Sh*t the Spectre says…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Well, we’ve got a week in the books since the Spectre’s surprise one-way ticket to Ghost’s doorstep.  Lots of video games and talking been done, and here are some gems to come my way via the unique perspective of my soon to be 15-year old:

Spectre: Hey, dad?  You ever hear many blonde jokes?
Ghost:  Please…I dated your mom…I’m pretty sure that SHE’S the reason that blonde jokes exist!
Spectre: Yeah…okay…I could see that.

Spectre: I used to be an adventurer like you…til I took an arrow to the knee.
(Any Skyrim nerds out there?)

Spectre: And for you American viewers out there….stuff happened in other countries that wasn’t “totally awesome” and didn’t involve explosions.

Subzero: How’s your boy doing?
Ghost: Oh, he’s mine alright…I get off work and walk in the door, he’s passed out on the couch, glasses on, PS3 on pause, clutching the controller….almost wouldn’t let go of it.
Subzero: Teaching that boy right, I see.  Haha.

Ghost’s mom: Oh, yes. We went to church, and one of the girls down the street asked me who that was who was with me.
Ghost (Looking at Spectre): NO!  Don’t even try to date that girl down the street…or either of her two sisters!  I grew up with their dad, and I’m just telling you right now, he’s my friend…I don’t want to run into him and have to avoid the, “So, your son’s banging my daugher…” awkward conversation.

(I guess my son is dating your daughter…but if you don’t lower that umbrella, I’m gonna have to kick your ass!)

Ghost(Playing Modern Warfare 3): Sit your ass down.  Oops, just shot your boy in his damn head…and another one….and another one…are you guys retarded?  Seriously…you run down that path..get shot in the head, and think, “Oh, I’m gonna get him!  I’ll just run back down that path and…dink…headshot….Oh, I’m really gonna get him now!!!!  I’ll just run back down that path, and…dink…headshot…”
Spectre: Did he tell you you could get back up?
Ghost: That’s right, little man!
Spectre: Aladeen, muthaf*cka!!!
(If you haven’t seen ‘The Dictator”, you won’t get it.)

Spectre(Laying on the couch): Man!  It’s only 9 am….
Ghost:  Be quiet…I normally sleep til 11 or 12…play video games or something…
Spectre: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…….

Spectre: Dad, the dog keeps trying to hump me.
Ghost: Punch him in the face.
Spectre: I can’t do that.
Ghost: Then he’s gonna keep trying it.
(Guido tries to hump Spectre’s leg again.)
Spectre: (Paff…he cuffs Guido across the snout) Get off me, dammit!
Ghost: See. Your dad knows things….now just remember that for when all the girls are wanting sex…I’m not trying to be a grandpa in the next 10 years.
Spectre: I know…I know…boot in my ass if I get someone pregnant.
Ghost: The muthaf*ckin’ U.N. is gonna be up in here talking about human rights violations, son!  Evil Dictators are gonna be calling me for tutorial lessons in torture.

(Yeah…kinda like that..but Guido is blonde, and weighs about 70 lbs and looks like Chewbacca!)

(Better set those blasters to stun!)

Well, Thursday is here and about gone.  Got a pretty cool guest blog lined up for tomorrow….meaning I stole that sh*t!!!!  AND YOU KNOW THIS, MANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, have a good one…stay safe….

Ghost out…

Smokin’ In The Boys Room…

Howdy Ghostfans…

Random midweek sh*t falling out of my head today…

Decided to give each one of the five voices running around up between my ears a chance to sound off today….I’ll make them do a quick introduction so you new peeps can know what the hell is going on…

(Did he just say he has ‘voices’ inside his head?)

Yep…doesn’t everyone?  No?  Huh…don’t you get lonely then?  Sometimes I have to to work at getting them to shut up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world….plus I can’t….I’ve tried…those bastards won’t get out!

Anyway, let’s get this started…first up…Dark Side.

Yeah…I ain’t doin’ introductions.  I kick ass, find awesome stuff to do, and try to keep the other retreads from talking too much when women are around.  The character of Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” was modeled after me….true story.

Check it, hookers!

It’s true.  You aren’t wanted.  That guy or girl that NEVER returns texts, calls or voicemails….yeah….they want you to run away.  Plus, if you’re awesome…like me…they don’t deserve a second thought…piss on them. 

I’m bored…and out.  Dark Side rules!

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Next up, Pathos…

Hey there, I’m Pathos.  I’m the passion and drive.  The hope and the light in this strange condo of craziness here in Ghost’s head.  The poet…the writer…the dreamer…

(Shut up already, and get on with it before you make us start ovulating, sock monkey!)

Dark Side is just so emotionally stunted sometimes.

Anyway, Ghost applied for a really great position inside of Giganticorp, and actually got an email back from the hiring manager saying that he has to wait until the closing date of the posting to review credentials and set interviews, but that he liked Ghost’s info.  We got our hopes up for this one!

