It’s Wednesday!..Whoop-de-Effing-doo…

Howdy Ghost fans…

I’m in a right foul mood.  It’s been awhile, but I’m beyond a little pissy.  It was hotter than hell last week.  At work the other night, a guy ran across the aisle and put a cup of ice water on the top of a fork truck….the driver saw it before he drove off, so no luck with the pranks, but the hotter it gets around here, the more these guys will try to entertain themselves at someone else’s expense.

With the break in the heat, I’m feeling a little less like roadkill today.  I don’t think that’s what is causing the rising tide of internal rage.  I’ve got a pretty good idea what’s up, but I’m going to have to be an adult and deal.

(Remember when throwing on some superhero underoos could make your day?  I wonder if they make them in man sizes?)

(Apparently, they’re making them in hottie sizes! Damn!!!)

And no, to that friend of mine who suggested that it had just been too long since I had gotten laid….it’s not that…(although it has been awhile for that as well.)

I almost wish I were like a mood ring with my “condition”.  Like I’d start to turn dark blue the worse that the Myasthenia Gravis was affecting me.  Then the people around me would know when to start backing the f*ck off.  The other great benefit to this would be as I started to look like a pissed off giant smurf, those people who question whether anything is wrong would f*cking get a clue.

(Ghost SMASH!!!!….then take really long nap…cause he gets very tired…very fast…MG sucks!)

Yeah, it’s been suggested that I’m bucking for sympathy or playing it up….if anything, I hide when it’s bothering me…I also detest being treated any differently, so I’ve just been gutting it out, finding ways to cope.  Mowed the grass and hung some blinds before work today.  My forearms and hands feel like painful stone blocks right now. The muscle spasms started in my left tricep and calf almost immediately after mowing when I sat down.  Ever hear of someone’s arms getting tired just typing 200 words?  From my fingertips to my biceps, I can feel every muscle as I force my fingers to extend out and hit each and every key….I can almost feel a tired “pull” up through my right bicep and up into my left shoulder a bit.  It’s fun…in that not very cool way.

Oh well.  F*ck MG, and f*ck those people. 

I had the LDoC Father’s day weekend, and I got this Halestorm covers CD at their show last winter.  Apparently, Axl Rose granted them permission to print a certain number, and the band thought they could reprint more, and his people refused to allow them to print more.  If you can find one, grab it.  It has a Skid Row, Lady Gaga, Temple of the Dog, Guns ‘N Roses, Heart and The Beatles.  Well, I play the first track, and ask my daughter if she knows who this is, and she screams, “Lizzy!!!!!!”.  She’s going into first grade, and we haven’t covered the whole, sometimes rock stars spell their names funny phenomenon.  So, LZZY, you definitely have a little new fan.

If you get the chance to see Halestorm, do it…LZZY is a tiny little thing, but she can wail.  Their drummer is a gag too.  He damn near juggles his drumsticks while playing….it’s pretty impressive.  Got to meet them after the show, and they’re legitimately nice people too.

(To their mother, I filter the content…we don’t listen to any questionable songs…no swears.  I promise.)

Anyway, been slacking this week.  Finally made the jump to the other building at work, but I have to be up for work at 5am…instead of my usual NOON wake up alarm….getting adjusted to the new schedule….I should get it down just in time to move to third shift!  F#$%$#%$# AWESOME!!!!!

It’s a good job, and I’m thankful….but a regular sleep schedule would be nice.

Anyway, I’m working on a couple pieces…might have one for you Friday.

Later, hookers.  To my buddy, VF, Ghost has a present for you the next time he sees you.

Til then…

I’m Ghost, and I’m out of here…

Somebody is getting their ass kicked!…

Well, f*ck.  I usually start with a title…and then run with it…but today will be a little different.

The inspiration for my post today was a tweet from one of my favorite pro wrestlers/actors yesterday.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (@TheRock) tweeted this yesterday:

“To some its Hump Day. To us, it’s Wednesday’s getting its ass kicked & Thursday just asked Friday to switch places. #TeamBringIt”

**********************************************************************

So, with a battle cry that I can get behind…here goes:

I’m pissed.  Angry.  Exhausted.  Sad.  Alone.  Hurting.

I’m sick.

Not just that call the significant other for a box of generic Dayquil caplets and that can of chicken dumpling stuff at Wally-Hell-Mart either.

The kind of sick that doesn’t go away.  The kind of sh*t where your doctor says, ‘There is no cure.’

The kind of sick that affects 3 to 30 out of 1,000,000 people…..(Ghost you f*cking lucky bastard! You always were good at bucking the odds.)

(Given where I live….No, you f*ckers…it isn’t an STD.  You insensitive pricks.)

I have a condition called Myasthenia Gravis….or MG….

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/myasthenia_gravis/detail_myasthenia_gravis.htm

(How’s this for some real sciency sh*t, for you?)

(Agreed, very slim female!  F*ck MG!!!)

It’s an auto-immune disorder…basically, my body is attacking itself.  The nerve receptors for my skeletal or ‘voluntary’ muscles are affected.  So heart and other vital organ function is basically fine.  Just any action that I WANT to do gets really hard.

It’s usually only fatal when the chest wall muscles are affected…which presently…mine are not.

However, I’ve been informed that it’s chronic, meaning it will come back after long periods of being symptom free, and that it’s progressive.  What starts out quite isolated…in either the face or a neck muscle, can become generalized and in some folks…fatal.

