

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I  am going to slap my 14 year old in the back of the head twice for this the next time I see him….if his friends are this dumb, I want to make sure he doesn’t catch it…they used to smack kids in the back of the head all the time in the “old days” when they were dumb….maybe this will keep him safe.

I’m afraid you hippies are gonna get your legalized dope….right before the next great civilization crash….there won’t be a great age of enlightened thinkers…just a bunch of doped up, starving teenagers. 

(Yeah…ask them where beef comes from…dumbasses…)

“Man, it’s too bad the store is closed.  I could really go for a burger.”

“Yeah, and all these dumb cows just crap all over the place….they aren’t good for nothing….”

“Yeah, I could also use a big glass of milk!  Man, that would be so awesome!”

(Bang, Bang)  Well, there’s two that won’t be breeding…..

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For Ghost, this is Dark Side…reminding you to beat your kids…early and often!

Ghost out…

Top 10 Reasons Scarlett Johansson Needs to Date the Ghost…

What’s up, Ghost fans? How about this weather?  Yeah, it’s getting hotter…..I hate it too.

(Dammit…I see you up there sun…I still got the night…biotch!)

What’s that?  The title?  What do you mean?  Of COURSE she would date Ghost.  She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.  Of COURSE I’m serious.  Fine…I’ll give you ten perfectly good reasons why she should then!

(I’d totally chat her up if I saw her in public….Wanna bet?)

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10)Hollywood relationships fail harder than the average…

Now, while the current divorce rates are somewhere between 50 and 60%, and I could find no actual statistics for celebrity divorce…..everyone KNOWS that this is a fact….just go with it.

So best case, it’s a fifty-fifty proposition.  Those aren’t bad odds….(we totally aren’t getting into the numbers of marriages between people who have previously been divorced..Somebody grab Prodigy and tie him up and lock him in the back….that fricking guy would do the research and give us like some damn 17% success rate or something.)

…Take a look at Matt Damon.  He’s married to a TEACHER!  Famous actor…regular gal.  They’re doing great.  I won’t even bother to rattle off the list of failed rockstar/actor/actress/model pairings.

 (Good example) (Bad example)

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9) Ghost is older.  He appreciates things more than a young guy…but not super creepy like those really old guys who have been chasing after you…<cough, Sean Penn, cough-cough>…  Scarlett turns 28 this year, and Ghost just turned 35.  Not a bad age difference at all.

(Bad Spicoli! <Water Bottle spray to the face> Bad!  Go chase Demi Moore…we hear she’s available.)

More proof:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7873718

According to this study, divorce rates are at their lowest when the man is between two and ten years older than the woman.  The age difference is solidy in these parameters. Given Ghost’s dazzling youthful appearance, and the propensity of the men in his family to age well, Scarlett would look perfectly in place alongside such a dashing chap with rogueish good looks! (Okay, nice stat drop there Prodigy…you can join us again.)

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8) The dimple. Yeah…we can’t show it.  It’s that amazing.  The sideways grin and dimple combo is lethal.  We have enough trouble with stalkers as is.  Hell, the eyes usually get them started.

We know he’s prone to wearing t-shirts, cargo shorts and ball caps…but you should see him in a sport coat and tie…he cleans up very nicely.

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7)  Ghost is longterm material. He’s not afraid to commit…done it twice already.  Two relationships over 7 years under his belt…That beats out most Hollywood types for sure! That being said…Ghost has a good job with a large company. I’m not sure what kind of medical and dental that the Actor’s Guild is offering these days, but Ghost has some pretty good benefits where he works!  He’s also not interested in your money.  He’ll sign whatever pre-nup you’re needing…..should you get that far…

I mean…you’d have to get past the dating standards set up by his “Big Sisters” (Ms. Voodoo and Ms. F.O.B.) well before you could ever even discuss marriage with Ghost. Dye your hair red…and the Ghost’s brother the Beast will allow you to BUY ghost….seriously, he’d let you hog-tie him and steal him for that matter.

(You want to tie him up…drag him off to some secret location and torture him…sounds good to me. —The Beast)

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6) Ghost is a smart, funny, all-around great guy… Good looking enough to keep you interested…not too good looking where you might be worried that he might stray.  Loved by everyone…well, almost…excluding a couple of former flames…but one previously married to Ghost is even coming around.

No worries about him running off with a younger co-starlet…<cough, Ryan D-bag Reynolds, cough-cough>.

