7.2.2012….DarkSide’s Take on Mondays…

What’s up, hookers?

DarkSide here.  Tired.  Hot…DAMN is it hot!!!

(That one’s for you, Subzero! HOT DAMN!!!)

Anyway, Mondays…Ghost you suck…seriously?  Why am I getting a writing assignment?  You want me to write about Mondays, here goes:

This particular Monday sucks because:
1) DarkSide can’t remember the last time we got drunk/nekkid and caused trouble.
     +          =    

                   Broads                                                                         Booze                                                             Pleased DarkSide

I’m not sure what conspiracy that the Knight and Pathos are cooking up, but keeping Ghost away from the Ladies and Liquor is killing us!!!!  Just go out and be a “little bad”….Please? Don’t make me MindTrick Prodigy and get Everto on board to go out hunting down rebel “spies” to “interrogate”.
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2) New job the past two weeks.  What really sucks is that I’ve been bouncing between shifts, and will make a second to first to third swing over about 4 weeks….I’m taking a lot of naps…however…being able to get into the office for extended periods and OUT of the damn heat is mighty fine!  Working on the Death Star can be rough, but being able to get away from the heat from the reactors makes the day go much faster.

(Many offices in the Death Star have amazing views…just be careful to not fall out the window!)

(I was, uhh…just checking the construction progress and craftsmanship…uhmmm…..)
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3)  Did I mention it was f*cking hot???
I need to get to the pool!!!!

(This would work!)

(Not initially what I had in mind, but hey….this would work just fine too!)
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4)  Entirely f*cking sick of politcal commercials and the endless nonsense on FaceSpace….
Bottom line…Republicans AND Democrats are the problem.  They both sell us out…just to different special interests.  Is Healthcare for everyone a good idea?  Of course.  But here in the good ole U. S. of A….we’re f*cking broke!  We have failing public schools, our elderly who depend on Medicare and Social Security are looking at floundering government programs, so now we’re trying to start up ANOTHER ONE????  One that adds not a single nurse, doctor, etc…but adds a reported 16,000 I.R.S. agents?

Ok, Obamacrats…tell me what flavor Kool-aid I have to drink for THAT to make sense?

(The Empire health plan is MUCH better…we just clone more troops…no healthcare necessary!)
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5) The White Knight snores, Everto mutters to himself all hours of the day, Prodigy leaves notebooks, pens, and science crap everywhere, and Pathos has been skipping around composing some love poetry or some nonsense all day…Why can’t a dictator get some good old fashioned debauchery accomplished in peace?

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There, suck it, Ghost.  Just so you know…I am beginning to plan a coup to restore the DarkSide Agenda…there have been far too few questionable decisions made on booze lately!!!  The people demand satisfaction…well, DarkSide does anyway…and that’s what matters!!!

Later, Hookers.
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Ghost out…

Ghost Radio…Summertime edition…

What’s happening, Ghostfans?

DJ DarkSide here, hitting you with some of Ghost’s favorite summer jams…
Don’t know about y’all, but it’s been pretty damn hot here, and all I can think about is chilling poolside with an adult beverage and looking at the bikinis….anyone else?

(Yes, yes, and Hell Yes!!!!  That last one is an oldie, but that’s what a real woman should look like.  No ribs visible…you get that, you skinny little skeleton b*tches?)

Song number one goes back a little bit for me…a back in high school jam, but a classic if you ask this Ghost:

Riding around in your Jeep or your Benzos….nope…just the Jeep for this Ghost.     ;-)
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The next one flashes forward a bit and I remember hitting pretty big when I was in college:

Never been a part of Summertime in the LBC, but Snoop Highly recommends it!
                                                     
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Now, if you’ve been following Ghost at all, you know that he listens to a lot of different music…but Country is his least favorite…seriously, Ghost used to write 20 page papers in college listening to Tchaichovsky and The NutCracker Suite…so, Country is really down there a bit…but this next guy is angling to be this generation’s Jimmy Buffet….if there isn’t a Kenny Themed Island resort in the next decade, I’d be surprised.

But anyway, here you go, some Country music from the Ghost…love that Yoohoo in the glass bottle..to my friends going on float trip next month, this one’s for you!