Also, we found out that we’ll be moving to that lab job for sure on 3rd shift on June 18th!  Hello, Air Conditioning. Goodbye, sweaty, smelly, weirdly hazy factory floor!

Have had a few ladies chatting with us recently…

(They’re hollering at us, cause we’re dead sexy, and they want some Dark Side ‘forces’ applied to that ass!)

You’re such a cretin, Dark Side.  They’re interested in more than our ‘lightsaber’ skills, you wretch.

Anyway, in closing, Ghost has been struggling with this Myastenia Gravis pretty significantly.  Been hard to do much, other than get up, go to work, and sleep.  Ghost has been playing a lot of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 and watching Netflix. 

(Yeah, that bastard has gotten pretty good with that sniper rifle, and now that he unlocked that Thermal Scope, it just ain’t fair…my Force abilities and Nerdboy’s logic/strategery, and we be smoking some fools!!!)

(We seeeeeee you!  Sit your ass down, like our boy Subzero’s been telling you!!!)

You had your turn!  Stop interrupting me!!!!

Jackass!!! 

That’s about all I had.  Thanks for taking the time to read us.  We appreciate it.

(Fricking pansy!)

Sigh….

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This next guy is difficult to deal with…his name is Everto.  He represents the depressed, self loathing, self desctructive parts of Ghost….his inner demon…if you will.  Those parts damaged by the teasing and bullying as a child…the parts that never will believe they deserve anything good in life.  Most of the time….he just asks negatively charged questions….sort of mutters to himself.

(Yeah…Everto is a bit scarier than Peter Parker in a Black Spidey Suit.)

(Any Supernatural fans out there? Scary like this guy.)

Ever wonder if that part of you that’s capable of love can be broken…not like damaged and repaired, but destroyed?  Rendered useless.  Never get that ‘butterfly’ feeling in your stomach ever again? 

Ever lose control of yourself..not like your temper, but have your body stop responding to basic commands?  Every worry, every time you have a weird ache/pain/muscle spasm if you’re slowly crawling your way towards a wheel chair…or a coffin? Ever have trouble talking or swallowing…and worry that you’re not going to be anything but a vegetable…sitting in a corner in your own waste…just drooling on yourself…unable to do anything…but secretly be mentally sharp, and trapped inside of a body that doesn’t work…the most horrible prison ever imagined.

Don’t think I didn’t notice, Ghost.  When you swallow…that stuff…accidentally going down the wrong pipe…yeah…that HAS been happening a little more often hasn’t it?  Been sleeping an awful lot.  Not hearing the phone ring…sleeping through alarms…those muscle spasms in your left tricep and forearm that were actually moving the whole arm…not quite as cute as the weepy right eye or the hand tremors while you’re playing Call of Duty are they?

Harder to laugh that sh*t off, isn’t it?

How about those migraines?  You’re not supposed to be taking pain pills daily for them.  That double vision and the accompanying headaches are a b*tch aren’t they?  What are you going to do when you can’t bring your eyes to focus on that computer screen, huh?

Not like you can go back out in the shop and swing that sledge hammer now, can ya?

(The Knight says you’ve had enough time, demon.  You’re finished.)

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Next up, our resident nerd…Prodigy…the guy who started naming off all of the men who’ve played Batman in movies…who’s currently researching grad school programs and chasing his damn tail around his lab trying to come up with some conclusions.

(Dammit, Dark Side!  What happened to Prodigy’s picture?)

(***Side note explanation for Ghost’s mum… GTFO is short for Get The F*ck Out.)

“This entry cannot be completed as assigned, due to the constantly shifting variables concerning our future, and the difficulty in plotting a course when your destination is unknown and perpetually in motion.”

My apologies for the inconvenience this may have caused.

—Prodigy

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Bringing us home is the White Knight…Ghost’s resident defense mechanism and moral compass.  He works to keep us from straying too far from the course…avoid traps…in general…he’s our internal boy scout.

Gentlemen…seriously…we need to come up with a plan and execute here. 

We do not have a single area of our life under control, nor a plan for coping with the current issues at hand.

Dark Side…quit chasing women…put down the whiskey bottle, and get over here.

Pathos…(snap, snap)….get your heads out of the clouds and stop daydreaming…

Prodigy…Get out of the lab, put down the laptop…stop pacing, get over here and sit down.

Everto….get lost…we got this…if we need a tie breaking vote, we’ll toss a damn coin.

The rest of you…get the hell out of Ghost’s head…we got sh*t to do!

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Hope your Hump Day is Happy! 

(Dammit Dark Side!..Oh, screw it.)

Ghost out…

Guest Blogger Friday…Say Hello…to the Dark Side…

Howdy Ghost Fans…

Thought since I’d been getting these types of questions recently:

How many people help you write your blog?

