7.2.2012….DarkSide’s Take on Mondays…

What’s up, hookers?

DarkSide here.  Tired.  Hot…DAMN is it hot!!!

(That one’s for you, Subzero! HOT DAMN!!!)

Anyway, Mondays…Ghost you suck…seriously?  Why am I getting a writing assignment?  You want me to write about Mondays, here goes:

This particular Monday sucks because:
1) DarkSide can’t remember the last time we got drunk/nekkid and caused trouble.
     +          =    

                   Broads                                                                         Booze                                                             Pleased DarkSide

I’m not sure what conspiracy that the Knight and Pathos are cooking up, but keeping Ghost away from the Ladies and Liquor is killing us!!!!  Just go out and be a “little bad”….Please? Don’t make me MindTrick Prodigy and get Everto on board to go out hunting down rebel “spies” to “interrogate”.
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2) New job the past two weeks.  What really sucks is that I’ve been bouncing between shifts, and will make a second to first to third swing over about 4 weeks….I’m taking a lot of naps…however…being able to get into the office for extended periods and OUT of the damn heat is mighty fine!  Working on the Death Star can be rough, but being able to get away from the heat from the reactors makes the day go much faster.

(Many offices in the Death Star have amazing views…just be careful to not fall out the window!)

(I was, uhh…just checking the construction progress and craftsmanship…uhmmm…..)
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3)  Did I mention it was f*cking hot???
I need to get to the pool!!!!

(This would work!)

(Not initially what I had in mind, but hey….this would work just fine too!)
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4)  Entirely f*cking sick of politcal commercials and the endless nonsense on FaceSpace….
Bottom line…Republicans AND Democrats are the problem.  They both sell us out…just to different special interests.  Is Healthcare for everyone a good idea?  Of course.  But here in the good ole U. S. of A….we’re f*cking broke!  We have failing public schools, our elderly who depend on Medicare and Social Security are looking at floundering government programs, so now we’re trying to start up ANOTHER ONE????  One that adds not a single nurse, doctor, etc…but adds a reported 16,000 I.R.S. agents?

Ok, Obamacrats…tell me what flavor Kool-aid I have to drink for THAT to make sense?

(The Empire health plan is MUCH better…we just clone more troops…no healthcare necessary!)
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5) The White Knight snores, Everto mutters to himself all hours of the day, Prodigy leaves notebooks, pens, and science crap everywhere, and Pathos has been skipping around composing some love poetry or some nonsense all day…Why can’t a dictator get some good old fashioned debauchery accomplished in peace?

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There, suck it, Ghost.  Just so you know…I am beginning to plan a coup to restore the DarkSide Agenda…there have been far too few questionable decisions made on booze lately!!!  The people demand satisfaction…well, DarkSide does anyway…and that’s what matters!!!

Later, Hookers.
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Ghost out…

Ghost Radio…Summertime edition…

What’s happening, Ghostfans?

DJ DarkSide here, hitting you with some of Ghost’s favorite summer jams…
Don’t know about y’all, but it’s been pretty damn hot here, and all I can think about is chilling poolside with an adult beverage and looking at the bikinis….anyone else?

(Yes, yes, and Hell Yes!!!!  That last one is an oldie, but that’s what a real woman should look like.  No ribs visible…you get that, you skinny little skeleton b*tches?)

Song number one goes back a little bit for me…a back in high school jam, but a classic if you ask this Ghost:

Riding around in your Jeep or your Benzos….nope…just the Jeep for this Ghost.     ;-)
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The next one flashes forward a bit and I remember hitting pretty big when I was in college:

Never been a part of Summertime in the LBC, but Snoop Highly recommends it!
                                                     
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Now, if you’ve been following Ghost at all, you know that he listens to a lot of different music…but Country is his least favorite…seriously, Ghost used to write 20 page papers in college listening to Tchaichovsky and The NutCracker Suite…so, Country is really down there a bit…but this next guy is angling to be this generation’s Jimmy Buffet….if there isn’t a Kenny Themed Island resort in the next decade, I’d be surprised.

But anyway, here you go, some Country music from the Ghost…love that Yoohoo in the glass bottle..to my friends going on float trip next month, this one’s for you!