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Shifting back to my high school days, I think one of the reasons that rap music used to be a lot better is because of things like this video.  These guys came from neighborhoods that I could recognize.  These are places that “real” people might live.  Rap today is all about whips and cribs and cash….stupid amounts of cash.  I understand being pissed off that your neighborhood seems like a black hole that you aren’t ever going to escape.  I understand that rage and anger, and the party in this video…where the entire fridge is filled with 40′s…yeah, been places like that…Never seen a bottle of Cristal.  So here you go…..A little Dre to brighten your day:

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Wrapping us up, we’re digging back a bit.  This cat left his rock group and definitely didn’t do much afterwards.  This remake is one of about three tolerable songs during his solo period.  Now, Ghost doesn’t play favorites….but his favorite girls have always been Midwest/Mountain State girls…Ghost’ll have to get out to the coasts a bit more before he renders a verdict, but this song definitely picks a favorite place to pick up chicks:
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Well, y’all.  Enjoy your summer, cause pretty soon you know you’ll be b*tching about scraping windows and the white stuff.

      +           =    

Ghost out…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Now Accepting Applications….

Howdy Ghostfans…

Summer…hot…sun…humid…F*ck that.

Alright…Summer isn’t all that bad…It would be a lot better if I worked at a resort in Maui, instead of a place like this:

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It also happens to be the desert in between Ghost’s two favorite events…there are two big holidays on Ghost’s calendar:

St. Ghost’s Day (a.k.a. St. Pat’s) and Halloween

      AND     

How can you go wrong on either of these great days?

Anyway….

Ghost wanted to do THIS costume last year BAD!!!!!

The girlfriend at the time runs with a group of girls that call themselves “The Kittens”, but she absolutely refused to go as Catwoman.  WTF, right?!?

Well, ladies.  Ghost is single and accepting applications for his Catwoman this year.  If you think you’ve got the figure and ‘Cat-itude’…hit me up.

I’d also consider doing this one:

Now that I’m thinking about it…Joker and Harley would be pretty damn cool too!

Given the new Harley Quinn’s revenge DLC for the game that just dropped, what do you think about this:

Batman and Harley?  Any thoughts???

Only Hot, Nerdy chicks need apply…If you can’t tell me the “Contra” code without Googling it…forget it.

If your favorite Star Wars movie isn’t nearly 30-35 years old, if you don’t know how to get extra lives on the original Super Mario Brothers game, or if you’re only into Just Dance on the Wii…just save us both some time.

Ghost out…
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Follow more Ghost insanity on Facespace at www.facebook.com/TheGhostLife

Twitzone is @TheGhostLife

Email my crazy ass at irish.ghost28@gmail.com

PS3 is Irish_Ghost28

You Know She Is Crazy But Just When You Think You Hit The Bottom Of Her Craziness, You Discover There's A Crazy Underground Garage

Reblogged from snarkysnatch:

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My ex-beau says I'm crazy. But with all due respect, I'm not the one who dated me.  Fine.  Whatever.  You call it crazy, I call it channeling my creative side with a dash of being emotionally challenged.   So what, I'm not the first girl who had a guy walk away from dating her thinking he hit the bottom level of her craziness, only to discover there was an underground garage of crazy below. 

Read more… 2,178 more words

Howdy Ghost fans... No blogs all week as Ghost deals with the unexpected of the Spectre on his doorstep...you can bet there will be some new material soon, but all of a sudden getting a near 15 year old tossed at you every day has caused some unrest for the Ghost man. Anyway, Guest blogger Friday gives you Kat SnarkySnatch. She's crazy, but we love her. Her spin on women and their dating bullsh*t. Enjoy, and have a great Memorial Day weekend...if you aren't in the States...thanks for reading me, and I'll get the keyboard out and abuse it again real soon. Ghost out...

Smokin’ In The Boys Room…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Random midweek sh*t falling out of my head today…

Decided to give each one of the five voices running around up between my ears a chance to sound off today….I’ll make them do a quick introduction so you new peeps can know what the hell is going on…

(Did he just say he has ‘voices’ inside his head?)

Yep…doesn’t everyone?  No?  Huh…don’t you get lonely then?  Sometimes I have to to work at getting them to shut up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world….plus I can’t….I’ve tried…those bastards won’t get out!

Anyway, let’s get this started…first up…Dark Side.

Yeah…I ain’t doin’ introductions.  I kick ass, find awesome stuff to do, and try to keep the other retreads from talking too much when women are around.  The character of Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” was modeled after me….true story.

