7.2.2012….DarkSide’s Take on Mondays…

What’s up, hookers?

DarkSide here.  Tired.  Hot…DAMN is it hot!!!

(That one’s for you, Subzero! HOT DAMN!!!)

Anyway, Mondays…Ghost you suck…seriously?  Why am I getting a writing assignment?  You want me to write about Mondays, here goes:

This particular Monday sucks because:
1) DarkSide can’t remember the last time we got drunk/nekkid and caused trouble.
     +          =    

                   Broads                                                                         Booze                                                             Pleased DarkSide

I’m not sure what conspiracy that the Knight and Pathos are cooking up, but keeping Ghost away from the Ladies and Liquor is killing us!!!!  Just go out and be a “little bad”….Please? Don’t make me MindTrick Prodigy and get Everto on board to go out hunting down rebel “spies” to “interrogate”.
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2) New job the past two weeks.  What really sucks is that I’ve been bouncing between shifts, and will make a second to first to third swing over about 4 weeks….I’m taking a lot of naps…however…being able to get into the office for extended periods and OUT of the damn heat is mighty fine!  Working on the Death Star can be rough, but being able to get away from the heat from the reactors makes the day go much faster.

(Many offices in the Death Star have amazing views…just be careful to not fall out the window!)

(I was, uhh…just checking the construction progress and craftsmanship…uhmmm…..)
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3)  Did I mention it was f*cking hot???
I need to get to the pool!!!!

(This would work!)

(Not initially what I had in mind, but hey….this would work just fine too!)
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4)  Entirely f*cking sick of politcal commercials and the endless nonsense on FaceSpace….
Bottom line…Republicans AND Democrats are the problem.  They both sell us out…just to different special interests.  Is Healthcare for everyone a good idea?  Of course.  But here in the good ole U. S. of A….we’re f*cking broke!  We have failing public schools, our elderly who depend on Medicare and Social Security are looking at floundering government programs, so now we’re trying to start up ANOTHER ONE????  One that adds not a single nurse, doctor, etc…but adds a reported 16,000 I.R.S. agents?

Ok, Obamacrats…tell me what flavor Kool-aid I have to drink for THAT to make sense?

(The Empire health plan is MUCH better…we just clone more troops…no healthcare necessary!)
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5) The White Knight snores, Everto mutters to himself all hours of the day, Prodigy leaves notebooks, pens, and science crap everywhere, and Pathos has been skipping around composing some love poetry or some nonsense all day…Why can’t a dictator get some good old fashioned debauchery accomplished in peace?

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There, suck it, Ghost.  Just so you know…I am beginning to plan a coup to restore the DarkSide Agenda…there have been far too few questionable decisions made on booze lately!!!  The people demand satisfaction…well, DarkSide does anyway…and that’s what matters!!!

Later, Hookers.
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Ghost out…

Ghost Radio…Summertime edition…

What’s happening, Ghostfans?

DJ DarkSide here, hitting you with some of Ghost’s favorite summer jams…
Don’t know about y’all, but it’s been pretty damn hot here, and all I can think about is chilling poolside with an adult beverage and looking at the bikinis….anyone else?

(Yes, yes, and Hell Yes!!!!  That last one is an oldie, but that’s what a real woman should look like.  No ribs visible…you get that, you skinny little skeleton b*tches?)

Song number one goes back a little bit for me…a back in high school jam, but a classic if you ask this Ghost:

Riding around in your Jeep or your Benzos….nope…just the Jeep for this Ghost.     ;-)
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The next one flashes forward a bit and I remember hitting pretty big when I was in college:

Never been a part of Summertime in the LBC, but Snoop Highly recommends it!
                                                     
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Now, if you’ve been following Ghost at all, you know that he listens to a lot of different music…but Country is his least favorite…seriously, Ghost used to write 20 page papers in college listening to Tchaichovsky and The NutCracker Suite…so, Country is really down there a bit…but this next guy is angling to be this generation’s Jimmy Buffet….if there isn’t a Kenny Themed Island resort in the next decade, I’d be surprised.

But anyway, here you go, some Country music from the Ghost…love that Yoohoo in the glass bottle..to my friends going on float trip next month, this one’s for you!

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Shifting back to my high school days, I think one of the reasons that rap music used to be a lot better is because of things like this video.  These guys came from neighborhoods that I could recognize.  These are places that “real” people might live.  Rap today is all about whips and cribs and cash….stupid amounts of cash.  I understand being pissed off that your neighborhood seems like a black hole that you aren’t ever going to escape.  I understand that rage and anger, and the party in this video…where the entire fridge is filled with 40′s…yeah, been places like that…Never seen a bottle of Cristal.  So here you go…..A little Dre to brighten your day:

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Wrapping us up, we’re digging back a bit.  This cat left his rock group and definitely didn’t do much afterwards.  This remake is one of about three tolerable songs during his solo period.  Now, Ghost doesn’t play favorites….but his favorite girls have always been Midwest/Mountain State girls…Ghost’ll have to get out to the coasts a bit more before he renders a verdict, but this song definitely picks a favorite place to pick up chicks:
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Well, y’all.  Enjoy your summer, cause pretty soon you know you’ll be b*tching about scraping windows and the white stuff.