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Shifting back to my high school days, I think one of the reasons that rap music used to be a lot better is because of things like this video.  These guys came from neighborhoods that I could recognize.  These are places that “real” people might live.  Rap today is all about whips and cribs and cash….stupid amounts of cash.  I understand being pissed off that your neighborhood seems like a black hole that you aren’t ever going to escape.  I understand that rage and anger, and the party in this video…where the entire fridge is filled with 40′s…yeah, been places like that…Never seen a bottle of Cristal.  So here you go…..A little Dre to brighten your day:

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Wrapping us up, we’re digging back a bit.  This cat left his rock group and definitely didn’t do much afterwards.  This remake is one of about three tolerable songs during his solo period.  Now, Ghost doesn’t play favorites….but his favorite girls have always been Midwest/Mountain State girls…Ghost’ll have to get out to the coasts a bit more before he renders a verdict, but this song definitely picks a favorite place to pick up chicks:
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Well, y’all.  Enjoy your summer, cause pretty soon you know you’ll be b*tching about scraping windows and the white stuff.

      +           =    

Ghost out…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Ladies…I Give You…Your Newest SuperChick…

Howdy Ghostfans,

Feeling kinda nerdy this week, so we’re back for more video games.  It’s Tuesday, and the new “Lollipop Chainsaw” game dropped today. Say hello to Juliet Starling!

If you reserved it early, you got some extra change of clothes tossed in…not sure if you can buy them later, but let’s just say that I’m looking forward to the Halloween Costumes that spin off this fall…

(Hey nerd…yeah…she’s still out of your league…)

(Wait, wait, wait, Ghost….This is CLEARLY exploitative of women!  You’re a sexist douchebag!!!)

Au contraire, jackhole!  Cheerleaders dress like this:

                                                                                                  and like this…                                 and this….

So to see the newest Zombie Slaying SuperChick dressed like this is no big deal:

(One of my favorite moves by the way!  Leapfrog the Zombie and….

(Saw that Undead Dickweed in two…the hard way!!!)

(Okay, Ghost….so the outfit isn’t THAT out of line…what about the rest?)

Admittedly…this is a game…and they hope to profit from this…so yeah, there are some slutty costume/wardrobe options:

But is this really any worse than what you might see on regular TV anyway?

Or HBO?

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I haven’t even got to the best part!  She is definitely NO damsel in distress…this girl has two sisters and parents who are world class zombie slayers…as our herione puts it…her mom kicks so much ass, it makes her proud to wear a vagina!

(Apparently, these chicks get into the action as well! It’s good to have sisters like this!)

She even totes her boyfriend’s LIVING head around on her belt.  (Yes, she decapitates him after he is bitten, and performs this magic ritual to keep him alive…and swearing…effing Zombie Cops with guns!!!!)

He only becomes useful for little tasks, after you stick his head on top of headless zombie bodies.  In his defense the young gentleman gets bit trying to protect his girl (unnecessarily) from a zombie….THEN, as he lay dying in her arms, apologizes for messing up her birthday…yes, the zombie outbreak happens on this young lady’s 18th birthday.

(Hmm…well then Ghost…it may not be complete and utter trash….)

The shift in this game is from shock, gore and horror to comedy…the point is to present crass schoolboy humor and nonsensical fantasy to the mix….like the rainbow and stars that follow her chainsaw…which magically never runs out of fuel.

(No, you can’t copy my homework!  But you can take this chainsaw and deal with my magic poms, jerks!!!)

Okay…seriously…it’s not all family fun.

The zombies call our hero a slut and a b*tch…. A LOT!!!

One guy that you save…actually tells you that he’s going to masturbate to you later….

Then….

There’s the fact that she eats lollipops to keep her energy up, “even though they make her butt totally big”.

There’s the wonderful thing she loves about her boyfriend is that he “totally doesn’t even mind her gigantic butt”.

There’s the stripper-pole swinging, chainsaw decapitations.  While extremely hilarious…very inappropriate for little people.

All in all though….good, UNCLEAN, undead fun.

And can somebody please tell me who keeps strapping these damn zombies up with dynamite suicide bomber vests??????

Anyway, I’ll wrap this up.

Definitely going to have to invest a few hours playing this one to see if the gameplay is bigger than the half-naked cheerleader hype.

Til next time…

Ghot out….

Now Accepting Applications….

Howdy Ghostfans…

Summer…hot…sun…humid…F*ck that.

Alright…Summer isn’t all that bad…It would be a lot better if I worked at a resort in Maui, instead of a place like this:

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It also happens to be the desert in between Ghost’s two favorite events…there are two big holidays on Ghost’s calendar:

St. Ghost’s Day (a.k.a. St. Pat’s) and Halloween

      AND     

How can you go wrong on either of these great days?