Check it, hookers!

It’s true.  You aren’t wanted.  That guy or girl that NEVER returns texts, calls or voicemails….yeah….they want you to run away.  Plus, if you’re awesome…like me…they don’t deserve a second thought…piss on them. 

I’m bored…and out.  Dark Side rules!

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Next up, Pathos…

Hey there, I’m Pathos.  I’m the passion and drive.  The hope and the light in this strange condo of craziness here in Ghost’s head.  The poet…the writer…the dreamer…

(Shut up already, and get on with it before you make us start ovulating, sock monkey!)

Dark Side is just so emotionally stunted sometimes.

Anyway, Ghost applied for a really great position inside of Giganticorp, and actually got an email back from the hiring manager saying that he has to wait until the closing date of the posting to review credentials and set interviews, but that he liked Ghost’s info.  We got our hopes up for this one!

Also, we found out that we’ll be moving to that lab job for sure on 3rd shift on June 18th!  Hello, Air Conditioning. Goodbye, sweaty, smelly, weirdly hazy factory floor!

Have had a few ladies chatting with us recently…

(They’re hollering at us, cause we’re dead sexy, and they want some Dark Side ‘forces’ applied to that ass!)

You’re such a cretin, Dark Side.  They’re interested in more than our ‘lightsaber’ skills, you wretch.

Anyway, in closing, Ghost has been struggling with this Myastenia Gravis pretty significantly.  Been hard to do much, other than get up, go to work, and sleep.  Ghost has been playing a lot of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 and watching Netflix. 

(Yeah, that bastard has gotten pretty good with that sniper rifle, and now that he unlocked that Thermal Scope, it just ain’t fair…my Force abilities and Nerdboy’s logic/strategery, and we be smoking some fools!!!)

(We seeeeeee you!  Sit your ass down, like our boy Subzero’s been telling you!!!)

You had your turn!  Stop interrupting me!!!!

Jackass!!! 

That’s about all I had.  Thanks for taking the time to read us.  We appreciate it.

(Fricking pansy!)

Sigh….

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This next guy is difficult to deal with…his name is Everto.  He represents the depressed, self loathing, self desctructive parts of Ghost….his inner demon…if you will.  Those parts damaged by the teasing and bullying as a child…the parts that never will believe they deserve anything good in life.  Most of the time….he just asks negatively charged questions….sort of mutters to himself.

(Yeah…Everto is a bit scarier than Peter Parker in a Black Spidey Suit.)

(Any Supernatural fans out there? Scary like this guy.)

Ever wonder if that part of you that’s capable of love can be broken…not like damaged and repaired, but destroyed?  Rendered useless.  Never get that ‘butterfly’ feeling in your stomach ever again? 

Ever lose control of yourself..not like your temper, but have your body stop responding to basic commands?  Every worry, every time you have a weird ache/pain/muscle spasm if you’re slowly crawling your way towards a wheel chair…or a coffin? Ever have trouble talking or swallowing…and worry that you’re not going to be anything but a vegetable…sitting in a corner in your own waste…just drooling on yourself…unable to do anything…but secretly be mentally sharp, and trapped inside of a body that doesn’t work…the most horrible prison ever imagined.

Don’t think I didn’t notice, Ghost.  When you swallow…that stuff…accidentally going down the wrong pipe…yeah…that HAS been happening a little more often hasn’t it?  Been sleeping an awful lot.  Not hearing the phone ring…sleeping through alarms…those muscle spasms in your left tricep and forearm that were actually moving the whole arm…not quite as cute as the weepy right eye or the hand tremors while you’re playing Call of Duty are they?

Harder to laugh that sh*t off, isn’t it?

How about those migraines?  You’re not supposed to be taking pain pills daily for them.  That double vision and the accompanying headaches are a b*tch aren’t they?  What are you going to do when you can’t bring your eyes to focus on that computer screen, huh?

Not like you can go back out in the shop and swing that sledge hammer now, can ya?

(The Knight says you’ve had enough time, demon.  You’re finished.)

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Next up, our resident nerd…Prodigy…the guy who started naming off all of the men who’ve played Batman in movies…who’s currently researching grad school programs and chasing his damn tail around his lab trying to come up with some conclusions.

(Dammit, Dark Side!  What happened to Prodigy’s picture?)

