There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!! Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….
Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…
While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…
a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…
And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…
I f*cking love Star Wars…
Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice Boba F*cking Fett Mara Jade Skywalker
And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’
I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.
The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.
(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)
So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.
I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated. So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock. Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.
(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)
(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)
(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)
(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)
(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)
Ghost is a dad. It really is one of the few pure things in my life. Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)
I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this. Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard. It is liberating. Love it. Gliding down the mountain.
Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice. I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9. Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years. Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years. Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed. NOT a player.
2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant. He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail. He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance. He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him. So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.
3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t. Almost stupid smart about some things. He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels. It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage. So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass. Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong. If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.
4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving. When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose. But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.
Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.
Where do you think they got that sh*t from?
*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid. Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun. Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny. I’m smart. I’m loyal. Not bad looking either.
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)
I’m not really afraid of much. I HATE bugs. Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them. Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.
Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me. In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.
Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.
They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.
Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body. Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms. I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing. Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted. I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in. Come home, crash, start the cycle over.
This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded. Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press. Something I once did about 100 times in a row. I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover. I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs. I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams. I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning. Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning. Finished pitching the game. Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header. Never missed a day of work.
(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)
About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk. Seriously….it was bad. Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.
This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.
The heat sucks the life out of me. But the cold invigorates me. We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank. Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.
I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared. One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average. Which b*tch did I get?
So who the f*ck is Ghost?
Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t. A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up. A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.
That’s who the f*ck I am.