Anyway….

Ghost wanted to do THIS costume last year BAD!!!!!

The girlfriend at the time runs with a group of girls that call themselves “The Kittens”, but she absolutely refused to go as Catwoman.  WTF, right?!?

Well, ladies.  Ghost is single and accepting applications for his Catwoman this year.  If you think you’ve got the figure and ‘Cat-itude’…hit me up.

I’d also consider doing this one:

Now that I’m thinking about it…Joker and Harley would be pretty damn cool too!

Given the new Harley Quinn’s revenge DLC for the game that just dropped, what do you think about this:

Batman and Harley?  Any thoughts???

Only Hot, Nerdy chicks need apply…If you can’t tell me the “Contra” code without Googling it…forget it.

If your favorite Star Wars movie isn’t nearly 30-35 years old, if you don’t know how to get extra lives on the original Super Mario Brothers game, or if you’re only into Just Dance on the Wii…just save us both some time.

Ghost out…
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Follow more Ghost insanity on Facespace at www.facebook.com/TheGhostLife

Twitzone is @TheGhostLife

Email my crazy ass at irish.ghost28@gmail.com

PS3 is Irish_Ghost28

Sh*t the Spectre says…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Well, we’ve got a week in the books since the Spectre’s surprise one-way ticket to Ghost’s doorstep.  Lots of video games and talking been done, and here are some gems to come my way via the unique perspective of my soon to be 15-year old:

Spectre: Hey, dad?  You ever hear many blonde jokes?
Ghost:  Please…I dated your mom…I’m pretty sure that SHE’S the reason that blonde jokes exist!
Spectre: Yeah…okay…I could see that.

Spectre: I used to be an adventurer like you…til I took an arrow to the knee.
(Any Skyrim nerds out there?)

Spectre: And for you American viewers out there….stuff happened in other countries that wasn’t “totally awesome” and didn’t involve explosions.

Subzero: How’s your boy doing?
Ghost: Oh, he’s mine alright…I get off work and walk in the door, he’s passed out on the couch, glasses on, PS3 on pause, clutching the controller….almost wouldn’t let go of it.
Subzero: Teaching that boy right, I see.  Haha.

Ghost’s mom: Oh, yes. We went to church, and one of the girls down the street asked me who that was who was with me.
Ghost (Looking at Spectre): NO!  Don’t even try to date that girl down the street…or either of her two sisters!  I grew up with their dad, and I’m just telling you right now, he’s my friend…I don’t want to run into him and have to avoid the, “So, your son’s banging my daugher…” awkward conversation.

(I guess my son is dating your daughter…but if you don’t lower that umbrella, I’m gonna have to kick your ass!)

Ghost(Playing Modern Warfare 3): Sit your ass down.  Oops, just shot your boy in his damn head…and another one….and another one…are you guys retarded?  Seriously…you run down that path..get shot in the head, and think, “Oh, I’m gonna get him!  I’ll just run back down that path and…dink…headshot….Oh, I’m really gonna get him now!!!!  I’ll just run back down that path, and…dink…headshot…”
Spectre: Did he tell you you could get back up?
Ghost: That’s right, little man!
Spectre: Aladeen, muthaf*cka!!!
(If you haven’t seen ‘The Dictator”, you won’t get it.)

Spectre(Laying on the couch): Man!  It’s only 9 am….
Ghost:  Be quiet…I normally sleep til 11 or 12…play video games or something…
Spectre: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…….

Spectre: Dad, the dog keeps trying to hump me.
Ghost: Punch him in the face.
Spectre: I can’t do that.
Ghost: Then he’s gonna keep trying it.
(Guido tries to hump Spectre’s leg again.)
Spectre: (Paff…he cuffs Guido across the snout) Get off me, dammit!
Ghost: See. Your dad knows things….now just remember that for when all the girls are wanting sex…I’m not trying to be a grandpa in the next 10 years.
Spectre: I know…I know…boot in my ass if I get someone pregnant.
Ghost: The muthaf*ckin’ U.N. is gonna be up in here talking about human rights violations, son!  Evil Dictators are gonna be calling me for tutorial lessons in torture.

(Yeah…kinda like that..but Guido is blonde, and weighs about 70 lbs and looks like Chewbacca!)

(Better set those blasters to stun!)