Seriously…why was everyone so pissed at Brad Pitt for running off with Angelina, but where was the outrage for Scarlett?  Bullsh*t, if you ask me.

(Why is this one a homewrecker?……….But this one isn’t?)

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5)  Ghost is family material. He has kids.  You don’t have to worry about having a Nicole Kidman happen to you.  When a very successful and beautiful actress  marries a much less successful guy, he leaves her to have kids with a younger woman.  Never happening here. Plus….if you want kids..Ghost is a proven commodity.  Great looking, high spirited and intelligent offspring.  Great Breeder!

(Sorry babe….I gotta find someone more my talent level…plus she doesn’t think my Science pseudo-religion is quackery!)

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4)  When Ghost gets his own movie….Scarlett can play herself!  The opportunity to write her own part!  Just saying…wanna get even with an ex?  I’m all for creative detail editing.  (See point #6.)

(Deny it, you prick!  We dare you!!!!)

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3)  Ghost is a celebrity too.  He knows literally thousands of people…has his own Facespace page with almost three dozen ‘Like’s'….he would totally fit in with all of your famous friends. Hell, this past year, he met Wes from Puddle of Mudd (Although, Wes appeared quite out of it…and probably doesn’t remember it) and talked his way onto the Adelita’s Way tour bus to get his then girlfriend’s CD case autographed by everyone in the band.  (What’s up Rob and Rick?  Definitely gonna catch you guys again this year! This time, I’ll plan ahead and get the day off and we’ll totally get that pizza and party. Not name dropping or anything…

(Don’t think this cat could remember his name when I met him….)

********************************************************************

2) It’s all in the stars… Ghost and Scarlett’s zodiac signs are very compatible. Check this crap out: http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/compatibility/love/?sign1=aquarius&sign2=sagittarius

A couple of highlights: “When Sagittarius and Aquarius join together in a love match, Aquarian ideals and Sagittarian knowledge combine to make them a creative and unique couple. This partnership is uninhibited, and while it can get competitive with these two, there’s never a dull moment! Underneath any romantic overtone, there exists a great friendship; their Signs are two apart and this tends to give them an ability to communicate well as well as an excellent rapport. Both are idealistic and excited about life, and together they enjoy great times. Together, the two can fly without fear of falling.”

“They are both loyal and devoted to one another, and they can get past a lot together.”

“What’s the best aspect of the Sagittarius-Aquarius relationship? It’s their ability to resolve difficult issues when they put their hearts in the matter. Mutable Fire and Fixed Air cover all the bases: These partners can stick with an idea once it’s firmly implanted. Their formidable combination makes theirs a relationship of outward motion as well as inward depth.”

Doesn’t that sound like some destiny/fate/fairy-tale stuff?…..Who wouldn’t want to take a shot at that?

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1) Ghost is single.  Strike while the window is still open…past history suggests that there are many women at work…even at this very moment…to get Ghost off the single’s market A.S.A.P….

Carpe Diem, Scarlett….Carpe Diem…

Just saying…Ghost is one of a kind…

(Some of these chicks are kinda crazy….Please save me from them….Please????)

(The Storm Troopers can only keep them away for so long.)

Ghost out…

The worst time of the year is upon us……

Howdy Ghost fans…

My posts have been a little underwhelming the last few days…a fellow blogger asked if I would be interested in writing a guest blog piece for her…I was honored and reworked a two parter to be posted this week here, to be featured on her blog.  Stay tuned….

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Dark Side: Yeah…she just wanted someone to fill her blog spot for the day, so she could hit the town and Kat about with whatever man happened to promise to rub her the right way….

Prodigy: That may be true, but it is quite an honor to be featured on her page as she pulls about three times as many daily readers….plus then our blog will hang out on her homepage for awhile and continue to pull in new hits for us.

The Knight: He’s just pissy because she has more men lining up for her, then he has women falling about us.

Pathos:  That is just sad that you can’t be happy for another person’s good fortune.  You really need to do some self-examination Dark Side, and….

Dark Side: Shut your mouth, you whiny little emotional sap!  Go back to your love sonnets and dreaming of your fairy-tale princess wedding, pansy.

<Pathos running off sobbing…>

Prodigy: You know that he’s just going to wait til you get hammered next and pass out, and then write ‘Big Meanie” on your forehead in permanent marker, right?