      +           =    

Ghost out…

Who The F*ck is Ghost?…

Howdy Ghostfans…

There seems to be some confusion about some details of the Ghost’s life…..so, I figured that I’d set out to clear my good name…..Bahahahahahahaha!!!!  Alright, alright….just to clarify what shenanigans I’m willing to claim….and present an admittedly one-sided and completely biased picture of myself….as fairly and unadulterated as possible….ok….I’m pretty sure that I’m pretty thoroughly adulterated, so scratch that last part….

Anyway, I’m a Browns fan…who drinks tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks when his friends want to go…

While I’m at it, I also am a Redbird fan…

a Washington Capitals Hockey fan…

And ever since that Goofy Charles Barkley got traded from the Sixers, I’ve been a Phoenix Suns fan…

I f*cking love Star Wars…

Starkiller, Vader’s Secret Apprentice               Boba F*cking Fett                                     Mara Jade Skywalker

And not just the new movie kind of fan…The first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre was Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.  I’ve always been the Han Solo/Rogue/Charming/Ornery type of character, but watching Darth Vader catch those blaster bolts with his palm….this five year old was thinking, ‘Holy Sh*t!!!’ 

I love the Star Wars backstory, the future stories….My favorites include: Starkiller… Darth Vader’s secret apprentice who is responsible for kickstarting the Rebellion, Mara Jade Skywalker…The former secret assassin of The Emperor (a.k.a. The Emperor’s Hand) and wife of Luke Skywalker…(Bet most of y’all had no idea that Luke got married to a lanky redhead, did ya?)….and of course…”The Man” Boba Fett…if I have to introduce him, you are truly hopeless.

The PS2 game Star Wars:Bounty Hunter with the story of how Jango Fett got picked to be the clone for all of the Storm Troopers, and how he came to be in possession of that badass ship, Slave 1.

(Slave 1 gives the ‘Falcon a run for it’s money as most famous ship with a name in all of NerdDom.)

So yeah…growing up…this Ghost was a nerd, bookworm, mama’s boy, RPG playing, video game loving geek.

I woke up one morning about age 13, and bam, was coordinated.  So, this nerd literally went to bed and woke up a jock.  Until this past year, I played semi-pro football.

(I’m on the right….threw off two blockers to get my hands on that guy…slippery one he was…)

(Been known to hunt drunk zombies with nerf guns…they look worried…)

(Been known to kick it with the local roller derby chicks….and “meditate” on St. Pat’s!)

(Yep…this pretty much sums up my political leanings.)

(Overlooking the incorrect apostrophe usage, this about sums up my feelings about my little princess.)

Ghost is a dad.  It really is one of the few pure things in my life.  Love those four…aka The Little Demons of Chaos…even though Spectre turns 15 this fall, and is nearly 6 foot tall…..)

I love my Jeeps, and driving through crap like this.  Love the snow, and even though I haven’t been in a long time….I love to snowboard.  It is liberating.  Love it.  Gliding down the mountain. 

Common Ghost Myths:
1) Ghost is a player.
I have been married twice.  I was with the Dingbat for 7 years, and SheWhoMustNotBeNamed for almost 9.  Since age 16, I’ve been single for about 4 years.  Throw in 4 relationships of 3-6 months in there, and this guy has only been on the free market for about 2.5 years.  Ghost can also name First and Last names for every lass with which he’s shared a bed.  NOT a player.

2) Ghost is arrogant.
Ghost is self-reliant.  He’d rather screw something up and suffer the wrath than ask for assistance and get told no, or have someone promise to help and then bail.  He also projects a higher then actual confidence level, also to keep people at a distance.  He wants no help, because it’s just another way to let him down and hurt him.  So, while you’re thinking he’s a cocky ass….he’s actually just been hurt a lot and tends to keep his distance.

3) Ghost is a know-it-all.
Ghost knows a lot of sh*t.  Almost stupid smart about some things.  He learns languages like most people learn their cable channels.  It’s a gift/curse, and most of his friends…even some of his enemies try to use it to their advantage.  So, this one might be true to a point, Ghost isn’t thinking that he’s better than you though…and if he corrects you, it’s because he doesn’t want you sounding like a dumbass.  Ghost also acknowledges when he’s wrong.  If you think he’s misinformed, prove it….don’t just pout and piss and moan behind his back.

4) Ghost is a carefree, party machine.
First, if you’ve seen the St. Pat’s pics….looks can be deceiving.  When it’s time to unwind…Ghost gets loose.  But, the rest of the time, his brain never stops working on problems or solutions for his/family’s/friend’s issues.

Important Ghost details:
Ghost gives 900 chances…just like the Spectre.
Ghost loves big….just like the Jedi Starfighter Pilot.
Ghost looks out for everyone he loves….just like the Princess.
Ghost will kick your f*cking ass if you hurt his loved ones….just like the Demon Sh*t From Hell.