Well, Thursday is here and about gone.  Got a pretty cool guest blog lined up for tomorrow….meaning I stole that sh*t!!!!  AND YOU KNOW THIS, MANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, have a good one…stay safe….

Ghost out…

Smokin’ In The Boys Room…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Random midweek sh*t falling out of my head today…

Decided to give each one of the five voices running around up between my ears a chance to sound off today….I’ll make them do a quick introduction so you new peeps can know what the hell is going on…

(Did he just say he has ‘voices’ inside his head?)

Yep…doesn’t everyone?  No?  Huh…don’t you get lonely then?  Sometimes I have to to work at getting them to shut up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world….plus I can’t….I’ve tried…those bastards won’t get out!

Anyway, let’s get this started…first up…Dark Side.

Yeah…I ain’t doin’ introductions.  I kick ass, find awesome stuff to do, and try to keep the other retreads from talking too much when women are around.  The character of Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” was modeled after me….true story.

Check it, hookers!

It’s true.  You aren’t wanted.  That guy or girl that NEVER returns texts, calls or voicemails….yeah….they want you to run away.  Plus, if you’re awesome…like me…they don’t deserve a second thought…piss on them. 

I’m bored…and out.  Dark Side rules!

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Next up, Pathos…

Hey there, I’m Pathos.  I’m the passion and drive.  The hope and the light in this strange condo of craziness here in Ghost’s head.  The poet…the writer…the dreamer…

(Shut up already, and get on with it before you make us start ovulating, sock monkey!)

Dark Side is just so emotionally stunted sometimes.

Anyway, Ghost applied for a really great position inside of Giganticorp, and actually got an email back from the hiring manager saying that he has to wait until the closing date of the posting to review credentials and set interviews, but that he liked Ghost’s info.  We got our hopes up for this one!

Also, we found out that we’ll be moving to that lab job for sure on 3rd shift on June 18th!  Hello, Air Conditioning. Goodbye, sweaty, smelly, weirdly hazy factory floor!

Have had a few ladies chatting with us recently…

(They’re hollering at us, cause we’re dead sexy, and they want some Dark Side ‘forces’ applied to that ass!)

You’re such a cretin, Dark Side.  They’re interested in more than our ‘lightsaber’ skills, you wretch.

Anyway, in closing, Ghost has been struggling with this Myastenia Gravis pretty significantly.  Been hard to do much, other than get up, go to work, and sleep.  Ghost has been playing a lot of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 and watching Netflix. 

(Yeah, that bastard has gotten pretty good with that sniper rifle, and now that he unlocked that Thermal Scope, it just ain’t fair…my Force abilities and Nerdboy’s logic/strategery, and we be smoking some fools!!!)

(We seeeeeee you!  Sit your ass down, like our boy Subzero’s been telling you!!!)

You had your turn!  Stop interrupting me!!!!

Jackass!!! 

That’s about all I had.  Thanks for taking the time to read us.  We appreciate it.

(Fricking pansy!)

Sigh….

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This next guy is difficult to deal with…his name is Everto.  He represents the depressed, self loathing, self desctructive parts of Ghost….his inner demon…if you will.  Those parts damaged by the teasing and bullying as a child…the parts that never will believe they deserve anything good in life.  Most of the time….he just asks negatively charged questions….sort of mutters to himself.

(Yeah…Everto is a bit scarier than Peter Parker in a Black Spidey Suit.)

(Any Supernatural fans out there? Scary like this guy.)

Ever wonder if that part of you that’s capable of love can be broken…not like damaged and repaired, but destroyed?  Rendered useless.  Never get that ‘butterfly’ feeling in your stomach ever again? 

Ever lose control of yourself..not like your temper, but have your body stop responding to basic commands?  Every worry, every time you have a weird ache/pain/muscle spasm if you’re slowly crawling your way towards a wheel chair…or a coffin? Ever have trouble talking or swallowing…and worry that you’re not going to be anything but a vegetable…sitting in a corner in your own waste…just drooling on yourself…unable to do anything…but secretly be mentally sharp, and trapped inside of a body that doesn’t work…the most horrible prison ever imagined.

Don’t think I didn’t notice, Ghost.  When you swallow…that stuff…accidentally going down the wrong pipe…yeah…that HAS been happening a little more often hasn’t it?  Been sleeping an awful lot.  Not hearing the phone ring…sleeping through alarms…those muscle spasms in your left tricep and forearm that were actually moving the whole arm…not quite as cute as the weepy right eye or the hand tremors while you’re playing Call of Duty are they?

