A Prayer for the Afflicted…

Dear Heavenly Father…

I know that you’re busy, so when you get a chance…
Upon Ghost’s dating life, coud you please take a glance?
I’m not quite sure that I’ll ever know why,
But crazy and unbalanced women are all I can find.

(Yep, this one is fine specimen of Ghost’s chick magnet results!)

Now, that is not entirely true…
Intelligent and sane, I’ve met a few.
But maybe you could, break it down because I’m kinda lame…
Could you tell me why I’m only attracted, to the criminally insane?

(FACT!!!)

Zoloft and Paxil, Welbutrin and Effexor…
I guess I should be grateful they aren’t coming standard with HIV and cold sores.
The wrapping paper is so shiny, the first glance, it’s so nice…
But inside, fire-breathing dragons or demons with talons of ice.

(Yeah, just torture Ghost…it does wonders for your mood swings!!!)

Why don’t I get butterflies with women who are stable?
Intelligent convo, and taking care of themselves, they would be able.
One swith degrees, a career…a 401K…
Instead of drama and issues, that go on all day.

(And a GINGER to boot!!!!)

I’ve tried being patient, I’m working to follow the rules…
But you know they just don’t teach this stuff in any kind of school.
You and I, Sir, we’ve got a bone to pick…
Some of the nuttiest loons can be found in churches on Sundays…thick.

(Not what I meant…)

So where does one go, to find a fine lass?
With a sense of humor, and brains and an amazing aaa…
Personality! That’s what I was going to say!
I’m just tired of looking…sick of the wait.

If I’m just supposed to go it alone,
Just email me, or please just write me a note.
I’m finding plenty of okay, a great deal of just fine…
But I’m wanting amazing, dare I say…devine.

(Not quite what I meant…but she does have angel wings…)

I know I can’t be alone, I hear plenty whine.
About finding a quality mate…could you throw a brother a sign?
I’ll wrap this up, not trying to be a bother…
Just a little assist, my Almighty Father.

Break me, fix me, whatever it takes…
Guide me, point me, for goodness’ sake.

Lord, please bless this Ghost, ’cause he’s quite the mess.

Amen…

Ghost out…

What do I think?…You sure you want me to answer that?…

Howdy Ghostfans….

Been digging into my inner nerdling here lately…probably because I’ve been spending a lot of time around my 14 year old…Parts of my personality tend to resonate more prominently when I’m around certain people.

(Yeah, I know…some big words there…Resonate, Prominently…look them up retards…I’ll wait…)

(Okay Ghost, so what you’re trying to say is that you’re different around different people…doesn’t that mean you’re fake?)

No, dipwad.  What it means is that I am a multi-faceted person….sh*t….This conversation will take forever if I don’t dumb this down a bit….okay…There are many parts to me…and when I’m around someone, whatever we have in common tends to come out more.

For example, my oldest is into video games and science fiction…so, those parts of me that are the same tend to come out.  When I’m around my buddies who are into sports, my competitive side and that inner combatant/athlete come out.  When I’m around my engineer buddies we have debates over wormholes, dark matter and the possibility of time travel…and not just hypothetical crap…like detailed arguments that cover detailed laws of physics.

(Yeah, I know…I lost you…I’ll get to the point…)

I write from the perspective of one of my five “personalities”, because I am really like 5 people rolled into one.  SheWhoMustNotBeNamed routinely will ask, “Who am I talking to?”  She wants no part of DarkSide or Everto….but if Pathos happens to be nearby or even The Knight, they’ll be a sympathetic ear.

The biggest trick with me, is realizing that I’m not just one of those guys, but all 5 simultaneously.  It’s why I drink sometimes…it shuts them up.  Gives the dust some time to settle, and allows me to find a clear path to start out on.

So, you have to be careful when you ask me something.  Sometimes, you might not like the response you get.  This happens frequently.  I’m big on honesty.  I’ll usually warn you…You sure you want to know what I’m thinking?

I’d never have it any other way.  I have people ask me ridiculous sh*t from time to time…just because they know that I’ll think about it, and then give them a thoughtful, rational answer.

Like, ‘That dude is on something.  I don’t know what, but you might be better off without him.”

Or, “That b*tch is crazy, bro.  You need to boot that one to the curb and swear off it cold turkey.”

Or even, “No, I don’t care what he said…that reaction in bed is NOT normal for ANY dude.”

So, what frustrates me more than anything is when people let me down or refuse to talk to me.  It’s like this: If I did something, tell me.  Let me explain and correct it.

Don’t give me this, “You know what you did.” bullsh*t.

No, I don’t.  That’s why I’m asking.  Or even worse is when I just get the cold shoulder. If you’re expecting me to change something, and I don’t know what it is, THAT certainly isn’t getting it done.

I just start to think that you’re mental, and that I’m better off forgetting that you actually breathe air.  Which is sad, because I care about a LOT of sh*t…and people, that I probably shouldn’t.  People who blow me off.  People who ignore me.  People who frankly treat me like sh*t and talk about me behind my back.

(Go f*ck yourself…but if you’re on fire….sigh, I guess I’ll stop and put you out.)

But in the end, if they called me tomorrow, and needed something, I’d drop whatever was going and do my damn level best to help out…..That’s just who I am.  It’s how I always will be.

Almost everyone comes around.  Very few people hate me….even fewer actually have a legit reason to.

If you tell me that you want to get together, mean it.  When I call, don’t put me off. 

Frankly, I’m sick…and real damn tired…and that’s just from my neurological disorder…I’m not even factoring in the bullsh*t from friends and family…and those few enemies.

My new favorite is people who are offended…because YOU have a problem with what they say/do/post on Facespace, etc…

Well, if y’all post something I take offense to…I’m sure as hell gonna tell you.  The statement, “It’s my Facespace page, if you don’t like what I post, delete me.” is ignorant as hell.  You ‘invite’ someone to be a “friend” on that website.  That implies conversation and dialogue.  Those are TWO-way endeavors.