Where do you think they got that sh*t from?

*I hate saying no.
*I always try to help.
*Even if you pretend like I don’t exist, I still worry and care about you.
*I have a really hard time telling a woman no, who is coming on strong….especially if she’s a ginger…
*I feel like a dirty slut if I sleep with someone who I’m not involved with emotionally.
*I encourage my kids to aggressively combat bullying…literally.
(Show up at my door to b*tch at me about my kid whipping your kid’s ass…you’ve been warned.)
*I believe and work at following the teachings of Jesus Christ….I’m working on it.
*I have tattoos with deep personal/spiritual meaning.
*I randomly holler out the words ‘Whore’ and ‘Hookers’…makes the nearly 15 year old snicker.
*I invented a song called ‘Hookers and Beer’.
*I invented the saying:
“You’re a kid.  Your job is to Eat, Sleep, Grow and Have Fun.  Quit worrying about anything else.”
*I also invented this saying:
“If I get a call from the school, the cops or some girl’s parents because your grades are slipping, you’ve gotten arrested or someone is pregnant, I’m putting on my work boots, stomping through the nastiest sh*t that I can find, and putting them so far up your ass that you’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom? Any questions?”
*I shave my head because I’m going bald, and look better this way…plus it’s seriously much cooler!
*I play Dungeons & Dragons and listen to heavy metal, and do NOT worship Satan.
*I like both of my Father Outlaws…(when you’re married their In-laws, so divorced…you get the picture…)
*I make lifelong friends everyday….made one about a year ago named Subzero…like I’ve known him my whole life.
*I’m funny.  I’m smart.  I’m loyal.  Not bad looking either.  
(The dimple, the crooked grin and the eyes usually get the job done.)

I’m not really afraid of much.  I HATE bugs.  Like an OCD thing…if I see them…I kill them.  Zero tolerance for spiders on my ceiling.

Recently, an old ailment has been troubling me.  In 2004, it was chalked up to stress.

Looking back, I can see it at work over the last year or so.

And now…I’m f*cking scared….of some letters:
MG and ALS.

They have similar symptoms….one is manageable…the other puts you in the grave….after taking your ability to move, talk, eat…but leaving you with your entire mental faculties…so you watch slowly as the door gets shut on your prison cell…then you die.

Daily, I experience muscle spasms in various parts of my body.  Typing this has been a real b*tch. My hands keep trying to curl up towards my palms.  I routinely sleep 8-10 hours straight….like the dead. Never hear a thing.  Wake up to several missed calls. I am utterly exhausted.  I’ll eat a bowl of cereal and go back to bed. Get up about an hour before work….shower and head in.  Come home, crash, start the cycle over.

This past winter I watched as my ability to lift weights eroded.  Eventually struggling to put up 135 lbs on the bench press.  Something I once did about 100 times in a row.  I do this modified routine with 15 lb dumbells that takes about 20 mins…and then I sleep for about 4 hours to recover.  I’m 6’1 and 220 lbs.  I wear 34 inch waisted jeans with 36 inch inseams.  I’m a little fluffy about the midsection, but I was in great shape….and now, I get winded going up a flight of stairs. My chest and biceps are slowly shrinking/thinning.  Last summer pitching slow-pitch softball for the local roller derby girls, I tore my left calf muscle rounding first base…I was digging in to get a triple, but ended up hopping and stumbling into second base…this was like the second inning.  Finished pitching the game.  Drank about 6 beers and got a vicodin from one of those lovely ladies and pitched the second game of a double header.  Never missed a day of work. 

(Sexy pics of the torn calf muscle and the resulting bruises.)

About 18 months ago, I worked a solid week at work with a 103 temp, double pneumonia so bad that I was coughing up blood that looked like red Kool-aid, and my lung function was so poor that when I’d drink the Robitussin to stop coughing, that I’d get drunk.  Seriously….it was bad.  Never missed a shift and worked about 10 hours over that week.

This guy isn’t a wimp and usually downplays the hurt and injuries.

The heat sucks the life out of me.  But the cold invigorates me.  We had a dip about a week ago where temps fell back into the 50′s and I had more juice in the tank.  Now…it’s all I can do to make it through the 2 hour spans at work between breaks.

I have some doctor’s appointments set up…but I’m truly f*cking scared.  One will give me grief for a long time…kind of like a nagging wife that slowly sucks the life out of you….the other, puts you in the dirt in about 3-5 years on average.  Which b*tch did I get?

So who the f*ck is Ghost? 

Someone who gets up and pushes through sh*t.  A guy who refuses to f*cking quit or give up.  A man who will fight til his last step, thought, breath.

That’s who the f*ck I am.

Ghost out…

Now Accepting Applications….

Howdy Ghostfans…

Summer…hot…sun…humid…F*ck that.