Who is Pathos?  Who is Dark Side?

How do you organize all of the people who write for you?

I figured that I’d explain.

It’s all me.  Except sometimes on Fridays.  Then I’ll say, I kidnapped someone and am reblogging their material.

There are 5 different personalities that make up the Ghost….yep, 5 different voices that run around up between my ears.  They all have names: The White Knight, Dark Side, Prodigy, Pathos and Everto.

The White Knight is the good guy, the guy who plays by the rules. Dark Side is my inner bad boy…very into having a good time.  Prodigy is my inner nerd, who can sit an talk about programming hearing aids and corrective hearing loss algorithms, and carry on debates about the possibility of time travel and worm holes.  Pathos is my inner passion and sensitive guy…he pushes everyone…he’s the guy who believes in finding love.  Then….there’s Everto….the demon.  He’s the self-destructive asshole…mean, vicious….the inner self-doubt, the tormentor.

Well, I wrote introductory pieces for each of them awhile back…

Since today is May 4th, it’s appropriate on InterGalactic Star Wars Day to re-run Dark Side’s piece.

Enjoy.

Oh, Go watch The Avengers.  The future Mrs. Ghost plays a major role, and the movie just f*cking rocks.  The Hulk steals the damn show though.  Puny little god.

Ghost out…

Origins of the “Dark Side”….

(If you were too dumb to figure it out…click on the funny colored words right above for the story.)

Ghost Sports review….and other stuff…

Howdy Ghost fans…

First, my “teams” are the St. Louis Cardinals (defending World Champs, y’all!),

the Cleveland Browns (Dawg Pound for life!), 

Phoenix Suns (Steve Nash is the man, and if he retires this season, the league is losing one helluva man, let alone a player.)

and the Washington Capitals (who just knocked off the defending champs Boston in 7 straight One-goal games, including 4 OT games.)

Explaining the wild diverse span there will take far too much time….so I’ll try to boil it down…I started playing football in junior high, and didn’t want to root for the local team just because they were good, so while playing Tecmo Bowl on the NES, I started trying out different squads…Let’s just say that Bernie Kosar, Clay Matthews and Ozzie Newsome made an impact on me.  Throw in Kevin Mack, Webster Slaughter, Gerald “The IceCube” McNeil, Eric Metcalf and the list goes on…I found my team.  They were pretty darn good late 80′s/early 90′s…I got hooked.

The Phoenix Suns were a little more complicated.  My favorite player growing up was Charles Barkley.  I briefly rooted for the Sixers, but when he got traded to Phoenix (where I have some cousins) I had a team.  From Kevin Johnson to Dan Majerle to Jason Kidd to Steve Nash…and briefly the Big Shaqtus…How could I forget the Matrix? I found a team that I liked and wanted to root for.

I’ve always been a St. Louis Cardinal fan.  Dad loved them, and where I’m from, you either root for the Redbirds or the Cubs.  Never really considered anything else.

The Caps?  Well, from the early NHL video games on Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo, Dino Ciccarelli, Dale Hunter, Al Iafrate and Don Beaupre were it.  They had cool uniforms, and Iafrate could beat that ass!  Dale Hunter could throw down too.  In the old days, you had to just keep running into guys til someone would fight….you wanted to stay the F*CK away from Marty McSorley of the Kings and Bob Probert of the Red Wings..those dudes would end your night quick!!!

Which actually brings me back to my original point…even in the early days of these hockey games, when you could start creating players, you couldn’t make black dudes…there weren’t any in the NHL and they just weren’t an option….but the game 7 winning goal last night was scored by the only black player on the Caps squad, Joel Ward.

And people started tweeting all sorts of ignorant racist sh*t.

http://espn.go.com/nhl/playoffs/2012/story/_/id/7858832/2012-stanley-cup-playoffs-joel-ward-washington-capitals-not-letting-racist-tweets-ruin-biggest-goal

This was an EPIC series.  A number 7 seed upsetting a number 2.  In seven straight one-goal games with four OT matches tossed in there too!  Just great hockey.  The young Caps Goaltender going head to head with the dude who stood on his head and lead the Bruins to the championship just the year before.

The Capitals head coach was pulling their best scorer with leads, to play more defensive minded players.  Just a ton of strategy and nail biting.

Why the f*ck is race even still an issue?  Grow the hell up people.  I guarantee if those same morons tweeting last night had a black player on the Bruins score the game winning goal, that same kind of nonsense wouldn’t have been coming out of their mouth.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise anyone that ignorance is still alive and kicking.  Do everyone a favor…and smack any friends or family who you hear talking like this.  It’s seriously time to put an end to this crap.  Make the effort to smack the ignorance out of people today.  I’ll work on getting my lawyer buddies to draft a law to get Congress to approve.  If you hear someone spouting off “hate speech” you are free to slap the piss out of them.  We’ll call it Preemptive Applied Reeducation Therapy.  If it prevents hate crimes or just keeps people from staying stupid sh*t, it’s totally worth it.