Not everyone will believe what you believe, nor will they always see things the same way.  A rational human being should listen when someone speaks.  It’s how we grow as humans…to consider the thoughts and feelings of others.  You can gain valuable insight this way.

Take this quote for thought:
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”
P. J. O’Rourke

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/pjorour124944.html#0S8I2YJM6FtJBzJs.99

Well, you’re free to think and say whatever you want…but the consequence is the reaction.  I responded negatively to a few Facespace posts, and people seemed shocked that I’d be opposed to it…after all, it was just a joke.

I saw this one posted a couple times:
Now at it’s core…I’m not really completely opposed to this…however, there are several DADS who fill both roles…there are also Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents who get left behind to raise kids….so, just don’t post crap like this.  The point of Father’s Day is to honor good and great MEN.

This next one is the one that got me started:

Straight up inappropriate for Father’s Day weekend.  It’s not funny.  It’s not a joke.  It’s an attack against fathers who aren’t fulfilling their duties.  Not appropriate to post.  Give men 3 damn days to celebrate, please.  Lay off this sh*t from Friday to Sunday…then feel free to dead beat dad bash all you want.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…if it doesn’t apply to you, why are you so upset?  Someone even implied that I was reacting so strongly because I might not be as good a father as I ought to be.

You know what…I’m not.  I can always be better, and I work at it every day.  Being a good parent isn’t a title, it’s a job.  One that if you complete it properly, your children will leave your nest, and be successful individuals.  If you’re celebrating now, then you’re coasting.

The reason I react so strongly to this sh*t on Father’s Day?  Is because my father is gone.  One of my grandfather’s is gone, and I barely got to know but maybe one of my great-grandfathers.  This day is to pay respect to the men who are and have done their job in raising their families…not to roast the one’s who have/are f*cking it up.  So everytime you post something that detracts from the spirit of the day, you make the statement that men aren’t important in raising a child….that it’s more important to remind the world that there are bad guys out there.

The father who showed me what hard work and going to work sick and even hurting looked like.  To the grandfather who kicked my kindergarten ass in tic-tac-toe and showed no mercy, even though he was 50 years older than me.  It made me tough and want to work hard for the win.

I don’t care what anyone says…you NEVER see this kind of crap on Mother’s Day.  You don’t.  There aren’t carefully worded Jpegs that glorify the Dad’s who wear both hats, and there aren’t any, Happy Mother’s Day except for those crazy, drug addled whores, who abandon their children and leave them to the REAL men to raise.

That sh*t doesn’t happen.  Don’t try to play like it does.  And if someone does post something, it’s isolated and rare.  You don’t see dozens of people ‘liking’ the photo and sharing it.

The sad thing is that stuff like this next pic only popped up on my newsfeed once:

Something truly worthy of the spirit of the day.  Well, I’m posting it here, and I’m thanking every one of you bastards who’ve gone and served and missed birthdays, holidays, and yes…even Father’s Days…Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You keep my little demons safe, and I that is a debt that I can never repay.

Some of these men DON’T come home, and I’m pretty sure those women would trade your f*cking Jpeg for THAT man any time of day.

So to you misguided souls who think it’s funny to bash deadbeats on Father’s Day weekend, knock it off.  It’s uncalled for. Use the other 362 days a year for that…for f*ck’s sake, it’s even a leap year, you can take 363 days this year for it.  Just leave our f*cking holiday alone.

To those of you moms who truly are on your own, your job is no doubt tough…you get yours on Mother’s Day.  I’m sure that somewhere in your lives, there is a man worth recognizing…make sure that your kids know what a good male role model is.  THAT is what the f*cking day is for!

Anyway, I’m done preaching…for now.  About 359 days, and I’ll start reminding you again.

Ghost out…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Smokin’ In The Boys Room…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Random midweek sh*t falling out of my head today…

Decided to give each one of the five voices running around up between my ears a chance to sound off today….I’ll make them do a quick introduction so you new peeps can know what the hell is going on…

(Did he just say he has ‘voices’ inside his head?)

Yep…doesn’t everyone?  No?  Huh…don’t you get lonely then?  Sometimes I have to to work at getting them to shut up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world….plus I can’t….I’ve tried…those bastards won’t get out!

Anyway, let’s get this started…first up…Dark Side.

Yeah…I ain’t doin’ introductions.  I kick ass, find awesome stuff to do, and try to keep the other retreads from talking too much when women are around.  The character of Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” was modeled after me….true story.

Check it, hookers!

It’s true.  You aren’t wanted.  That guy or girl that NEVER returns texts, calls or voicemails….yeah….they want you to run away.  Plus, if you’re awesome…like me…they don’t deserve a second thought…piss on them. 

I’m bored…and out.  Dark Side rules!

********************************************************************

Next up, Pathos…

Hey there, I’m Pathos.  I’m the passion and drive.  The hope and the light in this strange condo of craziness here in Ghost’s head.  The poet…the writer…the dreamer…

(Shut up already, and get on with it before you make us start ovulating, sock monkey!)

Dark Side is just so emotionally stunted sometimes.

Anyway, Ghost applied for a really great position inside of Giganticorp, and actually got an email back from the hiring manager saying that he has to wait until the closing date of the posting to review credentials and set interviews, but that he liked Ghost’s info.  We got our hopes up for this one!

Also, we found out that we’ll be moving to that lab job for sure on 3rd shift on June 18th!  Hello, Air Conditioning. Goodbye, sweaty, smelly, weirdly hazy factory floor!

Have had a few ladies chatting with us recently…

(They’re hollering at us, cause we’re dead sexy, and they want some Dark Side ‘forces’ applied to that ass!)

You’re such a cretin, Dark Side.  They’re interested in more than our ‘lightsaber’ skills, you wretch.