Alright…Summer isn’t all that bad…It would be a lot better if I worked at a resort in Maui, instead of a place like this:

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It also happens to be the desert in between Ghost’s two favorite events…there are two big holidays on Ghost’s calendar:

St. Ghost’s Day (a.k.a. St. Pat’s) and Halloween

      AND     

How can you go wrong on either of these great days?

Anyway….

Ghost wanted to do THIS costume last year BAD!!!!!

The girlfriend at the time runs with a group of girls that call themselves “The Kittens”, but she absolutely refused to go as Catwoman.  WTF, right?!?

Well, ladies.  Ghost is single and accepting applications for his Catwoman this year.  If you think you’ve got the figure and ‘Cat-itude’…hit me up.

I’d also consider doing this one:

Now that I’m thinking about it…Joker and Harley would be pretty damn cool too!

Given the new Harley Quinn’s revenge DLC for the game that just dropped, what do you think about this:

Batman and Harley?  Any thoughts???

Only Hot, Nerdy chicks need apply…If you can’t tell me the “Contra” code without Googling it…forget it.

If your favorite Star Wars movie isn’t nearly 30-35 years old, if you don’t know how to get extra lives on the original Super Mario Brothers game, or if you’re only into Just Dance on the Wii…just save us both some time.

Ghost out…
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Follow more Ghost insanity on Facespace at www.facebook.com/TheGhostLife

Twitzone is @TheGhostLife

Email my crazy ass at irish.ghost28@gmail.com

PS3 is Irish_Ghost28

Smokin’ In The Boys Room…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Random midweek sh*t falling out of my head today…

Decided to give each one of the five voices running around up between my ears a chance to sound off today….I’ll make them do a quick introduction so you new peeps can know what the hell is going on…

(Did he just say he has ‘voices’ inside his head?)

Yep…doesn’t everyone?  No?  Huh…don’t you get lonely then?  Sometimes I have to to work at getting them to shut up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world….plus I can’t….I’ve tried…those bastards won’t get out!

Anyway, let’s get this started…first up…Dark Side.

Yeah…I ain’t doin’ introductions.  I kick ass, find awesome stuff to do, and try to keep the other retreads from talking too much when women are around.  The character of Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” was modeled after me….true story.

Check it, hookers!

It’s true.  You aren’t wanted.  That guy or girl that NEVER returns texts, calls or voicemails….yeah….they want you to run away.  Plus, if you’re awesome…like me…they don’t deserve a second thought…piss on them. 

I’m bored…and out.  Dark Side rules!

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Next up, Pathos…

Hey there, I’m Pathos.  I’m the passion and drive.  The hope and the light in this strange condo of craziness here in Ghost’s head.  The poet…the writer…the dreamer…

(Shut up already, and get on with it before you make us start ovulating, sock monkey!)

Dark Side is just so emotionally stunted sometimes.

Anyway, Ghost applied for a really great position inside of Giganticorp, and actually got an email back from the hiring manager saying that he has to wait until the closing date of the posting to review credentials and set interviews, but that he liked Ghost’s info.  We got our hopes up for this one!

Also, we found out that we’ll be moving to that lab job for sure on 3rd shift on June 18th!  Hello, Air Conditioning. Goodbye, sweaty, smelly, weirdly hazy factory floor!

Have had a few ladies chatting with us recently…

(They’re hollering at us, cause we’re dead sexy, and they want some Dark Side ‘forces’ applied to that ass!)

You’re such a cretin, Dark Side.  They’re interested in more than our ‘lightsaber’ skills, you wretch.

Anyway, in closing, Ghost has been struggling with this Myastenia Gravis pretty significantly.  Been hard to do much, other than get up, go to work, and sleep.  Ghost has been playing a lot of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 and watching Netflix. 

(Yeah, that bastard has gotten pretty good with that sniper rifle, and now that he unlocked that Thermal Scope, it just ain’t fair…my Force abilities and Nerdboy’s logic/strategery, and we be smoking some fools!!!)

(We seeeeeee you!  Sit your ass down, like our boy Subzero’s been telling you!!!)

You had your turn!  Stop interrupting me!!!!

Jackass!!! 

That’s about all I had.  Thanks for taking the time to read us.  We appreciate it.

(Fricking pansy!)

Sigh….

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This next guy is difficult to deal with…his name is Everto.  He represents the depressed, self loathing, self desctructive parts of Ghost….his inner demon…if you will.  Those parts damaged by the teasing and bullying as a child…the parts that never will believe they deserve anything good in life.  Most of the time….he just asks negatively charged questions….sort of mutters to himself.

(Yeah…Everto is a bit scarier than Peter Parker in a Black Spidey Suit.)

(Any Supernatural fans out there? Scary like this guy.)

Ever wonder if that part of you that’s capable of love can be broken…not like damaged and repaired, but destroyed?  Rendered useless.  Never get that ‘butterfly’ feeling in your stomach ever again? 