(Hold still. Let me slap that out!!!)

Think we can get this law to pass?  Is anyone really in opposition to it?

Ghost out…

Guest blogger Friday! April 20, 2012 edition

What’s up, f*ckers? (Channeling my Steve Stiffler from the American Pie movies.)

Hey Cub fans…here’s what you have to  brag about at this very moment:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10	POFF
St. Louis	9	4	.692	-	4-2	5-2	73	42	+31	Lost 1	7-3	73.9
Milwaukee	6	7	.462	3	3-3	3-4	54	67	-13	Lost 1	5-5	39.7
Pittsburgh	5	7	.417	3.5	2-1	3-6	26	35	-9	Won 2	4-6	7.4
Cincinnati	5	8	.385	4	3-3	2-5	39	56	-17	Won 1	3-7	14.2
Houston	4	8	.333	4.5	3-3	1-5	46	49	-3	Lost 4	3-7	6.1
Chicago Cubs	3	10	.231	6	2-5	1-5	46	67	-21	Lost 5	2-8	8.9

Yep…Didn’t even make it to May and your asses are in the basement…Bahahahahahaha!!!!!

Where did you all go?  You were so vocal about the ring presentation in St. Louis. 

Crickets…..crickets….

Oh well…as you know, Ghost takes Friday’s off to play video games and chase women…or run from women chasing him…however it’s working that day…

Anyway, here’s a woman’s take on strip clubs…given that I used to date a “dancer”, I found this take remarkably uncontroversial…and at the same time…humanized the “strippers”.  Having spent time with “dancers” while they’re not at work…I can attest…some of them actually are quite interesting people.

Without further ado…I give you 21st Century and her take on strip clubs:

http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/6-things-you-dont-know-about-strip-clubs/

Have fun this weekend b*tches!

Ghost has been invited to work security for roller derby, go to beerfest, and has a couple of ladies trying to catch the Ghost for what he can only assume is branding and then getting locked in a corral.  Oh yeah..and then he’s working Sunday again.

Should be some interesting stories this weekend anyway.

Ghost out…

What does Ghost want to be when he grows up?…

Howdy Ghost Fans,

First order of business….The Succubus dislikes her nickname…so, she’s being renamed.

This is permanent…and irrevocable…(unless I think of something that I find more humorous, or that pisses her off even more.)

From here going forward, she will now be known as:

She Who Must Not Be Named…or SWMNBN.

My oldest was a huge Harry Potter fan.  I managed to plan a family vacation one year and didn’t realize that the midnight release of the “Half Blood Prince” was going to happen while we were out of town.  I called the local Borders near the hotel, and the manager slipped me a bogus number in line, AND gave me one of the special Harry Potter boxes that they receive the books in.  I tore some resume paper and tied it with a red ribbon and wrote him a note from Harry Potter and set the box out on our balcony.

When he woke up, I told him an owl dropped it off.  He was pretty geeked about it.

(Go shop at Borders.  They take care of their customers. )

So anyway, she gets her nickname from the main evil character in the Harry Potter series.

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Next order of business….I am truly losing my ever-loving mind.

Subzero is my boy…and when I’m worried that I’m slipping a belt, I usually chat with him.  Our text convo went sort of like this:

Subzero- What’s up, Manwhore?

Ghost – Well, I have a few ladies hollering at me, I’m sitting at work making double-time…and there is almost no work to be done, my kids are awesome…can’t really complain.

SZ- That’s cool. Ghost is the man with the ladies…Haha.

Ghost- I’m feeling the need to do something stupid..or just hide for like three weeks at home and play video games.

SZ- Lmao…do both.

Ghost- I really think I’m losing my damn mind..like EXTRA Ain’t Right.

SZ- Haha

(Not exactly what I was looking for, but it made me feel better….it really isn’t advisable to encourage me to do something stupid….Dark Side and Pathos are cooking something up….it could be amazing….could be stupendously idiotic…)

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Prodigy: This work, school, whole “do something with your life” is a real conundrum.

Knight: Yes, do we do something honorable/noble…do we search out our “calling” as intended by our creator?

Prodigy: Or do we research job fields that we hold talent in that have excellent employment opportunities emerging?  Do we go back to school to get a special certification or retrain to do something completely different?

Knight: We can’t let the Emotional One decide…and letting Dark Side plan our future is like putting a drug addict in charge of guarding the pharmacy…

Prodigy:  How do we decide?  We have a good job, but we really aren’t being challenged.  We could be earning so much more doing something else…or doing something we love to do…or something we’re good at….or something we’re good at AND love to do….or something that just pays us A LOT OF MONEY THAT WE HATE…OR…OR…OR….