Anyway, in closing, Ghost has been struggling with this Myastenia Gravis pretty significantly.  Been hard to do much, other than get up, go to work, and sleep.  Ghost has been playing a lot of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 and watching Netflix. 

(Yeah, that bastard has gotten pretty good with that sniper rifle, and now that he unlocked that Thermal Scope, it just ain’t fair…my Force abilities and Nerdboy’s logic/strategery, and we be smoking some fools!!!)

(We seeeeeee you!  Sit your ass down, like our boy Subzero’s been telling you!!!)

You had your turn!  Stop interrupting me!!!!

Jackass!!! 

That’s about all I had.  Thanks for taking the time to read us.  We appreciate it.

(Fricking pansy!)

Sigh….

*******************************************************************

This next guy is difficult to deal with…his name is Everto.  He represents the depressed, self loathing, self desctructive parts of Ghost….his inner demon…if you will.  Those parts damaged by the teasing and bullying as a child…the parts that never will believe they deserve anything good in life.  Most of the time….he just asks negatively charged questions….sort of mutters to himself.

(Yeah…Everto is a bit scarier than Peter Parker in a Black Spidey Suit.)

(Any Supernatural fans out there? Scary like this guy.)

Ever wonder if that part of you that’s capable of love can be broken…not like damaged and repaired, but destroyed?  Rendered useless.  Never get that ‘butterfly’ feeling in your stomach ever again? 

Ever lose control of yourself..not like your temper, but have your body stop responding to basic commands?  Every worry, every time you have a weird ache/pain/muscle spasm if you’re slowly crawling your way towards a wheel chair…or a coffin? Ever have trouble talking or swallowing…and worry that you’re not going to be anything but a vegetable…sitting in a corner in your own waste…just drooling on yourself…unable to do anything…but secretly be mentally sharp, and trapped inside of a body that doesn’t work…the most horrible prison ever imagined.

Don’t think I didn’t notice, Ghost.  When you swallow…that stuff…accidentally going down the wrong pipe…yeah…that HAS been happening a little more often hasn’t it?  Been sleeping an awful lot.  Not hearing the phone ring…sleeping through alarms…those muscle spasms in your left tricep and forearm that were actually moving the whole arm…not quite as cute as the weepy right eye or the hand tremors while you’re playing Call of Duty are they?

Harder to laugh that sh*t off, isn’t it?

How about those migraines?  You’re not supposed to be taking pain pills daily for them.  That double vision and the accompanying headaches are a b*tch aren’t they?  What are you going to do when you can’t bring your eyes to focus on that computer screen, huh?

Not like you can go back out in the shop and swing that sledge hammer now, can ya?

(The Knight says you’ve had enough time, demon.  You’re finished.)

********************************************************************

Next up, our resident nerd…Prodigy…the guy who started naming off all of the men who’ve played Batman in movies…who’s currently researching grad school programs and chasing his damn tail around his lab trying to come up with some conclusions.

(Dammit, Dark Side!  What happened to Prodigy’s picture?)

(***Side note explanation for Ghost’s mum… GTFO is short for Get The F*ck Out.)

“This entry cannot be completed as assigned, due to the constantly shifting variables concerning our future, and the difficulty in plotting a course when your destination is unknown and perpetually in motion.”

My apologies for the inconvenience this may have caused.

—Prodigy

********************************************************************

Bringing us home is the White Knight…Ghost’s resident defense mechanism and moral compass.  He works to keep us from straying too far from the course…avoid traps…in general…he’s our internal boy scout.

Gentlemen…seriously…we need to come up with a plan and execute here. 

We do not have a single area of our life under control, nor a plan for coping with the current issues at hand.

Dark Side…quit chasing women…put down the whiskey bottle, and get over here.

Pathos…(snap, snap)….get your heads out of the clouds and stop daydreaming…

Prodigy…Get out of the lab, put down the laptop…stop pacing, get over here and sit down.

Everto….get lost…we got this…if we need a tie breaking vote, we’ll toss a damn coin.

The rest of you…get the hell out of Ghost’s head…we got sh*t to do!

*******************************************************************

Hope your Hump Day is Happy! 

(Dammit Dark Side!..Oh, screw it.)

Ghost out…

Have you ever…

So, we’re letting the whiny one have the keyboard for a minute here…Please don’t embarrass us….

Have you ever….

Haver you ever missed someone that you just met? Someone you’ve never met?

Have you ever sat tortured by your cell phone….agonizing over it’s silence…disappointed when the spam email or text from the ‘wrong’ person pops up?

Forced yourself through your day…setting time spans…in between those psychotic trips to check your phone for a text or missed call?

Had that moment where everything that other person says…is exactly what you wanted them to say?

Found an old ticket stub or credit card receipt from a date that was weeks or months ago….and smiled?

Started texting ANYONE AND EVERYONE in your address book…just trying to take your mind off someone?

Taken a nap to try to get someone off your mind…only to dream about them?

Have you ever been stood up?

Gotten your hopes up and built someone up so much in your head, and then you actually go out on a date with them…and realize you’re not really feeling it?

Have you ever made a list of attributes that the ‘perfect’ person would have….and then meet someone that has them?

Have you ever watched someone go out with someone else…because you were too afraid to ask them out yourself?

Have you ever just walked up to someone, told them how amazing their eyes/smile/look was…and then walked away?

Have you ever wanted to throw up or die….instead of walking the 15 feet across a room to say hello to someone who caught your eye?

Have you ever stayed in a relationship…while secretly wishing you’d have had the guts to end it and chase after someone else?

Have you ever sat alone…at home…on a Friday/Saturday night…and just f*cking enjoyed the silence?

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “Wow…I’d really like to date someone like that…”…but decide they’d probably just be too much work/drama/maintenance?

Have you ever woken up next to someone in bed and thought, “F*ck….why am I here?”…..Again?