Ever lose control of yourself..not like your temper, but have your body stop responding to basic commands?  Every worry, every time you have a weird ache/pain/muscle spasm if you’re slowly crawling your way towards a wheel chair…or a coffin? Ever have trouble talking or swallowing…and worry that you’re not going to be anything but a vegetable…sitting in a corner in your own waste…just drooling on yourself…unable to do anything…but secretly be mentally sharp, and trapped inside of a body that doesn’t work…the most horrible prison ever imagined.

Don’t think I didn’t notice, Ghost.  When you swallow…that stuff…accidentally going down the wrong pipe…yeah…that HAS been happening a little more often hasn’t it?  Been sleeping an awful lot.  Not hearing the phone ring…sleeping through alarms…those muscle spasms in your left tricep and forearm that were actually moving the whole arm…not quite as cute as the weepy right eye or the hand tremors while you’re playing Call of Duty are they?

Harder to laugh that sh*t off, isn’t it?

How about those migraines?  You’re not supposed to be taking pain pills daily for them.  That double vision and the accompanying headaches are a b*tch aren’t they?  What are you going to do when you can’t bring your eyes to focus on that computer screen, huh?

Not like you can go back out in the shop and swing that sledge hammer now, can ya?

(The Knight says you’ve had enough time, demon.  You’re finished.)

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Next up, our resident nerd…Prodigy…the guy who started naming off all of the men who’ve played Batman in movies…who’s currently researching grad school programs and chasing his damn tail around his lab trying to come up with some conclusions.

(Dammit, Dark Side!  What happened to Prodigy’s picture?)

(***Side note explanation for Ghost’s mum… GTFO is short for Get The F*ck Out.)

“This entry cannot be completed as assigned, due to the constantly shifting variables concerning our future, and the difficulty in plotting a course when your destination is unknown and perpetually in motion.”

My apologies for the inconvenience this may have caused.

—Prodigy

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Bringing us home is the White Knight…Ghost’s resident defense mechanism and moral compass.  He works to keep us from straying too far from the course…avoid traps…in general…he’s our internal boy scout.

Gentlemen…seriously…we need to come up with a plan and execute here. 

We do not have a single area of our life under control, nor a plan for coping with the current issues at hand.

Dark Side…quit chasing women…put down the whiskey bottle, and get over here.

Pathos…(snap, snap)….get your heads out of the clouds and stop daydreaming…

Prodigy…Get out of the lab, put down the laptop…stop pacing, get over here and sit down.

Everto….get lost…we got this…if we need a tie breaking vote, we’ll toss a damn coin.

The rest of you…get the hell out of Ghost’s head…we got sh*t to do!

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Hope your Hump Day is Happy! 

(Dammit Dark Side!..Oh, screw it.)

Ghost out…

Have you ever…the Dark Side edition…

What’s up, b*tches?

Dark Side here…stealing back the keyboard from the crybaby…I figured we needed to redeem our manhood with a little Dark Side spin on yesterday’s emotional twaddle…so here goes:

Have you ever told someone to ‘Go f*ck themselves’ via text and then forgot that you did…because they matter that little?

Have you ever used the Force to toss a Stormtrooper out the window…just cause you could?

Have you ever looked someone in the eye…knew they were into you..and smirked..cause you knew, that they knew…that you ‘had’ them?

Have you ever bought a girl a drink…and stole it right back minutes later? (What up, Leathernutz?)

Have you ever rocked someone’s world…but then couldn’t tell anyone…because they were an exes’ best friend/sister/cousin/acquaintance?

Have you ever flirted with someone…who was WAY out of your damn league…but got their number anyway?

Ever wanted to just smack someone for saying something dumb?

Ever actually done it?

Ever thought that someone was the dumbest person ever….but then heard them say something else that confirmed it?

Ever throw your boss off a balcony to their death?

Ever told someone that you weren’t wanting to date seriously, but have them beg you to come over to have sex with them?

Ever go?

Ever tried to list the people that you’ve had sex with and called somebody, ‘That brunette..at that bar’?

Ever write a blog about the crazy crap that’s happened to you?

Ever told the God’s honest truth…and still have people doubt you…and then have that really hot chick you hooked up with confirm the story in front of your crew?

Ever honestly told your boys that you didn’t do anything with a girl…and have them not believe you?

Ever have an exes’ new person consistently swear they were still sleeping with you?

Ever had to have a conversation with your 14 year old about ‘manscaping’? (DON’T USE THE LIGHTSABER, LD!!!)

Ever have a girl tell you that she wants to have your babies…in the middle of sex…so you get up and leave?

Ever wonder how dumb the average human being actually is?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

Dark Side rules!!!

Ghost out…

Guest blogger Friday! April 20, 2012 edition

What’s up, f*ckers? (Channeling my Steve Stiffler from the American Pie movies.)