(***Side note explanation for Ghost’s mum… GTFO is short for Get The F*ck Out.)

“This entry cannot be completed as assigned, due to the constantly shifting variables concerning our future, and the difficulty in plotting a course when your destination is unknown and perpetually in motion.”

My apologies for the inconvenience this may have caused.

—Prodigy

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Bringing us home is the White Knight…Ghost’s resident defense mechanism and moral compass.  He works to keep us from straying too far from the course…avoid traps…in general…he’s our internal boy scout.

Gentlemen…seriously…we need to come up with a plan and execute here. 

We do not have a single area of our life under control, nor a plan for coping with the current issues at hand.

Dark Side…quit chasing women…put down the whiskey bottle, and get over here.

Pathos…(snap, snap)….get your heads out of the clouds and stop daydreaming…

Prodigy…Get out of the lab, put down the laptop…stop pacing, get over here and sit down.

Everto….get lost…we got this…if we need a tie breaking vote, we’ll toss a damn coin.

The rest of you…get the hell out of Ghost’s head…we got sh*t to do!

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Hope your Hump Day is Happy! 

(Dammit Dark Side!..Oh, screw it.)

Ghost out…

Ghost dating thoughts…

Howdy Ghost fans…

So, as y’all know…been single since New Years.  Been out on some dates…tried the online dating thing…

 

(Yeah…Ghost ain’t wearing no jacket, nor sipping wine on a date….whiskey on the rocks or Guinness, please!)

 Started noticing some things, and upon huddling up with some of my boys, I think I have some pearls of wisdom to share…or something like that.

Item number one: WE GET IT….YOU’VE HAD CHILDREN!!!

Seriously ladies…I know that I’ve covered this previously. But, damn.  Enough already.

No need to put “Mommy of 5″ or “TraesMommy” in your online profile name.

No need to tell us that they’re your number one priority…if you’re a sh*tty mom…we’ll figure it out…if you’re a good one…we’ll come to that conclusion as well.

(This MG is pissing me off today…both hands, curling up, only 100 words in…Grrr….)

Anyway, back to the point.  Who the f*ck are YOU?  What do you like?  Honestly, I can do the first five minutes of the movie Cars, and parts of G-Force by heart…but that isn’t going to get me a second…or even a first date for that matter.

Enough already.  Stop the madness…cause in a maximum of 15-18 years…your kids will be grown, and who will that leave?  THAT’S who will get a date….or in some cases..won’t.

(NOT…a good online dating profile pic….EVER…just saying…)

Ever heard the expression, “Get a life.” Seriously…figure out something that you like to do.  You have to have a personality aside from mommy.

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Item number two: Be Aggressive, Be, Be Aggressive!!!

I particularly see women in the 29-42 year old range missing the boat here. 

Ladies, it’s a different world out there now.  You have to adapt…evolve, so to speak…or you’re going to be lonely….real damn lonely.

If you haven’t snagged a man by 30, it’s time to get off your ass and make it happen.  Men are taught from a very young age to hunt and pursue…which is fine…when you’re 24.  But now….there are far fewer men hunting.

(Ghost, a REAL man would pursue me, because I have a lot to offer, and I don’t want some wimpy guy that I have to chase.)

Well, my dear….that’s the kind of thinking that will have your dates ending with a receipt from WalMart for batteries for your Nightstand Boyfriend.

(Congratulations!  You’re still single!!!!  Mom….UrbanDictionary.com the phrase Battery Operated Boyfriend…I’m not explaining this one.)

Men are hunters.  The ones who picked off good women in their early/mid twenties, are off the market.  The young 22-26 year old males…are busy picking off the single, young, childless, 22-26 year old women.  They’re gone.  Men who are older than 26, are statistically more likely to have been married, or have kids.  Some are off the market because they ARE married.  So your new target group is men over 26, divorced/with kids or never married/with kids….(the guys up to about age 35 without kids…are still getting under 26 ladies action…)

Your problem…Men over 26 have matured…and they don’t NEED to hunt…when the fish jump in the boat, or the deer line up at their back door…there’ s no need to chase…you just sort and select.

Yes, really.  It does happen.  These guys don’t put up with bullsh*t, and they know that they’re in demand.  THEY get to pick and choose now….don’t believe me, hit your Facespace page.  Look at your newsfeed.