Dark Side (Sliding in, cuffs Prodigy in the back of the head): Go sit down nerd…before you have a melt down.

Prodigy wanders off muttering to himself…

Pathos: Well, I think we should…

(Interrupting, Dark Side and the White Knight both say simultaneously) WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO!!!

Dark Side: (Sarcastically)Follow our heart…to our calling!

Knight: The problem is friend…there are five of us up here…we’re all good at different things…enjoy different things, WANT different things….selecting the ONE path for all of us is difficult.

Dark Side: Throw in this whole “One woman at a time” policy that Ghost makes us adhere to, and now we’re forced to try to pick out a career path AND settle on a broad!

Pathos:  It really is difficult…there are so many choices.  If we settle for one now, what if we meet someone in a couple of weeks?  What if we wait too long, and lose out one something with someone now?  What if…what if…what if….

Dark Side: (Smacking Pathos in the back of the head) Go sit down, Romeo….before you get your tights wadded up in a bunch.

Pathos wanders off muttering to himself.

Knight: We have to keep our wits about us…lest that foul git Everto strike again.

Dark Side: I know.  We have got to get a f*cking plan in place though.  Those two are going to wind themselves up until they pop.  You got any ideas how to sort this out?

Knight: Not at the present, my shadowy motived colleague.

Dark Side: Not sure if that was a compliment or insult…but I’m letting it slide, Goody-TwoShoes.  Let’s start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do, and then we’ll research some jobs we might enjoy doing…..

Knight: Wait…did you just say, “Start compiling a list of stuff we might want to do” in reference toWOMEN with which we may wish to pursue a romantic interest, you amoral cad?!?

Dark Side: Quit getting tangled up in the semantics. Broads to do. Women to date…same thing.

Knight: You sorry excuse for a man…I’ll not tolerate this out of you further.

Dark Side: Dammit, Vagina Avenger! Can we focus on the tasks at hand?

Knight: Was that another snide, underhanded shot at describing fondling breasts?

Dark Side: That’s it! I’m f*cking you up!!!

(Dark Side and the Knight start brawling….while behind them in the corner…in the shadows…a figure slides out of view…)

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Shut up! Shut up!! Shut the ever-loving f*ck up!!!  Dammit!!!!

I want some Taco Bell…softshell supremes…with Verde sauce…

I need a nap…and a shower…a bowl of cocoa pebbles sounds good…maybe watch some Archer re-runs on Netflix?  Maybe I’ll play some Call of Duty with Subzero…shoot some mofos?

I need to do laundry..Gotta get those damn taxes handled in the morning…and get the oil changed…and put that damn wheel tax sticker in my window…and dammit, dammit, dammit!!!! I’m melting down here….somebody smack in the back of the damn head, please???

Ghost out…

Ohhhhh….the sh*t that comes out of Ghost’s mouth…

Ghost fans…

Had a couple good days the last two days…still laughing when I get the hand tremors…

Thought I’d risk an upper body work out today.  We’ll see how that works. Probably try to run some tomorrow. 

Thought I’d share some stupid things that have come up in my life here recently.

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Ghost–”Why is she such a crazy b*tch?”

     —Friend replies, “Do you know any ‘rational/logical ones’?”

Ghost– “Fair point.”

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At Work—

Ghost–”Here’s the phone, man.”

–Coworker, “Oh, I’m not using it anymore.  But ‘Frank’ is.”

Ghost–”I was just in the office with him…why didn’t he ask for it?”

–Coworker, “Because he’s f*cking stupid.”

(Why yes, yes he is…certainly walked into that one did I.)

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On, Halloween, Ghost went as Will Ferrell’s character in Semi-Pro, Jackie Moon. 

(THIS GUY!!!!)

This conversation happened with my mom, now keep in mind….that there was NO lead in to this conversation…It starts COLD, just like this:

“Hey, your Halloween costume is getting a sequel?”

Me — “What?”

Mom– “You know, that Will Ferrell guy that I don’t like? He announced he’s doing a sequel to that movie…you know..Anchorguy…Ron Jeremy?”

Me—(Literally rolling on the couch in a fit of laughter) “Oh sh*t, Mom!  That’s totally going in my blog.”

Mom– “Why?”

Me– “Ron BURGUNDY, Mom.  Ron Jeremy is a porn star…I went as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro, anyway.”

Mom– “F*ck you.  You knew what I meant.”

(Stay Classy, San Diego.)

(Stay Trampy, Everywhere else!!! Hey, Ghost..can you introduce me to that Snarky Kat chick?)

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Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 online with Subzero….

Random (good) player… “Man, you guys suck!  We completely dominated your asses.  If I were you guys, I’d kill myself….that was pathetic.”

Ghost… “Well, sh*t for brains…I have a life outside of Gamerland…during our match I’ve been texting two different girls, I’m about to head out to run a couple errands, then I’m headed to a party later and maybe some karaoke.  Have fun camped out in your mommy’s basement, spanking it to internet porn tonight.  I’m out…”

Subzero laughing his ass off… “You told him, Ghost.”