Hey Cub fans…here’s what you have to  brag about at this very moment:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
St. Louis	9	4	.692	-	4-2	5-2	73	42	+31	Lost 1	7-3	73.9
Milwaukee	6	7	.462	3	3-3	3-4	54	67	-13	Lost 1	5-5	39.7
Pittsburgh	5	7	.417	3.5	2-1	3-6	26	35	-9	Won 2	4-6	7.4
Cincinnati	5	8	.385	4	3-3	2-5	39	56	-17	Won 1	3-7	14.2
Houston	4	8	.333	4.5	3-3	1-5	46	49	-3	Lost 4	3-7	6.1
Chicago Cubs	3	10	.231	6	2-5	1-5	46	67	-21	Lost 5	2-8	8.9

Yep…Didn’t even make it to May and your asses are in the basement…Bahahahahahaha!!!!!

Where did you all go?  You were so vocal about the ring presentation in St. Louis. 

Crickets…..crickets….

Oh well…as you know, Ghost takes Friday’s off to play video games and chase women…or run from women chasing him…however it’s working that day…

Anyway, here’s a woman’s take on strip clubs…given that I used to date a “dancer”, I found this take remarkably uncontroversial…and at the same time…humanized the “strippers”.  Having spent time with “dancers” while they’re not at work…I can attest…some of them actually are quite interesting people.

Without further ado…I give you 21st Century and her take on strip clubs:

http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/6-things-you-dont-know-about-strip-clubs/

Have fun this weekend b*tches!

Ghost has been invited to work security for roller derby, go to beerfest, and has a couple of ladies trying to catch the Ghost for what he can only assume is branding and then getting locked in a corral.  Oh yeah..and then he’s working Sunday again.

Should be some interesting stories this weekend anyway.

Ghost out…

What does Ghost want to be when he grows up?…

Howdy Ghost Fans,

First order of business….The Succubus dislikes her nickname…so, she’s being renamed.

This is permanent…and irrevocable…(unless I think of something that I find more humorous, or that pisses her off even more.)

From here going forward, she will now be known as:

She Who Must Not Be Named…or SWMNBN.

My oldest was a huge Harry Potter fan.  I managed to plan a family vacation one year and didn’t realize that the midnight release of the “Half Blood Prince” was going to happen while we were out of town.  I called the local Borders near the hotel, and the manager slipped me a bogus number in line, AND gave me one of the special Harry Potter boxes that they receive the books in.  I tore some resume paper and tied it with a red ribbon and wrote him a note from Harry Potter and set the box out on our balcony.

When he woke up, I told him an owl dropped it off.  He was pretty geeked about it.

(Go shop at Borders.  They take care of their customers. )

So anyway, she gets her nickname from the main evil character in the Harry Potter series.

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Next order of business….I am truly losing my ever-loving mind.

Subzero is my boy…and when I’m worried that I’m slipping a belt, I usually chat with him.  Our text convo went sort of like this:

Subzero- What’s up, Manwhore?

Ghost – Well, I have a few ladies hollering at me, I’m sitting at work making double-time…and there is almost no work to be done, my kids are awesome…can’t really complain.

SZ- That’s cool. Ghost is the man with the ladies…Haha.

Ghost- I’m feeling the need to do something stupid..or just hide for like three weeks at home and play video games.

SZ- Lmao…do both.

Ghost- I really think I’m losing my damn mind..like EXTRA Ain’t Right.

SZ- Haha

(Not exactly what I was looking for, but it made me feel better….it really isn’t advisable to encourage me to do something stupid….Dark Side and Pathos are cooking something up….it could be amazing….could be stupendously idiotic…)

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Prodigy: This work, school, whole “do something with your life” is a real conundrum.

Knight: Yes, do we do something honorable/noble…do we search out our “calling” as intended by our creator?

Prodigy: Or do we research job fields that we hold talent in that have excellent employment opportunities emerging?  Do we go back to school to get a special certification or retrain to do something completely different?

Knight: We can’t let the Emotional One decide…and letting Dark Side plan our future is like putting a drug addict in charge of guarding the pharmacy…

Prodigy:  How do we decide?  We have a good job, but we really aren’t being challenged.  We could be earning so much more doing something else…or doing something we love to do…or something we’re good at….or something we’re good at AND love to do….or something that just pays us A LOT OF MONEY THAT WE HATE…OR…OR…OR….

Dark Side (Sliding in, cuffs Prodigy in the back of the head): Go sit down nerd…before you have a melt down.

Prodigy wanders off muttering to himself…

Pathos: Well, I think we should…

(Interrupting, Dark Side and the White Knight both say simultaneously) WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO!!!

Dark Side: (Sarcastically)Follow our heart…to our calling!

Knight: The problem is friend…there are five of us up here…we’re all good at different things…enjoy different things, WANT different things….selecting the ONE path for all of us is difficult.

Dark Side: Throw in this whole “One woman at a time” policy that Ghost makes us adhere to, and now we’re forced to try to pick out a career path AND settle on a broad!

Pathos:  It really is difficult…there are so many choices.  If we settle for one now, what if we meet someone in a couple of weeks?  What if we wait too long, and lose out one something with someone now?  What if…what if…what if….