Have you ever let someone go…and been happy for them when they ended up with someone else….who actually made them happy?

Have you ever wondered if you were actually MEANT to be alone…for  now?….forever?

Have you ever been happy just being single, but then….meet someone…who you can’t get out of your head?

Have you ever brushed hands with someone and felt a spark?

Have you ever gotten butterflies just walking next to someone?

Have you ever listened to someone b*tch about their significant other….while you secretly wished they were with you?

Have you ever ignored an advance of a friend…because you were afraid to risk a friendship for love?

Have you ever wasted an entire lunch break trying to write a text to someone…only to change your mind and not send it?

Have you ever been blown off?

Have you ever risked embarassment to tell someone exactly how you felt about them?

Ever do that and have it end terribly?

Ever wish you could turn feelings off forever and just have sex with someone…anyone?

Ever wished you could just catch one more hour with someone you’re no longer with?

Ever wonder what might have been…if you hadn’t done that thing…or gotten so upset about that one stupid thing someone did to you that one time?

Ever just wish you could turn your damn brain off?

Have you ever been strung along?

Ever been used?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Lied to?

Have you ever been walked away from?

Ignored….like you didn’t even exist…by someone who used to claim to love you?

Have you ever dated someone, but secretly wished you were with their best friend?

Have you ever just wanted to f*cking scream?

Have you ever fell in love at first sight?

Have you ever gotten excited because someone remembered your name?

Have you ever had someone run up to you excited to see you…and have no f*cking clue who they were?

Ever meet someone’s parent…later in life..and have them tell you all about how much their kid talked about you in high school…and realize you had no idea who they were?

Ever wish that one person…in school, who you ignored/teased…you would have just taken a risk and asked out….to hell with what your friends would have said?

Ever wonder what the f*ck is wrong with you, when you seem to have a ton of good friends and people who care about you, but you’re still f*cking single?

Have you ever given up?

Have you ever heard a song….and thought of someone and cried?

Ever heard a song, turned that f*cker up, and scream the lyrics in the car as loud as you could…cause you were finally free?

Have you ever rolled over in bed and reached for someone who wasn’t there?  And never was going to be again?

Have you ever woke up afraid…and have someone there to cuddle up with to make it better?

Have you ever wished you were deaf to escape incessant b*tching?

Have you ever thrown something at someone?

Ever had to duck dishes being chucked at your head?