(Ghost you mutherf*ckin’ ray o’ sunshine today!)

Well, F*CK you!!!  I’m not feeling all ‘sunshine, kitties and cotton candy’ today. I feel like Lewis Black F-bombs, Denis Leary rants and smashing liquor bottles against a brick wall with every ounce of my strength….or basically hurling two of them, and then having my arm hurt so damn bad that I want to cut it off.

The more I use the muscle, the faster it gets tired.  Walking up stairs will wind me.  Typing on the keyboard will cause a muscle spasm or tremor after about 5 minutes…or I’ll get twitchy, unsure keystrokes and have to use the backspace key a lot…

It’s played hell with my ability to work out.  I’m always tired, so knowing when to “push through the pain/fatigue” and when to actually stop is tough.

(Ghost is it possible you’re just out of shape?)

Oh, I know that I’m a little out of shape.  But, ask the people that I played softball with last year…or the guys I’ve played semi-pro football with the last three years.  I’m an athlete.  I used to run down the field on kickoffs, being one of the first guys down and cause hell with the blockers.  I played a softball game last year with a torn calf muscle.  Sat out one week…wrapped the thing up and kept playing….about four games later, playing the outfield….I sprinted in from left-center field and caught a sinking liner, and in one motion, fired the ball to first nearly doubling up the runner at first.  The guy would have been out too, but our first baseman wasn’t expecting the throw and wasn’t on the bag.

No, this is more than Ghost being a little extra fluffy.  This shit is more….and I’ve been ignoring it.

See, I first dealt with this sh*t back in 2004.  I ran the gauntlet on testing, bloodwork, eye exams, MRI and x-rays….to have the neurologist tell me….it’s just stress.

I looked at this prick and said, I worked 50+ hour weeks, helped care for a new baby, and carried 16-18 hours at college the last two years.  I’m kicking ass at work, I graduated, and own a home now.  School is over, my kid is using the crapper and sleeping through the night…I’ve experienced a tremendous drop in stress.  Sorry doc.

Well, I did a couple rounds with steroid treatments…and felt a hell of a lot better.  I ended up changing jobs.  Started working 40 hour weeks, and my symptoms faded…really about all that was noticeable…was a slight droop in my right eyelid.

(It’s progressive, so it’s worse late in the day…but this is about how my right eyelid starts out each day.)

Well….about a year ago…I moved to third shift….Three months after that, I started seeing ########.  About two months after that, I started noticing the symptoms….eyesight getting crappy…(double vision is common with this disorder, as the eye muscles get fatigued holding focus), she was complaining about too much spit in my kisses…(the right side of my face is affected…giving me a just been to the dentist office droop on the right corner of my mouth…from time to time, I’ll wipe it and it’ll be moist.)…..

It had been so long….I just couldn’t see it.

It’s been progressively getting worse.  I noticed it in December as I started a much less physically demanding job, but was getting MORE tired.  I blamed it on the bounce from third to first and then to second shift.

For nine months, I routinely blasted steel parts with a sledge hammer.  The people I worked with knew what parts I was working with based on the duration of hammering, and number of f-bombs flying.  I earned the old-timers respect by refusing to just send the part out to salvage to have them cut it out with a torch and start over, but doing it “old school” and banging that piece into shape.

This is not the body of someone who gets tired walking up stairs.

I know that she isn’t talking to me…but tell ######## that I didn’t know….I’m sure it was affecting my attitude and behaviors…being tired for no real damn reason has made me a little erratic and irritable, I’ve noticed…I’m sorry.

I’m f*cking scared.  This MG crap has a laundry list of ‘possible’ causes, but even the doctors who I’ve seen say, “We don’t really know what causes it.”

Some people test positive for certain markers using blood tests, some people have certain measurable muscle responses, while others do not.  Some people have tumors on the Thymus gland…some go symptom free after having it removed….while others experience a relapse of symptoms within a year following the surgery.

F*ck me.

(So, let me get this straight?  They aren’t sure what causes it.  Aren’t sure how to treat it….Weekly blood transfusions are one of the prescribed more aggressive plans….Sounds like some medieval ‘get the bad blood out’ type of sh*t to me.)

I have only told a couple of people.  So, now I’m putting it out there.  I don’t think I’ll tattoo it on my forehead, or wear special letters sewn onto my clothing.  I’m not sure why I didn’t want to tell anyone…I guess, I didn’t want people treating me differently.  I don’t ever want to have my workload lightened because I’m “sick”.  I certainly don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.

But, I know that I’m gonna need help to deal with this.  So, I guess I’m letting my friends know why I’m turning down invites to events and not hanging out like I used to.

I can’t give it to anyone…basically…my body hates itself.  Which is sort of ironic…because I’ve always said there was no punishment that anyone could give to me that would ever top what I would do to myself…Damn…it sucks being right.

The symptoms are a lot worse this time, and I’m f*cking scared.  If I get through this, is it gonna come back in 4 years….8 years…12?  But be even worse?  F*ck.  I can’t imagine having to take a break, halfway up the stairs.  Son of a b*tch.

Well, I’m not gonna borrow trouble from tomorrow. I’ve got enough sh*t to deal with today.

First step…attitude.

F*ck MG.  I’m gonna whip it’s ass.

Second…Whip MG’s ass.

Well, got the game plan…time to execute.

‘Til next time, Ghost fans….

Ghost out…