Take two…

Random 14 year old (very good) gamer,  “You guys are absolute sh*t!  Do you even know how to play the game? You guys are the worst players I’ve ever seen.”

Ghost: “Well, Timmy…I worked all night at my JOB, I can’t play 16 hours a day to get as good as you are.  Secondly, when your mommy makes you get off here in about 15 minutes to go to Soccer practice, she and I are gonna hook up at the motel, while she “kills time” waiting to pick you back up. My sex life also cuts into my game time.”

Random 14 year (very good) gamer: “Go to hell, Ghost.”

(About 20 minutes later…and after Subzero goes off and annihilates everyone…The kind of streak where all you hear, is “Sit your ass down. Did I say you could get up?  I SAAAIIIIIDDD, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, FOOL!!!  Oh, Oh, Look out…Subzero kill cam!!!)

R14YO gamer: “Well, guys…I’m outta here.  I gotta go to swim practice.”

Subzero: “Hey Ghost, does that mean you have to go to the motel now?”

Ghost: “Nah, I can probably play a couple more before I have to go rock his mom’s world.”

(Everyone else online laughing….R14YOgamer logs off, never says another word.)

(Subzero says, ‘Sit your ass down! And don’t piss off the Ghost! Ask that Garage Door! GOG,GOG,GOG,GOG!!!!)

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Ghost on the phone with his daughter…

Princess– “Daddy, I love you more than hot dogs and macaroni and cheese!”

Ghost — “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Princess — “And Daddy, I love you more than ice cream too!”

Ghost — “Wow, I love you too more than hot dogs, ice cream AND macaroni and cheese together!!!”

Princess — “Daddy, all that stuff together would be gross.”

Ghost — “Well, Princess…I love you more than video games!”

Princess– “Wow, Daddy…that is a lot, A LOT!!!”

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On the phone with the Little Demon Sh*t from Hell…

LDSH: “Daddy, why did the Easter Bunny bring me a Buzz Lightyear with no helmet? What is THAT?  I was like…A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!! Wait, he has no helmet?  What is wrong with the Easter Bunny?

(Ghost, having no idea with his mother and the Easter Bunny conspired to get him)

Ghost: It must be a special one?

LDSH: I just found a helmet and fixed it. Crazy Easter Bunny.

(Dad, I think the Easter Bunny’s been sniffing glue again…he brought me a Buzz Lightyear…WITH NO HELMET, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????)

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Phone conversation with the 14 year old, Lost Demon…

Lost Demon: “So, I’m at school, and this kid calls me a fag in the hallway.  He’s like, ‘Drama is gay…you fag.’  So I said, ‘Really? I get to sing and dance with GIRLS….and watch their boobs bounce up and down, you know…cause we’re dancing….while you get to go strip down to your underwear, and roll around with a bunch of hot sweaty guys.  Who’s gay now?’”

(Ghost laughing pretty hard) “Well, buddy…that was a pretty good comeback. What did he say?”

LD: “Oh, nothing…about three weeks later he announced that he was bi-sexual.”

(Ghost facepalms) “In Junior High? Dear God, we were busy trying to figure out how to get into a girl’s pants in 8th grade…not deciding whose pants we liked being in better!”

LD: “Yeah, don’t worry dad…I’m not doing that stuff.”

Ghost: “Yeah…say what you want…but you know what’ll happen, right?”

LD: “Yeah, yeah….if you get a call from the the cops, the school, or some girl’s parents because I got arrested, my grades slipped or some girl is pregnant, you’re going to put your boots on, walk through some extra nasty stuff, and then put them so far up my butt that I’ll be able to taste what’s on the bottom of them.”

Ghost: “As long as we’re on the same page.”

LD: “Yeah, I got it.”

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At a house party, with Subzero, That Effing Girl and 1Nightstand…

Ghost: “Hey, Subzero…they have barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

Ghost: “What? I said there’s barbecue in there.”

Subzero: “I’m good.”

TFG: “Why do you keep bugging him about the damn barbecue?”

Subzero: “Go ahead and tell her, Ghost. Why do you keep reminding me that there is barbecue in the house?”

Ghost (laughing): ‘Cause he’s black….hahahaha…”

TFG (Looking all serious and slightly offended): “Ghost, you can’t say that!”

Subzero: “It’s all good. He’s my boy…and since he’s see thru clear, he ain’t really white.”

Ghost: “I bet if they had some sushi your ass would be in there. What up, my NIN-JUH?” (Subzero is also Japanese…we call him Black-anese.)

Subzero: “Oh, hell yeah..I’d be tearing some sushi up.”

Ghost: “I ain’t right.  I’m sorry y’all…I ain’t right.”