Dark Side: (Smacking Pathos in the back of the head) Go sit down, Romeo….before you get your tights wadded up in a bunch.

Pathos wanders off muttering to himself.

Knight: We have to keep our wits about us…lest that foul git Everto strike again.

Dark Side: I know.  We have got to get a f*cking plan in place though.  Those two are going to wind themselves up until they pop.  You got any ideas how to sort this out?

Knight: Not at the present, my shadowy motived colleague.

Dark Side: Not sure if that was a compliment or insult…but I’m letting it slide, Goody-TwoShoes.  Let’s start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do, and then we’ll research some jobs we might enjoy doing…..

Knight: Wait…did you just say, “Start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do” in reference toWOMEN with which we may wish to pursue a romantic interest, you amoral cad?!?

Dark Side: Quit getting tangled up in the semantics. Broads to do. Women to date…same thing.

Knight: You sorry excuse for a man…I’ll not tolerate this out of you further.

Dark Side: Dammit, Vagina Avenger! Can we focus on the tasks at hand?

Knight: Was that another snide, underhanded shot at describing fondling breasts?

Dark Side: That’s it! I’m f*cking you up!!!

(Dark Side and the Knight start brawling….while behind them in the corner…in the shadows…a figure slides out of view…)

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Shut up! Shut up!! Shut the ever-loving f*ck up!!!  Dammit!!!!

I want some Taco Bell…softshell supremes…with Verde sauce…

I need a nap…and a shower…a bowl of cocoa pebbles sounds good…maybe watch some Archer re-runs on Netflix?  Maybe I’ll play some Call of Duty with Subzero…shoot some mofos?

I need to do laundry..Gotta get those damn taxes handled in the morning…and get the oil changed…and put that damn wheel tax sticker in my window…and dammit, dammit, dammit!!!! I’m melting down here….somebody smack in the back of the damn head, please???

Ghost out…

Guest Blogger Friday…Say hello to Lemon!

Howdy, Ghost fans…

Welcome to Guest Blogger Friday…where I kidnap bloggers and force them to do my dirty work….so I can screw off!

Got my day started with a text from a couple of ladies, and my dog freaking out as I was trying to bring him…where he appears to have killed something in the back yard and was eating/playing with it’s parts…and in his mad dash into the house, he slams me into the doorframe and tears part of my right thumbnail….you rotten little motherf*cker!!!!

Well, anyway…

Today we have Lemon…there’s also a video you’ll need to click on.

http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/04/12/the-escalator-video/

This one today will hopefully get you thinking about your perspective, and how you view your life.

If you think it’s sh*t…it will be.

Your attitude makes the entire difference…like laughing at my hand tremors…they’re less funny when they happen to my eye…but I try to laugh then too.  Life’s too short.  Find humor in everything you do….you’ll enjoy a lot more of your life.

Ghost out…

Thanks Lemon for being a dear and letting me slack today!

Ohhhhh….the sh*t that comes out of Ghost’s mouth…

Ghost fans…

Had a couple good days the last two days…still laughing when I get the hand tremors…

Thought I’d risk an upper body work out today.  We’ll see how that works. Probably try to run some tomorrow. 

Thought I’d share some stupid things that have come up in my life here recently.

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Ghost–”Why is she such a crazy b*tch?”

     —Friend replies, “Do you know any ‘rational/logical ones’?”

Ghost– “Fair point.”

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At Work—

Ghost–”Here’s the phone, man.”

–Coworker, “Oh, I’m not using it anymore.  But ‘Frank’ is.”

Ghost–”I was just in the office with him…why didn’t he ask for it?”

–Coworker, “Because he’s f*cking stupid.”

(Why yes, yes he is…certainly walked into that one did I.)

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On, Halloween, Ghost went as Will Ferrell’s character in Semi-Pro, Jackie Moon. 

(THIS GUY!!!!)

This conversation happened with my mom, now keep in mind….that there was NO lead in to this conversation…It starts COLD, just like this:

“Hey, your Halloween costume is getting a sequel?”

Me — “What?”

Mom– “You know, that Will Ferrell guy that I don’t like? He announced he’s doing a sequel to that movie…you know..Anchorguy…Ron Jeremy?”

Me—(Literally rolling on the couch in a fit of laughter) “Oh sh*t, Mom!  That’s totally going in my blog.”

Mom– “Why?”

Me– “Ron BURGUNDY, Mom.  Ron Jeremy is a porn star…I went as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro, anyway.”

Mom– “F*ck you.  You knew what I meant.”

(Stay Classy, San Diego.)

(Stay Trampy, Everywhere else!!! Hey, Ghost..can you introduce me to that Snarky Kat chick?)

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Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 online with Subzero….

Random (good) player… “Man, you guys suck!  We completely dominated your asses.  If I were you guys, I’d kill myself….that was pathetic.”

Ghost… “Well, sh*t for brains…I have a life outside of Gamerland…during our match I’ve been texting two different girls, I’m about to head out to run a couple errands, then I’m headed to a party later and maybe some karaoke.  Have fun camped out in your mommy’s basement, spanking it to internet porn tonight.  I’m out…”

Subzero laughing his ass off… “You told him, Ghost.”