Have you ever been sitting in the middle of a giant pile of ‘Everything is F*cked’…and thought…’I'll get through this’?

~~~Pathos

For the Ghost….We’re out…

What does Ghost want to be when he grows up?…

Howdy Ghost Fans,

First order of business….The Succubus dislikes her nickname…so, she’s being renamed.

This is permanent…and irrevocable…(unless I think of something that I find more humorous, or that pisses her off even more.)

From here going forward, she will now be known as:

She Who Must Not Be Named…or SWMNBN.

My oldest was a huge Harry Potter fan.  I managed to plan a family vacation one year and didn’t realize that the midnight release of the “Half Blood Prince” was going to happen while we were out of town.  I called the local Borders near the hotel, and the manager slipped me a bogus number in line, AND gave me one of the special Harry Potter boxes that they receive the books in.  I tore some resume paper and tied it with a red ribbon and wrote him a note from Harry Potter and set the box out on our balcony.

When he woke up, I told him an owl dropped it off.  He was pretty geeked about it.

(Go shop at Borders.  They take care of their customers. )

So anyway, she gets her nickname from the main evil character in the Harry Potter series.

***********************************************************************

Next order of business….I am truly losing my ever-loving mind.

Subzero is my boy…and when I’m worried that I’m slipping a belt, I usually chat with him.  Our text convo went sort of like this:

Subzero- What’s up, Manwhore?

Ghost – Well, I have a few ladies hollering at me, I’m sitting at work making double-time…and there is almost no work to be done, my kids are awesome…can’t really complain.

SZ- That’s cool. Ghost is the man with the ladies…Haha.

Ghost- I’m feeling the need to do something stupid..or just hide for like three weeks at home and play video games.

SZ- Lmao…do both.

Ghost- I really think I’m losing my damn mind..like EXTRA Ain’t Right.

SZ- Haha

(Not exactly what I was looking for, but it made me feel better….it really isn’t advisable to encourage me to do something stupid….Dark Side and Pathos are cooking something up….it could be amazing….could be stupendously idiotic…)

************************************************************************

Prodigy: This work, school, whole “do something with your life” is a real conundrum.

Knight: Yes, do we do something honorable/noble…do we search out our “calling” as intended by our creator?

Prodigy: Or do we research job fields that we hold talent in that have excellent employment opportunities emerging?  Do we go back to school to get a special certification or retrain to do something completely different?

Knight: We can’t let the Emotional One decide…and letting Dark Side plan our future is like putting a drug addict in charge of guarding the pharmacy…

Prodigy:  How do we decide?  We have a good job, but we really aren’t being challenged.  We could be earning so much more doing something else…or doing something we love to do…or something we’re good at….or something we’re good at AND love to do….or something that just pays us A LOT OF MONEY THAT WE HATE…OR…OR…OR….

Dark Side (Sliding in, cuffs Prodigy in the back of the head): Go sit down nerd…before you have a melt down.

Prodigy wanders off muttering to himself…

Pathos: Well, I think we should…

(Interrupting, Dark Side and the White Knight both say simultaneously) WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO!!!

Dark Side: (Sarcastically)Follow our heart…to our calling!

Knight: The problem is friend…there are five of us up here…we’re all good at different things…enjoy different things, WANT different things….selecting the ONE path for all of us is difficult.

Dark Side: Throw in this whole “One woman at a time” policy that Ghost makes us adhere to, and now we’re forced to try to pick out a career path AND settle on a broad!

Pathos:  It really is difficult…there are so many choices.  If we settle for one now, what if we meet someone in a couple of weeks?  What if we wait too long, and lose out one something with someone now?  What if…what if…what if….

Dark Side: (Smacking Pathos in the back of the head) Go sit down, Romeo….before you get your tights wadded up in a bunch.

Pathos wanders off muttering to himself.

Knight: We have to keep our wits about us…lest that foul git Everto strike again.

Dark Side: I know.  We have got to get a f*cking plan in place though.  Those two are going to wind themselves up until they pop.  You got any ideas how to sort this out?

Knight: Not at the present, my shadowy motived colleague.

Dark Side: Not sure if that was a compliment or insult…but I’m letting it slide, Goody-TwoShoes.  Let’s start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do, and then we’ll research some jobs we might enjoy doing…..

Knight: Wait…did you just say, “Start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do” in reference toWOMEN with which we may wish to pursue a romantic interest, you amoral cad?!?

Dark Side: Quit getting tangled up in the semantics. Broads to do. Women to date…same thing.

Knight: You sorry excuse for a man…I’ll not tolerate this out of you further.

Dark Side: Dammit, Vagina Avenger! Can we focus on the tasks at hand?

Knight: Was that another snide, underhanded shot at describing fondling breasts?

Dark Side: That’s it! I’m f*cking you up!!!

(Dark Side and the Knight start brawling….while behind them in the corner…in the shadows…a figure slides out of view…)

************************************************************************

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Shut up! Shut up!! Shut the ever-loving f*ck up!!!  Dammit!!!!

I want some Taco Bell…softshell supremes…with Verde sauce…

I need a nap…and a shower…a bowl of cocoa pebbles sounds good…maybe watch some Archer re-runs on Netflix?  Maybe I’ll play some Call of Duty with Subzero…shoot some mofos?

I need to do laundry..Gotta get those damn taxes handled in the morning…and get the oil changed…and put that damn wheel tax sticker in my window…and dammit, dammit, dammit!!!! I’m melting down here….somebody smack in the back of the damn head, please???

Ghost out…

Ohhhhh….the sh*t that comes out of Ghost’s mouth…

Ghost fans…

Had a couple good days the last two days…still laughing when I get the hand tremors…

Thought I’d risk an upper body work out today.  We’ll see how that works. Probably try to run some tomorrow. 

Thought I’d share some stupid things that have come up in my life here recently.

***********************************************************************

Ghost–”Why is she such a crazy b*tch?”

     —Friend replies, “Do you know any ‘rational/logical ones’?”

Ghost– “Fair point.”

***********************************************************************

At Work—

Ghost–”Here’s the phone, man.”

–Coworker, “Oh, I’m not using it anymore.  But ‘Frank’ is.”

Ghost–”I was just in the office with him…why didn’t he ask for it?”

–Coworker, “Because he’s f*cking stupid.”

(Why yes, yes he is…certainly walked into that one did I.)

***********************************************************************

On, Halloween, Ghost went as Will Ferrell’s character in Semi-Pro, Jackie Moon. 

(THIS GUY!!!!)