Subzero: “No…you aren’t.  But that’s why we like you.”

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Well, I figure I’ll wrap this up.  Supposed to be kicking it with the little terror trio this weekend.  Should be interesting. So until next time…

Ghost out…

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Email pics, rants, raves, whatever to: Irish.Ghost28@Gmail.com

We may start posting fan pics…just cover your face, and make it real.

Weekend update…

Ghost fans…

I’ve gotten away from tattling on my exploits….and I prolly owe you some dirt…so here goes…

I fessed up about this neurological disorder/immune system civil war type condition last week…pretty much run the whole gamut of emotions with this thing…

Better define that one for you:

gam·ut/ˈgamət/

 

Noun:

The complete range or scope of something: “the whole gamut of human emotion”. A complete scale of musical notes; the compass or range of a voice or instrument.

 

Been pissed off….sad…exhausted…laughed about it…and then back around to pissed again.

 

Thursday, I was thinking…man, work is kicking my ass….and then I got a couple texts about going out.

 

I really was going to go home….but Black Sabbath was twisting my arm.

 

We met up for some drinks at Little B’s spot.  I had a couple of beers.

Bounced over to the strip club….Sabbath is wearing a sport coat and this Green lantern pin on it….

I’m wearing a pair of jeans…my StL 2011 Champs stocking cap, and windbreaker and t-shirt…haha…

We had a couple of beers there, and his button must have been working, cause this girl from the Emerald City was under his spell.  This guy was getting numbers like crazy all night.

(She will give me her number…the power of the Green Lantern…Never fails!)

 

I’m pretty sure that I’ve said this before…really don’t care for strip clubs.  I prefer to unwrap my packages and like to be surprised….just not my thing.  There was this one girl who could move.  Damn, could that girl, MOVE.  The rotations and gyrations that her hips and the flow of her arms, etc….she was like…damn…I don’t know what…but it was noteworthy.

 

Listening to Sabbath go on about the Oompa Loompas tossing singles like I was tossing beads on St. Pat’s was a riot….the dancer under his spell was even laughing with us.  I sat there…drank two beers and jibbered in French and Spanish at her.  Again…not really my place…but it makes the Sabbath happy.  (Someone has to remember what he did/who he met, to remind him via text the next day…..Man, great time last night bro…You remember a Kari? or Lisa?….every damn time like clockwork.)

 

We went up to the Gay bar next, and I lost him……Again.

 

I wandered all up and down the main drag looking for his ass.  Finally….found him…BACK at the the Gay Bar. (How do you lose a 6’3″, very black dude in a purple sport coat?….his reply…I’m a ninja fool!)

 

During my travels, I ran into Captain America and Chainsaw….they were babysitting this chick who was passed out at the bar at an impossible angle…not sure how she was staying on the stool.

(Pretty sure this is what she looked like when they got her home.)

 

Best highlight of the night….watching the 20-something girl darn near strip down completely to show everyone in the bar her tattoos.

 

Grand total for the evening…6 bottles of beer and a calzone.

 

Yeah…not really feeling it….

 

This MG stuff sucks….starts in my face and hands…spreads out.

 

Spent Friday night playing some Call of Duty-MW3 with Subzero.  I’m an ass.  Run around with the blast shield and a grenade launcher….making people’s lives hell.  Love smashing guys with the shield….a lot of fun.  My other favorite is when they keep shooting the shield and they kill themselves with the ricocheting bullets…..when they pull out the RPG’s, I pause and try to back pedal QUICK….they usually get my ass though.  If they’re trying to be slick and stick a semtex grenade to me, I’ll charge them, and blow them up too.

 

Saturday was the LDoC…

The crap these kids say.

The girl- “I love you more than a popsicle, Dad.”

The big boy-”I’m gonna go to college, twice….and be the best starfighter pilot…EVER!!!”

Then…there’s the little one….

Sitting in the car seat in the middle across from his sister, he strokes his chin like he’s thinking and shouts, “I KNOW! How about I be NICE to you!!!”

 

He reaches over and gently pats his “sisser” (as opposed to his bruddah/brudder) and then folds his hands in his lap.

 

(Not what I was expecting…at all.)

 

We watched Mirror, Mirror.  Nice little flick.  No damsels in distress here.  Definitely a Girl’s kick butt movie.

 

Hit Barnes and Noble…bought the demons some reading material…teach them to love books early.  Hit McD’s for nuggets and playland action, then finished up with a trip to one of my friend’s Ice cream/Coffee shops.

 

I met this chick three St. Pat’s ago and have kept in touch here and there…she works like a rock star…goes to school, has picked up a fiance (Tell him to look me up on the PS3….Irish_Ghost28, if I’m not mistaken) and OWNS this Ice Cream/Coffee shop for the past year.  The girl is busy.