Count the number of women who are saying this:

“Guys suck”, “I want a REAL man”, “Why are there nothing but assholes out there”

Then, count the number of women saying this:

“How does a girl choose? So many wonderful men have been asking me out!”

I’ll wait…..you’ll be counting for days on that first one. Bahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Where have all the good ones gone, you ask?  Easy…they’re busy sorting through all of the texts, Facespace messages and online dating emails to try to figure out which of the dozens of chicks messaging him ISN’T CRAZY.

(Ghost, you’re full of it.)

Bet me and lose.

(Ari sez: Look woman…I can get you a role as the Grandma, but seriously….you’re so old, you can’t even play the hot mom now….I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is…these young b*tches are competetive!)

Your problem is two-fold.

One, the 22-26 year old males aren’t looking up at you….so fewer guys.

Two, the 22-26 year old FEMALES ARE LOOKING UP at the men.

Especially the ones with kids. 

Everyone knows that men are “immature”. So the natural conclusion is to look at men a little older…ones who’ve had a chance to settle into a career, or who have rebounded from a layoff or downturn in the economy with their education/experience.  If they’re older, they’ve certainly got to be better than men their own age for these young girls, right?

Well, these young girls….aren’t waiting for a man.  They’re going out to find one.  So, you may very well be a beautiful lioness….but these wildcats are going to back your king of the jungle.

(You saw what happened to Ursula….that young chick got the man…..So did, Cinderella….and Snow White….and every other fairy tale princess…..If you’re getting older….you had better be nice, persistent and hot doesn’t hurt.)

More competition for your age bracket of man + a smaller supply means you’re going to have to fight for it.

(Yeah…kind of like that….unless you like dating the dumbass rejects who are better left out of the mating gene pool collective….)

(Yeah…like this guy….No effort, will totally land you this guy!)

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Item number three: Ladies, sometimes it ISN’T too good to be true…but sometimes it is.

(Okay, Ghost….what in the blue hell are you talking about?)

Let me explain:

If you meet a guy, and he seems like Prince Charming, the first thing that goes through your head is:

“Where’s the catch?” or “How long can he keep this act up?”

It’s only natural to doubt.  Here’s the problem:

The nice guys won’t wait around for ever.  The ones faking it, will slip up.

So if you meet a nice guy, don’t be afraid.  Just proceed with caution.  Spend time with him, talk to him.  A nice guy will stick around as long as things are moving forward.  A dog..will eventually try to push the pace.  Occasionally you’ll meet a player who’ll work you for a really long time.  They typically will have long breaks in their contact with you, and/or have “jobs” that make them work long hours or force them to travel.

A few of my very good friends….great guys….very eligible, good jobs, no drugs, nice houses, very stable…get frustrated as hell with women.  They ask them out, and get put off, and put off, or stood up….sometimes with good and valid reasons.  Eventually, they’ll delete your number and forget you exist.  While you’re busy trying to devise a scheme to “test” whether he’s really a nice guy or not, several other women are contacting him regularly….one of those girls….is going to end up with this guy.

Basically, if you find a guy who seems nice….you better get on it.  Just proceed slowly.  Don’t go moving in, or moving to live with him or any of that other whirlwind romantical crap.

Quit asking for a Real Man/Nice Guy, and then treat him like crap.  He’ll move on.

(While you’re busy thinking, ‘Is he for real?’, that other woman is thinking, ‘Should I wait to blow him until the second date? I’m not letting him get away!!!)

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Finally, QUIT F*CKING BITCHING ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE MEN ARE.

It will infect your thoughts, and affect your actions.

Get over the last boyfriend/husband/booty call, whatever, and get a clean slate.  If you hang onto that old hurt, it will stand in between you and a new guy.

Your social circle, isn’t that big.  I promise.  You bitch in front of one guy, I guarantee, that his buddy hears about it.  You post that crap on Facespace….and every eligible guy in your immediate area will shift you into the “Don’t bother” category.

 

(GOD, MEN SUCK!!!!! WHY CAN’T I GET A DATE?!?!?!?!?!?!)

That’s about all I got…my damn forearms are even tired now.  (Piss off MG!!!! Piss right the hell off!!!!)