Take two…

Random 14 year old (very good) gamer,  “You guys are absolute sh*t!  Do you even know how to play the game? You guys are the worst players I’ve ever seen.”

Ghost: “Well, Timmy…I worked all night at my JOB, I can’t play 16 hours a day to get as good as you are.  Secondly, when your mommy makes you get off here in about 15 minutes to go to Soccer practice, she and I are gonna hook up at the motel, while she “kills time” waiting to pick you back up. My sex life also cuts into my game time.”

Random 14 year (very good) gamer: “Go to hell, Ghost.”

(About 20 minutes later…and after Subzero goes off and annihilates everyone…The kind of streak where all you hear, is “Sit your ass down. Did I say you could get up?  I SAAAIIIIIDDD, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, FOOL!!!  Oh, Oh, Look out…Subzero kill cam!!!)

R14YO gamer: “Well, guys…I’m outta here.  I gotta go to swim practice.”

Subzero: “Hey Ghost, does that mean you have to go to the motel now?”

Ghost: “Nah, I can probably play a couple more before I have to go rock his mom’s world.”

(Everyone else online laughing….R14YOgamer logs off, never says another word.)

(Subzero says, ‘Sit your ass down! And don’t piss off the Ghost! Ask that Garage Door! GOG,GOG,GOG,GOG!!!!)

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Ghost on the phone with his daughter…

Princess– “Daddy, I love you more than hot dogs and macaroni and cheese!”

Ghost — “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Princess — “And Daddy, I love you more than ice cream too!”

Ghost — “Wow, I love you too more than hot dogs, ice cream AND macaroni and cheese together!!!”

Princess — “Daddy, all that stuff together would be gross.”

Ghost — “Well, Princess…I love you more than video games!”

Princess– “Wow, Daddy…that is a lot, A LOT!!!”

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On the phone with the Little Demon Sh*t from Hell…

LDSH: “Daddy, why did the Easter Bunny bring me a Buzz Lightyear with no helmet? What is THAT?  I was like…A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!! Wait, he has no helmet?  What is wrong with the Easter Bunny?

(Ghost, having no idea with his mother and the Easter Bunny conspired to get him)

Ghost: It must be a special one?

LDSH: I just found a helmet and fixed it. Crazy Easter Bunny.

(Dad, I think the Easter Bunny’s been sniffing glue again…he brought me a Buzz Lightyear…WITH NO HELMET, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????)

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Phone conversation with the 14 year old, Lost Demon…

Lost Demon: “So, I’m at school, and this kid calls me a fag in the hallway.  He’s like, ‘Drama is gay…you fag.’  So I said, ‘Really? I get to sing and dance with GIRLS….and watch their boobs bounce up and down, you know…cause we’re dancing….while you get to go strip down to your underwear, and roll around with a bunch of hot sweaty guys.  Who’s gay now?’”

(Ghost laughing pretty hard) “Well, buddy…that was a pretty good comeback. What did he say?”

LD: “Oh, nothing…about three weeks later he announced that he was bi-sexual.”

(Ghost facepalms) “In Junior High? Dear God, we were busy trying to figure out how to get into a girl’s pants in 8th grade…not deciding whose pants we liked being in better!”

LD: “Yeah, don’t worry dad…I’m not doing that stuff.”

Ghost: “Yeah…say what you want…but you know what’ll happen, right?”

LD: “Yeah, yeah….if you get a call from the the cops, the school, or some girl’s parents because I got arrested, my grades slipped or some girl is pregnant, you’re going to put your boots on, walk through some extra nasty stuff, and then put them so far up my butt that I’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom of them.”

Ghost: “As long as we’re on the same page.”

LD: “Yeah, I got it.”

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At a house party, with Subzero, That Effing Girl and 1Nightstand…

Ghost: “Hey, Subzero…they have barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

Ghost: “What? I said there’s barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

TFG: “Why do you keep bugging him about the damn barbecue?”

Subzero: “Go ahead and tell her, Ghost. Why do you keep reminding me that there is barbecue in the house?”

Ghost (laughing): ‘Cause he’s black….hahahaha…”

TFG (Looking all serious and slightly offended): “Ghost, you can’t say that!”

Subzero: “It’s all good. He’s my boy…and since he’s see thru clear, he ain’t really white.”

Ghost: “I bet if they had some sushi your ass would be in there. What up, my NIN-JUH?” (Subzero is also Japanese…we call him Black-anese.)

Subzero: “Oh, hell yeah..I’d be tearing some sushi up.”

Ghost: “I ain’t right.  I’m sorry y’all…I ain’t right.”

Subzero: “No…you aren’t.  But that’s why we like you.”

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Well, I figure I’ll wrap this up.  Supposed to be kicking it with the little terror trio this weekend.  Should be interesting. So until next time…

Ghost out…

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