Harder to laugh that sh*t off, isn’t it?

How about those migraines?  You’re not supposed to be taking pain pills daily for them.  That double vision and the accompanying headaches are a b*tch aren’t they?  What are you going to do when you can’t bring your eyes to focus on that computer screen, huh?

Not like you can go back out in the shop and swing that sledge hammer now, can ya?

(The Knight says you’ve had enough time, demon.  You’re finished.)

********************************************************************

Next up, our resident nerd…Prodigy…the guy who started naming off all of the men who’ve played Batman in movies…who’s currently researching grad school programs and chasing his damn tail around his lab trying to come up with some conclusions.

(Dammit, Dark Side!  What happened to Prodigy’s picture?)

(***Side note explanation for Ghost’s mum… GTFO is short for Get The F*ck Out.)

“This entry cannot be completed as assigned, due to the constantly shifting variables concerning our future, and the difficulty in plotting a course when your destination is unknown and perpetually in motion.”

My apologies for the inconvenience this may have caused.

—Prodigy

********************************************************************

Bringing us home is the White Knight…Ghost’s resident defense mechanism and moral compass.  He works to keep us from straying too far from the course…avoid traps…in general…he’s our internal boy scout.

Gentlemen…seriously…we need to come up with a plan and execute here. 

We do not have a single area of our life under control, nor a plan for coping with the current issues at hand.

Dark Side…quit chasing women…put down the whiskey bottle, and get over here.

Pathos…(snap, snap)….get your heads out of the clouds and stop daydreaming…

Prodigy…Get out of the lab, put down the laptop…stop pacing, get over here and sit down.

Everto….get lost…we got this…if we need a tie breaking vote, we’ll toss a damn coin.

The rest of you…get the hell out of Ghost’s head…we got sh*t to do!

*******************************************************************

Hope your Hump Day is Happy! 

(Dammit Dark Side!..Oh, screw it.)

Ghost out…

Explaining the TheGhostLife…

Howdy Ghost fans,

First, trying to explain what goes on in my head is pointless….like a bag full of monkeys on LSD, playing Xbox, having an orgy, while doing physics experiments all at the same time…sh*t’s just all sorts of wrong up there.

However, for some of y’all, I thought I’d take a minute to describe the insanity that goes on here. Some rules to help you sort the information that y’all are receiving.

1) This is NOT a diary or journal.
-Sometimes I start writing something, and don’t like it. So it sits as a draft, until I decide to work on it again and “publish” it…(meaning, show it to you.) It may be something that I’m feeling/going through RIGHT at that moment, but it may be something that a friend of mine was talking to me about, or some sh*t I went through awhile ago…even years ago. If you feel the need to check up on me, do so. Don’t do so, because you read something here. This is not my conduit for help, a desperate plea for attention, or some secret glimpse into my head.

DO NOT READ THIS AND ATTEMPT TO USE THIS INFORMATION TO DETERMINE WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU.

Ask me. I’ll tell you.

Subpoint…don’t try to use this to determine how my dating life is going….or get some secret peek behind the scenes about how a date went. If I went out with you, again…ask me. Trying to determine whether or not we’re compatible or if I’m “digging” you, by breaking down what I’m writing will just frustrate you and usually lead you off the right track. (However, if you’re the kind of chick that is always trying to figure out what people are “really thinking” and not taking what they say at face value, you’re definitely the wrong chick for me.)

2) I am the only contributor to this blog. There aren’t more people who I employ/work with to generate this stuff. Ghost, The White Knight, Dark Side, Pathos, Prodigy, and Everto are all me. They’re kind of like different colored glasses. You put them on, and you see things differently. It’s still you, but you get a unique perspective on things. They’re all part of Ghost and the weirdness that is me.

Subpoint…Guestblogger Fridays, I will tell you that I’ve kidnapped someone, or straight up stole their blog and am republishing it. This is the only exception.

3) I have a condition called Myasthenia Gravis. It sucks. Basically, your immune system gets the idea that YOU are the bad guy….(which is partially right, because Dark Side and Everto put off definite Bad Guy particles.) But, what happens is this: the muscles that you control like your hands, eyes, mouth, arms, legs, etc… receive messages from your brain to move. Like little emails. Well, the little inboxes that get these messages from your brain, get attacked and damaged or destroyed by your immune system. So, the first time you do something the muscle does what it’s supposed to, but the more you do it, the more your body attacks these inboxes, and it gets more difficult to move that muscle, as the message isn’t getting through the way it should. What happens is a rapid fatiuge…meaning you get tired, real fast when you do repetitive sh*t.