 

She Who Must Not Be Named showed to pick up the demons…I had forgotten that she was allergic to strawberries, and the little one….LOVES them like I do.  So I had to help him with his ice cream to keep it from running down his cone.  The girl loves the damn mint ice cream…like my old man used to.  Gabe is like his mum….Chocolate Brownie Fudege something or other….  Funny how they pick that stuff up.

 

Chatted with My Latina Overachieva for a bit after they left, and then drove my ass home….played some more CoD with my boy Subzero, and the hand twitch was full on in the right hand.

 

Sunday, the MG was bad….just slept most of the day…got up and played some video games around noon…showered and went to the Olive Garden with TFG.  We BS’d a bit.  Stuffed myself, and then headed over to the movies to watch 21 Jumpstreet…..laughed my ass off.  Had a good time. But, when I got home…the hand twitching was real bad…was doing it at lunch while I was trying to hold the menu.

 

Pretty much slept for about 16 hours.  Missed out on boardgame night with another friend…just physically was sucking ass.

 

That’s about it….nothing else extraordinary.

 

Still..managed to get out there and do something….instead of just sitting on the couch. F*cka yuuuuuu, Dohl-phinnnnn!!!!!!  No, f*cka you eMmmmm-Geeeeeee!!!!!!  (See South Park, Whale Whores episode.)

 

 

One day at a time….

 

Ghost out…

Ghost…you lazy prick…

Howdy, Ghost fans…

I’m still recovering from the St. Patrick’s Day Massacre…

Finally mustered up the courage to check the bank account online yesterday….

For somebody who was awake for pretty much 36 hours straight….and was drinking for about the last 25 of them….I did very well.

Still finding Derby Girl glitter on my person…afraid to wash my clothes with anything I like for fear of spreading the contamination…That hour long siesta in the back of their float truck, followed by the tossing out of beads at the masses was a ton of fun.

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I’m still getting texts from people like this:

I have a picture with you. When did I see you? I’m still can’t remember all of Saturday.

Well….

Neither can I.  I’m piecing it together from text messages, pictures popping up on Facespace where I was tagged, and pics in my own camera.

Anyway, as I’m attempting to find all of the pieces to put together a St. Pat’s post for you bastards, I’m going to resort to giving you lots of pictures with comments that I picked off the internet.  Funny or Die, Failblog.org….you know sites like that.

You should enjoy….gonna reblog this girl out of Austrailia for tomorrow.  You should dig her stuff too.  I’ll get my legs back under me soon….I hope…

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(It had to happen sooner or later…The Ghost Ex-Girlfriend Convention…..Hope this sh*t doesn’t become an annual event….Wait…the GXGC?  There should probably be some royalty earnings there?  Note to self:  Examine potential earnings windfall of such an event.)

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(More fun with translation!  This would be how one diagnoses the issues with the Ghost Ex-Girlfriend….I’m in trouble if they’ve devoted an ENTIRE department to that type of “Examination”.)

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(Seen a lot of these lately…Men…you know you’re guilty…Wait…is that the Left hand? Somebody’s been cheating on Ms. Right!)

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(Dear Lord, please get me this app for my company laptop!!!!!)

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(It doesn’t me….Cause I’d be needing to figure out ANOTHER way to dodge those darn Ghost addicts!)

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(Ladies…..I know you struggle with logic sometimes….but…care to explain here?)

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(Most important lesson of the day…Never mess with computer geeks…they can screw your life up in ways you can’t imagine.)

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Ghost out…

Random Ghost Rant…..

Midnight rants from the Ghost….

10) Dammit, Netflix! Why won’t the last 5 minutes of The Lincoln Lawyer play? Fix that sh*t!

9) Did I just read that right? On Facespace….did that chick who set a record for whining about men and drama in her life, just complain that other people’s status updates were annoying?  Wow….f*cking wow.

8) When I’m talking, shut the f*ck up.  If you ask me a question….stop talking and listen to me.  It’s called respect.

7) Gas pump…F*ck you!  Two times, you worthless son of a b*tch!!!

6) Deer. Get the f*ck back in the damn woods!!!!  It’s bad enough when you cross the road, quit f*cking playing in the street like we did as kids playing kickball.

5) Politicians….kill yourself.  In Japan, you would have been so terribly shamed by the performance of our economy and country that you would have fallen on your sword.  Have some honor…do us all a favor…and just die.

4) Dear Cubs fans….God bless you….I’m already laughing….I can’t even finish this rant….you’re just too damn funny!

3) Dear NFL…we don’t give a sh*t about bounties….in fact…we think they’re kind of cool.

2) Nancy Grace….go back to hell.  Nobody gives a sh*t about Whitney Houston’s will.  While I’m at it…EVERY NEWS STATION…f*cking turn off your broadcasts….you’re worthless.

1) Rhianna….you suck.  Take Chris Brown and get the f*ck out…now!

 

Quickie for ya.

Ghost out…