This conversation happened with my mom, now keep in mind….that there was NO lead in to this conversation…It starts COLD, just like this:

“Hey, your Halloween costume is getting a sequel?”

Me — “What?”

Mom– “You know, that Will Ferrell guy that I don’t like? He announced he’s doing a sequel to that movie…you know..Anchorguy…Ron Jeremy?”

Me—(Literally rolling on the couch in a fit of laughter) “Oh sh*t, Mom!  That’s totally going in my blog.”

Mom– “Why?”

Me– “Ron BURGUNDY, Mom.  Ron Jeremy is a porn star…I went as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro, anyway.”

Mom– “F*ck you.  You knew what I meant.”

(Stay Classy, San Diego.)

(Stay Trampy, Everywhere else!!! Hey, Ghost..can you introduce me to that Snarky Kat chick?)

***********************************************************************

Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 online with Subzero….

Random (good) player… “Man, you guys suck!  We completely dominated your asses.  If I were you guys, I’d kill myself….that was pathetic.”

Ghost… “Well, sh*t for brains…I have a life outside of Gamerland…during our match I’ve been texting two different girls, I’m about to head out to run a couple errands, then I’m headed to a party later and maybe some karaoke.  Have fun camped out in your mommy’s basement, spanking it to internet porn tonight.  I’m out…”

Subzero laughing his ass off… “You told him, Ghost.”

Take two…

Random 14 year old (very good) gamer,  “You guys are absolute sh*t!  Do you even know how to play the game? You guys are the worst players I’ve ever seen.”

Ghost: “Well, Timmy…I worked all night at my JOB, I can’t play 16 hours a day to get as good as you are.  Secondly, when your mommy makes you get off here in about 15 minutes to go to Soccer practice, she and I are gonna hook up at the motel, while she “kills time” waiting to pick you back up. My sex life also cuts into my game time.”

Random 14 year (very good) gamer: “Go to hell, Ghost.”

(About 20 minutes later…and after Subzero goes off and annihilates everyone…The kind of streak where all you hear, is “Sit your ass down. Did I say you could get up?  I SAAAIIIIIDDD, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, FOOL!!!  Oh, Oh, Look out…Subzero kill cam!!!)

R14YO gamer: “Well, guys…I’m outta here.  I gotta go to swim practice.”

Subzero: “Hey Ghost, does that mean you have to go to the motel now?”

Ghost: “Nah, I can probably play a couple more before I have to go rock his mom’s world.”

(Everyone else online laughing….R14YOgamer logs off, never says another word.)

(Subzero says, ‘Sit your ass down! And don’t piss off the Ghost! Ask that Garage Door! GOG,GOG,GOG,GOG!!!!)

***********************************************************************

Ghost on the phone with his daughter…

Princess– “Daddy, I love you more than hot dogs and macaroni and cheese!”

Ghost — “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Princess — “And Daddy, I love you more than ice cream too!”

Ghost — “Wow, I love you too more than hot dogs, ice cream AND macaroni and cheese together!!!”

Princess — “Daddy, all that stuff together would be gross.”

Ghost — “Well, Princess…I love you more than video games!”

Princess– “Wow, Daddy…that is a lot, A LOT!!!”

***********************************************************************

On the phone with the Little Demon Sh*t from Hell…

LDSH: “Daddy, why did the Easter Bunny bring me a Buzz Lightyear with no helmet? What is THAT?  I was like…A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!! Wait, he has no helmet?  What is wrong with the Easter Bunny?

(Ghost, having no idea with his mother and the Easter Bunny conspired to get him)

Ghost: It must be a special one?

LDSH: I just found a helmet and fixed it. Crazy Easter Bunny.

(Dad, I think the Easter Bunny’s been sniffing glue again…he brought me a Buzz Lightyear…WITH NO HELMET, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????)

***********************************************************************

Phone conversation with the 14 year old, Lost Demon…

Lost Demon: “So, I’m at school, and this kid calls me a fag in the hallway.  He’s like, ‘Drama is gay…you fag.’  So I said, ‘Really? I get to sing and dance with GIRLS….and watch their boobs bounce up and down, you know…cause we’re dancing….while you get to go strip down to your underwear, and roll around with a bunch of hot sweaty guys.  Who’s gay now?’”

(Ghost laughing pretty hard) “Well, buddy…that was a pretty good comeback. What did he say?”

LD: “Oh, nothing…about three weeks later he announced that he was bi-sexual.”

(Ghost facepalms) “In Junior High? Dear God, we were busy trying to figure out how to get into a girl’s pants in 8th grade…not deciding whose pants we liked being in better!”

LD: “Yeah, don’t worry dad…I’m not doing that stuff.”

Ghost: “Yeah…say what you want…but you know what’ll happen, right?”

LD: “Yeah, yeah….if you get a call from the the cops, the school, or some girl’s parents because I got arrested, my grades slipped or some girl is pregnant, you’re going to put your boots on, walk through some extra nasty stuff, and then put them so far up my butt that I’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom of them.”

Ghost: “As long as we’re on the same page.”

LD: “Yeah, I got it.”

************************************************************************

At a house party, with Subzero, That Effing Girl and 1Nightstand…

Ghost: “Hey, Subzero…they have barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

Ghost: “What? I said there’s barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

TFG: “Why do you keep bugging him about the damn barbecue?”

Subzero: “Go ahead and tell her, Ghost. Why do you keep reminding me that there is barbecue in the house?”

Ghost (laughing): ‘Cause he’s black….hahahaha…”

TFG (Looking all serious and slightly offended): “Ghost, you can’t say that!”

Subzero: “It’s all good. He’s my boy…and since he’s see thru clear, he ain’t really white.”

Ghost: “I bet if they had some sushi your ass would be in there. What up, my NIN-JUH?” (Subzero is also Japanese…we call him Black-anese.)

Subzero: “Oh, hell yeah..I’d be tearing some sushi up.”

Ghost: “I ain’t right.  I’m sorry y’all…I ain’t right.”

Subzero: “No…you aren’t.  But that’s why we like you.”

************************************************************************

Well, I figure I’ll wrap this up.  Supposed to be kicking it with the little terror trio this weekend.  Should be interesting. So until next time…

Ghost out…

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Follow Ghost’s Insanity on Facespace @ www.facebook.com/theghostlife

and on TwitZone @TheGhostLife

Email pics, rants, raves, whatever to: Irish.Ghost28@Gmail.com

We may start posting fan pics…just cover your face, and make it real.

Blah, blah, blah..All I hear is, “I’m a dirty tramp.”…

Howdy Ghost fans…

Was watching some Netflix yesterday.  The woman who plays the maid on Two and aHalf Men, is also in Mr. Deeds…Loved that line.  The MG has been kicking my ass pretty good.  The double vision makes even laying around watching tv exhausting….seriously…my eyes get tired…just watching a movie.

(When Ghost gets his movie deal…I gotta find a role for this woman…she kills me…)

Today, my left hand is being quite the little b*tch.  The fingers are ‘tired’ and don’t want to type….The right side of my face is getting it’s two cents in two.