Dark Side: Smary Pants….did you just make a funny?

The Knight:  That was actually pretty good…

Prodigy: Simple math.  He has been hurt, so he would most likely seek retribution.  Since he is non-violent, and enjoys his words so much, that is likely the method that he would use to settle the score.  Lacking the true evil ability to dig down and come up with something really hateful to say, without Dark Side’s help, the insult would inevitably wind up being simple and nearly impotent…Therefore, I went with “Big Meanie” because it’s something that sounds like he would use when he’s upset, but would be completely worthless at actually insulting Dark Side….given that Dark Side wears his helmet nearly all of the time anyway, it would render the effort even more pitiful as no one would see it.

Dark Side: You aren’t allowed to talk around women, EVER again.  You made a funny, which was good….but THAT explanation….would have killed any mojo we had working towards getting her into bed.

The Knight:  Reluctantly…..It kills me to admit that I have to agree with Dark Side on this matter….that was brilliant, Prodigy…it really was…but the ladies usually don’t like such technical detail breakdown in your thought processes.

Prodigy: Piss off.  Next time you two are trying to chat up an intelligent woman, like a doctor or lawyer, or really any professional woman with a vocabulary that includes any words with 5 syllables or more….I’ll let you pricks sink.

******************************************

Sometimes, I have to shake my head back and forth to get those guys to settle down and get back on track.  As you know, the Ghost has been out on some “dates”.  He’s been kicking it with the LDoC the past couple of weekends as well.  I’ve decided that the less you know about our dates….the  more likely it is that I keep getting them.  So, you’ll remain in the dark about those.  My kids rock.  They have been killing me.  The little one eats french fries in small nibbles, off to the side of his mouth and says, “What’s up, doc?” after every bite like Bugs Bunny.  It’s cute for the first four or five times he does it….after that…you want to strangle the little sh*t.  The little girl refers to the freckles on her cheeks and nose as her little friends.  The 9 year old stole my damn green St. Pat’s Cardinals baseball cap…But, I can find comfort in the fact that the Succubus is a die-hard Cubs fan…and this affront will have to be tolerated in her home til hell freezes over…because DADDY’S favorite cap is now untouchable.  Mwuhuhahahaha!!!!  The little two immediately demanded their own……So next time I see them, a little Cardinal cap and a pink cap are going to have to materialize.  Never mess with the Ghost….I plays for keeps! 

Work is work.  I’m grateful for the position.  The pay is decent.  The work isn’t hard.  But, I’m wasting a ton of talent….Patience is not my strong suit.  Getting an interview is very difficult inside the company, and I’m contemplating looking elsewhere.  I work for a very big company…there is a lot of opportunity…but nothing happens fast here….ever.

I sat through this career development workshop, where they basically have their office flunkie read you a canned powerpoint presentation, word for word.  Talk centered around setting goals, and realistically evaluating your skills and training, and then developing an action plan based around your personal life…What social activities and such that are important to you…..

Money.  That’s why I work.  Tell me about the opportunities that are projected to open up over the next three to five years…tell me what types of training/education that I might need to obtain to acquire one of these positions.  My social life will fall in around my work.  No job…no social life.  No job…kids don’t eat or get clothes.  Quit telling me how to set priorities in my life.  Read my resume, talk to my supervisors, check my attendance and job performance….then get my info in front of someone who can help me get somewhere.  THAT’S what I’m asking for!

Sigh….Deep breaths….

Which brings me to the point of this blog…I wasted a beautiful afternoon sitting in a windowless conference room for this.  Time is running out on me.  The world’s crappiest winter on record.  Almost no snow. ….and an early Spring has my allergies in full blown snot river mode.  Birds are chirping and waking my ass up, shortly after I get to sleep.  Which means that sunshine and summer is right around the corner….. so long 60 and overcast…..that horrible sun will be here soon and we’ll be 90′s with 80+% humidity…..I guess I’ll just set my sights on September and the return of cooler temps.

You’ll have your time…you evil yellow orb of doom….but cooler temps will return…..they will…..

Stay tuned for St. Pat’s details and pics this weekend.  Should be interesting…just got confirmation that Dirk will be in town, and that Vlad has just started on second shift himself…….might be getting in trouble with that guy this summer….after the sun goes down of course…

Call it a day….enjoy this weather…the heat is coming….

Ghost has warned you….

Ghost out…