The best part of this? It’s incurable….and it’s a process diagnosis. There are some tests that can confirm the presence of certain anti-bodies in your blood, but some people with the condition, never show up on the radar. To diagnose it, they have to rule everything else out, that LOOKS like it. When the doctors are completely done trying to figure it out….they’re like, Yep…that must be it….or like that one asshat…”You’ve just got stress…get better rest, eat better food, and it will go away.” Nice try retard. Everyone has stress. So, I’ve had MRIs, CT scans, Xrays, blood tests, these things where they hook up electrical currents to your muscles and stimulate them like a robot motor….

Treatment…Bahahahahahaha!!!! Yeah, they don’t have a f*cking clue what causes it…some theories, and some places on the web promise you a lot, but then you find out they’re selling supplements or other dietary aids, so they have a distinct interest in getting your belief in them….

I’ve researched this crap, and found pictures of people in wheelchairs, unable to hold their own heads up…people who walk to their mailbox in front of their house to get their mail, and that’s all they’re able to do for the day…it scares the hell out of me. I have four kids…I love to chase them, and do stuff with them. I don’t want them to be trying to change dad’s diapers because he can’t move while they’re trying to raise their kids.

Anyway, if you notice that I haven’t posted in a few days…this is probably why. I have good days and bad ones…lately more trying and difficult…but I’m a fighter, and I’ll go down swinging for sure.

4) I reserve the right to think, say, feel…whatever the hell I want. Feel free to present your side of the argument. I reserve the right to change my mind, or to keep my opinion. No hard feelings…if you can’t accept that, suck it.

That’s about it. If you have something specific you’d like to get my opinion on…or even better, you want to talk to one of my ‘other’ personalities, contact me:

Irish.Ghost28@gmail.com

Check me out on Facespace at http://www.facebook.com/TheGhostLife
or follow me on Twitzone @TheGhostLife

Peace out, Hookers!

Ghost out…

Guest Blogger Friday…Say Hello…to the Dark Side…

Howdy Ghost Fans…

Thought since I’d been getting these types of questions recently:

How many people help you write your blog?

Who is Pathos?  Who is Dark Side?

How do you organize all of the people who write for you?

I figured that I’d explain.

It’s all me.  Except sometimes on Fridays.  Then I’ll say, I kidnapped someone and am reblogging their material.

There are 5 different personalities that make up the Ghost….yep, 5 different voices that run around up between my ears.  They all have names: The White Knight, Dark Side, Prodigy, Pathos and Everto.

The White Knight is the good guy, the guy who plays by the rules. Dark Side is my inner bad boy…very into having a good time.  Prodigy is my inner nerd, who can sit an talk about programming hearing aids and corrective hearing loss algorithms, and carry on debates about the possibility of time travel and worm holes.  Pathos is my inner passion and sensitive guy…he pushes everyone…he’s the guy who believes in finding love.  Then….there’s Everto….the demon.  He’s the self-destructive asshole…mean, vicious….the inner self-doubt, the tormentor.

Well, I wrote introductory pieces for each of them awhile back…

Since today is May 4th, it’s appropriate on InterGalactic Star Wars Day to re-run Dark Side’s piece.

Enjoy.

Oh, Go watch The Avengers.  The future Mrs. Ghost plays a major role, and the movie just f*cking rocks.  The Hulk steals the damn show though.  Puny little god.

Ghost out…

Origins of the “Dark Side”….

(If you were too dumb to figure it out…click on the funny colored words right above for the story.)

Rainy Tuesday joy…

What’ up Ghost fans?

Well, I skipped yesterday, because I thought what I wrote sucked. Had a pretty interesting weekend. Worked the whole damn thing, but managed to hang out with a couple of friends. Wait til I get my crap together….TFG, I figured out what those gay guys did to the rice crispy treats that made them taste funny….(No, no that you disgusting freaks.) It was 3 Olives Cherry Vodka….those crafty gays….Martha Stewart’s got nothing on y’all.

Anyway, while I rewrite that stuff…enjoy this, courtesy of a Facespace post from my pal, The Human Slip and Slide:

Damn…that’s all I have to say about that.

I lied….DAYUMMMMMNNNNN!!!!!
God does good work….just saying.

Ghost out…