Well, F*CK YOU GUYS!!!! I’m the boss.  (Hope they bought that…cause I’m feeling like I’m not very in charge of sh*t today.)

If you’re into netflix…you know that I’ll randomly hit up foreign films….(particularly French ones, since that is one of my languages of familiarity…man I love to listen to girls talk in French…)

If you have a Netflix account and like Jet Li or Jason Statham movies, check out:

District B13 and District 13:Ultimatum

The action sequences are straight up Jackie Chan, but there are two pretty cut up half clothed guys running around and kicking ass….(Ladies, you’ll be able to keep interested…)

(Guns, girls, fights…and subtitles…knowing what the real words mean is even funnier…those darn translators…)

(Holy sh*t!  A sequel!  Score!!!)

(These guys make you think that the French might not all be pussies…)

To be perfectly honest…my blogs have sucked as of late. I’ve  just been very tired.  The spasms in my left hand started as I was getting out of bed today, so I knew it was gonna be a long night….When I fire up the keyboard to bang out a paragraph of two, the last three fingers start to curl up with fatigue…it really f*cking sucks.

I helped my mom take her TV back to Best Buy…(it crapped out about 3 weeks ago, they came, looked at it, told us they’d order a part and come back in two weeks to fix it…they didn’t show for the appointment that I stayed up for, and then told us to bring it in….so we do, she picks out a display model, very nice one…and I set it up for her…f*cking thing works for 24hours and takes a sh*t on Saturday night.)

So I get to load that damn thing back up for her, and she’s going to take it back tomorrow.

I gotta be real thankful for some pretty good friends….Got to play this amazing new drinking game called Beer Frisbee…pretty sure I don’t have code names for these friends of mine, but I think they invented it….let me check Google….

(Nope…you can buy this sh*t online.)

There’s a PVC pipe stuck in the ground with an empty beer bottle on top of it on both sides of the yard…about 10 yards apart.  Your job is to throw your frisbee at the pole (above knee level, marked on the poles) and knock that bottle off.

1 point if the other team fails to catch your frisby….3 more points if they can’t catch the bottle.

Good times.

Hung out with 1Nightstand, That Effing Girl and Subzero….crushed some karaoke with Subzero and TFG, and had a pretty good meal with the family on Sunday.

I’m ridiculously grateful to have them around….this MG sh*t has it’s good days and bad, and been having some pretty bad ones the past week.

Hopefully, I’ll have some better posts up soon….SOMEBODY IS SITTING ON A KICKASS PIECE ABOUT GIRLS AND THEIR ONLINE DATING PROFILES…..BUT IS TAKING HER SWEET ASS TIME IN POSTING MY GUEST BLOG….AHEM….AHEM….

Tell Monday to f*ck off, cause Ghost said so….Tuesday…your ass is next!

Ghost out…

Somebody is getting their ass kicked!…

Well, f*ck.  I usually start with a title…and then run with it…but today will be a little different.

The inspiration for my post today was a tweet from one of my favorite pro wrestlers/actors yesterday.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (@TheRock) tweeted this yesterday:

“To some its Hump Day. To us, it’s Wednesday’s getting its ass kicked & Thursday just asked Friday to switch places. #TeamBringIt”

**********************************************************************

So, with a battle cry that I can get behind…here goes:

I’m pissed.  Angry.  Exhausted.  Sad.  Alone.  Hurting.

I’m sick.

Not just that call the significant other for a box of generic Dayquil caplets and that can of chicken dumpling stuff at Wally-Hell-Mart either.

The kind of sick that doesn’t go away.  The kind of sh*t where your doctor says, ‘There is no cure.’

The kind of sick that affects 3 to 30 out of 1,000,000 people…..(Ghost you f*cking lucky bastard! You always were good at bucking the odds.)

(Given where I live….No, you f*ckers…it isn’t an STD.  You insensitive pricks.)

I have a condition called Myasthenia Gravis….or MG….

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/myasthenia_gravis/detail_myasthenia_gravis.htm

(How’s this for some real sciency sh*t, for you?)

(Agreed, very slim female!  F*ck MG!!!)

It’s an auto-immune disorder…basically, my body is attacking itself.  The nerve receptors for my skeletal or ‘voluntary’ muscles are affected.  So heart and other vital organ function is basically fine.  Just any action that I WANT to do gets really hard.

It’s usually only fatal when the chest wall muscles are affected…which presently…mine are not.

However, I’ve been informed that it’s chronic, meaning it will come back after long periods of being symptom free, and that it’s progressive.  What starts out quite isolated…in either the face or a neck muscle, can become generalized and in some folks…fatal.

(Ghost you mutherf*ckin’ ray o’ sunshine today!)

Well, F*CK you!!!  I’m not feeling all ‘sunshine, kitties and cotton candy’ today. I feel like Lewis Black F-bombs, Denis Leary rants and smashing liquor bottles against a brick wall with every ounce of my strength….or basically hurling two of them, and then having my arm hurt so damn bad that I want to cut it off.

The more I use the muscle, the faster it gets tired.  Walking up stairs will wind me.  Typing on the keyboard will cause a muscle spasm or tremor after about 5 minutes…or I’ll get twitchy, unsure keystrokes and have to use the backspace key a lot…

It’s played hell with my ability to work out.  I’m always tired, so knowing when to “push through the pain/fatigue” and when to actually stop is tough.

(Ghost is it possible you’re just out of shape?)

Oh, I know that I’m a little out of shape.  But, ask the people that I played softball with last year…or the guys I’ve played semi-pro football with the last three years.  I’m an athlete.  I used to run down the field on kickoffs, being one of the first guys down and cause hell with the blockers.  I played a softball game last year with a torn calf muscle.  Sat out one week…wrapped the thing up and kept playing….about four games later, playing the outfield….I sprinted in from left-center field and caught a sinking liner, and in one motion, fired the ball to first nearly doubling up the runner at first.  The guy would have been out too, but our first baseman wasn’t expecting the throw and wasn’t on the bag.

No, this is more than Ghost being a little extra fluffy.  This shit is more….and I’ve been ignoring it.

See, I first dealt with this sh*t back in 2004.  I ran the gauntlet on testing, bloodwork, eye exams, MRI and x-rays….to have the neurologist tell me….it’s just stress.

I looked at this prick and said, I worked 50+ hour weeks, helped care for a new baby, and carried 16-18 hours at college the last two years.  I’m kicking ass at work, I graduated, and own a home now.  School is over, my kid is using the crapper and sleeping through the night…I’ve experienced a tremendous drop in stress.  Sorry doc.

Well, I did a couple rounds with steroid treatments…and felt a hell of a lot better.  I ended up changing jobs.  Started working 40 hour weeks, and my symptoms faded…really about all that was noticeable…was a slight droop in my right eyelid.