Ladies.  Take off the mommy uniform….it’s okay.  Be assertive and to the point, if you like a guy, f*cking tell him. He’ll appreciate it…trust me.  And quit bitching about US.  We hear you…and we’re pretty sure you’re talking about all of us.  Even if you’re really only bitching about the retards that you decide to date…because you’re an idiot….or just that you’ve got a thing for bad boys….which is dumb…because…

Just like you should never try to make a ‘ho’ into a housewife…..a bad boy ain’t reforming for any girl….except his daughter.  Write that sh*t down.

(Some don’t even change for their daughters….)

Ghost out…

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Catch up with more Ghost on Twitter @TheGhostLife

www.facebook/theghostlife

and email Ghost at Irish.Ghost28@Gmail.com

Have you ever…the Dark Side edition…

What’s up, b*tches?

Dark Side here…stealing back the keyboard from the crybaby…I figured we needed to redeem our manhood with a little Dark Side spin on yesterday’s emotional twaddle…so here goes:

Have you ever told someone to ‘Go f*ck themselves’ via text and then forgot that you did…because they matter that little?

Have you ever used the Force to toss a Stormtrooper out the window…just cause you could?

Have you ever looked someone in the eye…knew they were into you..and smirked..cause you knew, that they knew…that you ‘had’ them?

Have you ever bought a girl a drink…and stole it right back minutes later? (What up, Leathernutz?)

Have you ever rocked someone’s world…but then couldn’t tell anyone…because they were an exes’ best friend/sister/cousin/acquaintance?

Have you ever flirted with someone…who was WAY out of your damn league…but got their number anyway?

Ever wanted to just smack someone for saying something dumb?

Ever actually done it?

Ever thought that someone was the dumbest person ever….but then heard them say something else that confirmed it?

Ever throw your boss off a balcony to their death?

Ever told someone that you weren’t wanting to date seriously, but have them beg you to come over to have sex with them?

Ever go?

Ever tried to list the people that you’ve had sex with and called somebody, ‘That brunette..at that bar’?

Ever write a blog about the crazy crap that’s happened to you?

Ever told the God’s honest truth…and still have people doubt you…and then have that really hot chick you hooked up with confirm the story in front of your crew?

Ever honestly told your boys that you didn’t do anything with a girl…and have them not believe you?

Ever have an exes’ new person consistently swear they were still sleeping with you?

Ever had to have a conversation with your 14 year old about ‘manscaping’? (DON’T USE THE LIGHTSABER, LD!!!)

Ever have a girl tell you that she wants to have your babies…in the middle of sex…so you get up and leave?

Ever wonder how dumb the average human being actually is?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

Dark Side rules!!!

Ghost out…

Have you ever…

So, we’re letting the whiny one have the keyboard for a minute here…Please don’t embarrass us….

Have you ever….

Haver you ever missed someone that you just met? Someone you’ve never met?

Have you ever sat tortured by your cell phone….agonizing over it’s silence…disappointed when the spam email or text from the ‘wrong’ person pops up?

Forced yourself through your day…setting time spans…in between those psychotic trips to check your phone for a text or missed call?

Had that moment where everything that other person says…is exactly what you wanted them to say?

Found an old ticket stub or credit card receipt from a date that was weeks or months ago….and smiled?

Started texting ANYONE AND EVERYONE in your address book…just trying to take your mind off someone?

Taken a nap to try to get someone off your mind…only to dream about them?

Have you ever been stood up?

Gotten your hopes up and built someone up so much in your head, and then you actually go out on a date with them…and realize you’re not really feeling it?

Have you ever made a list of attributes that the ‘perfect’ person would have….and then meet someone that has them?

Have you ever watched someone go out with someone else…because you were too afraid to ask them out yourself?

Have you ever just walked up to someone, told them how amazing their eyes/smile/look was…and then walked away?

Have you ever wanted to throw up or die….instead of walking the 15 feet across a room to say hello to someone who caught your eye?

Have you ever stayed in a relationship…while secretly wishing you’d have had the guts to end it and chase after someone else?

Have you ever sat alone…at home…on a Friday/Saturday night…and just f*cking enjoyed the silence?

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “Wow…I’d really like to date someone like that…”…but decide they’d probably just be too much work/drama/maintenance?

Have you ever woken up next to someone in bed and thought, “F*ck….why am I here?”…..Again?

Have you ever let someone go…and been happy for them when they ended up with someone else….who actually made them happy?