(It’s progressive, so it’s worse late in the day…but this is about how my right eyelid starts out each day.)

Well….about a year ago…I moved to third shift….Three months after that, I started seeing ########.  About two months after that, I started noticing the symptoms….eyesight getting crappy…(double vision is common with this disorder, as the eye muscles get fatigued holding focus), she was complaining about too much spit in my kisses…(the right side of my face is affected…giving me a just been to the dentist office droop on the right corner of my mouth…from time to time, I’ll wipe it and it’ll be moist.)…..

It had been so long….I just couldn’t see it.

It’s been progressively getting worse.  I noticed it in December as I started a much less physically demanding job, but was getting MORE tired.  I blamed it on the bounce from third to first and then to second shift.

For nine months, I routinely blasted steel parts with a sledge hammer.  The people I worked with knew what parts I was working with based on the duration of hammering, and number of f-bombs flying.  I earned the old-timers respect by refusing to just send the part out to salvage to have them cut it out with a torch and start over, but doing it “old school” and banging that piece into shape.

This is not the body of someone who gets tired walking up stairs.

I know that she isn’t talking to me…but tell ######## that I didn’t know….I’m sure it was affecting my attitude and behaviors…being tired for no real damn reason has made me a little erratic and irritable, I’ve noticed…I’m sorry.

I’m f*cking scared.  This MG crap has a laundry list of ‘possible’ causes, but even the doctors who I’ve seen say, “We don’t really know what causes it.”

Some people test positive for certain markers using blood tests, some people have certain measurable muscle responses, while others do not.  Some people have tumors on the Thymus gland…some go symptom free after having it removed….while others experience a relapse of symptoms within a year following the surgery.

F*ck me.

(So, let me get this straight?  They aren’t sure what causes it.  Aren’t sure how to treat it….Weekly blood transfusions are one of the prescribed more aggressive plans….Sounds like some medieval ‘get the bad blood out’ type of sh*t to me.)

I have only told a couple of people.  So, now I’m putting it out there.  I don’t think I’ll tattoo it on my forehead, or wear special letters sewn onto my clothing.  I’m not sure why I didn’t want to tell anyone…I guess, I didn’t want people treating me differently.  I don’t ever want to have my workload lightened because I’m “sick”.  I certainly don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.

But, I know that I’m gonna need help to deal with this.  So, I guess I’m letting my friends know why I’m turning down invites to events and not hanging out like I used to.

I can’t give it to anyone…basically…my body hates itself.  Which is sort of ironic…because I’ve always said there was no punishment that anyone could give to me that would ever top what I would do to myself…Damn…it sucks being right.

The symptoms are a lot worse this time, and I’m f*cking scared.  If I get through this, is it gonna come back in 4 years….8 years…12?  But be even worse?  F*ck.  I can’t imagine having to take a break, halfway up the stairs.  Son of a b*tch.

Well, I’m not gonna borrow trouble from tomorrow. I’ve got enough sh*t to deal with today.

First step…attitude.

F*ck MG.  I’m gonna whip it’s ass.

Second…Whip MG’s ass.

Well, got the game plan…time to execute.

‘Til next time, Ghost fans….

Ghost out…

When all hell breaks loose…

(Note: I wrote this awhile ago….things aren’t always fun and cheery up here in the loft between Ghost’s ears….at times I fight depression, self-destructive tendencies, and this is sort of what it’s like when you beat yourself up like I do. I call on some close friends when I feel this coming on. The Advanced Internal Ghost Weather System gets the alarm sounded….then we run for cover.)

******************************************************************

It feels like a bad omen…

It’s going to be really bad…bad forecast in the weather….and it just feels bad in your gut…

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It’s a nightmare in here.  This makes a Dark Side tantrum look like a toddler pitching a fit in WalMart about a toy.  Everything is in disarray.  Shattered.  Destroyed.  This was some serious bad mojo at work.

The Knight is unconscious….Dark Side has collapsed in a heap….Pathos is hiding in the corner…and I’m nearly speechless.

The fifth personality has been appearing…always sticking to the shadows…he just spoke his name the other day to Pathos….this Everto character….He appears to have ALL of our abilities and gifts….but he’s twisted….almost a mirror image….similar but different.

He started with me…ripping me apart with dark logic.  Talking me in circles and connecting arguments through seemingly impossible loopholes….Til I was timid and afraid to argue back…

Then he crushed the Knight with a relentless assault on his shortcomings…his insecurity about our failures…crushing his pride…as always…the Knight fought til he could no longer…and collapsed…

Interestingly…Dark Side was trying to help the Knight…no physical blow would undo Dark Side….his undoing….fear…specifically of failure…all of the missed opportunities…the times he sat quiet…failed to speak up…pretended not to care…..Everto used these to suck the fight right out of him….

And every time one of us fell….he grew stronger….leaving Pathos…

You’d think that Pathos would be an easy mark….but you’d be wrong…seeing his allies fall….empowered him…there have been times where we were only holding onto a thought or idea…through the sheer passion of Pathos….the angry hatred of Dark Side for those who told us we would never be anything….the righteous conviction of the Knight, to stick to his guns over an issue…or the solid logic of an argument of mine…it was the only thing keeping us going…because Pathos’ fueled it with his emotion.

His undoing…was betrayal…a reminder of all of the times where he stood loyal…to a family member…a friend…a wife…girlfriend..even…a child…who turned around and drove the knife into our back…Without the Knight to hold Pathos to a just cause…or me to provide the logic to keep him on course….or Dark Side to provide the outrage that pinpoints a weak spot in the obstacle to blast through it…it was just a matter of time….Pathos fell into a sobbing heap…crippled by the many past betrayals….slapped in the face, when choosing to do the right thing….mislead…used….

Then Everto unleashed hell….as we all crawled for cover….dragging the Knight…

We kept the control room locked up…and waited for the storm to blow itself out…

The fifth personality gone again…no trace of his exit….just the utter destruction left behind…

Dark Side: Dammit…we just got cleaned up from St. Ghost’s Day. Guess we get to watch smarty pants try to sweep broken sh*t into a bag with a giant hole in the bottom of it for hours again.

Leave it to Dark Side to find the humor in any situation.  Now to figure out what drew him out.  Time to prepare.  Something has felt off for awhile.  None of us could put our finger on it.

We’ll keep you posted about this Everto guy and any developments.

Prodigy here for the Ghost.

Ghost out…