Have you ever wondered if you were actually MEANT to be alone…for  now?….forever?

Have you ever been happy just being single, but then….meet someone…who you can’t get out of your head?

Have you ever brushed hands with someone and felt a spark?

Have you ever gotten butterflies just walking next to someone?

Have you ever listened to someone b*tch about their significant other….while you secretly wished they were with you?

Have you ever ignored an advance of a friend…because you were afraid to risk a friendship for love?

Have you ever wasted an entire lunch break trying to write a text to someone…only to change your mind and not send it?

Have you ever been blown off?

Have you ever risked embarassment to tell someone exactly how you felt about them?

Ever do that and have it end terribly?

Ever wish you could turn feelings off forever and just have sex with someone…anyone?

Ever wished you could just catch one more hour with someone you’re no longer with?

Ever wonder what might have been…if you hadn’t done that thing…or gotten so upset about that one stupid thing someone did to you that one time?

Ever just wish you could turn your damn brain off?

Have you ever been strung along?

Ever been used?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Lied to?

Have you ever been walked away from?

Ignored….like you didn’t even exist…by someone who used to claim to love you?

Have you ever dated someone, but secretly wished you were with their best friend?

Have you ever just wanted to f*cking scream?

Have you ever fell in love at first sight?

Have you ever gotten excited because someone remembered your name?

Have you ever had someone run up to you excited to see you…and have no f*cking clue who they were?

Ever meet someone’s parent…later in life..and have them tell you all about how much their kid talked about you in high school…and realize you had no idea who they were?

Ever wish that one person…in school, who you ignored/teased…you would have just taken a risk and asked out….to hell with what your friends would have said?

Ever wonder what the f*ck is wrong with you, when you seem to have a ton of good friends and people who care about you, but you’re still f*cking single?

Have you ever given up?

Have you ever heard a song….and thought of someone and cried?

Ever heard a song, turned that f*cker up, and scream the lyrics in the car as loud as you could…cause you were finally free?

Have you ever rolled over in bed and reached for someone who wasn’t there?  And never was going to be again?

Have you ever woke up afraid…and have someone there to cuddle up with to make it better?

Have you ever wished you were deaf to escape incessant b*tching?

Have you ever thrown something at someone?

Ever had to duck dishes being chucked at your head?

Have you ever been sitting in the middle of a giant pile of ‘Everything is F*cked’…and thought…’I'll get through this’?

~~~Pathos

For the Ghost….We’re out…

Guest blogger Friday! April 20, 2012 edition

What’s up, f*ckers? (Channeling my Steve Stiffler from the American Pie movies.)

Hey Cub fans…here’s what you have to  brag about at this very moment:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
St. Louis	9	4	.692	-	4-2	5-2	73	42	+31	Lost 1	7-3	73.9
Milwaukee	6	7	.462	3	3-3	3-4	54	67	-13	Lost 1	5-5	39.7
Pittsburgh	5	7	.417	3.5	2-1	3-6	26	35	-9	Won 2	4-6	7.4
Cincinnati	5	8	.385	4	3-3	2-5	39	56	-17	Won 1	3-7	14.2
Houston	4	8	.333	4.5	3-3	1-5	46	49	-3	Lost 4	3-7	6.1
Chicago Cubs	3	10	.231	6	2-5	1-5	46	67	-21	Lost 5	2-8	8.9

Yep…Didn’t even make it to May and your asses are in the basement…Bahahahahahaha!!!!!

Where did you all go?  You were so vocal about the ring presentation in St. Louis. 

Crickets…..crickets….

Oh well…as you know, Ghost takes Friday’s off to play video games and chase women…or run from women chasing him…however it’s working that day…

Anyway, here’s a woman’s take on strip clubs…given that I used to date a “dancer”, I found this take remarkably uncontroversial…and at the same time…humanized the “strippers”.  Having spent time with “dancers” while they’re not at work…I can attest…some of them actually are quite interesting people.

Without further ado…I give you 21st Century and her take on strip clubs:

http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/6-things-you-dont-know-about-strip-clubs/

Have fun this weekend b*tches!

Ghost has been invited to work security for roller derby, go to beerfest, and has a couple of ladies trying to catch the Ghost for what he can only assume is branding and then getting locked in a corral.  Oh yeah..and then he’s working Sunday again.

Should be some interesting stories this weekend anyway.

Ghost out…