Well, we’ve got a week in the books since the Spectre’s surprise one-way ticket to Ghost’s doorstep. Lots of video games and talking been done, and here are some gems to come my way via the unique perspective of my soon to be 15-year old:
Spectre: Hey, dad? You ever hear many blonde jokes?
Ghost: Please…I dated your mom…I’m pretty sure that SHE’S the reason that blonde jokes exist!
Spectre: Yeah…okay…I could see that.
Spectre: I used to be an adventurer like you…til I took an arrow to the knee.
(Any Skyrim nerds out there?)
Spectre: And for you American viewers out there….stuff happened in other countries that wasn’t “totally awesome” and didn’t involve explosions.
Subzero: How’s your boy doing?
Ghost: Oh, he’s mine alright…I get off work and walk in the door, he’s passed out on the couch, glasses on, PS3 on pause, clutching the controller….almost wouldn’t let go of it.
Subzero: Teaching that boy right, I see. Haha.
Ghost’s mom: Oh, yes. We went to church, and one of the girls down the street asked me who that was who was with me.
Ghost (Looking at Spectre): NO! Don’t even try to date that girl down the street…or either of her two sisters! I grew up with their dad, and I’m just telling you right now, he’s my friend…I don’t want to run into him and have to avoid the, “So, your son’s banging my daugher…” awkward conversation.
(I guess my son is dating your daughter…but if you don’t lower that umbrella, I’m gonna have to kick your ass!)
Ghost(Playing Modern Warfare 3): Sit your ass down. Oops, just shot your boy in his damn head…and another one….and another one…are you guys retarded? Seriously…you run down that path..get shot in the head, and think, “Oh, I’m gonna get him! I’ll just run back down that path and…dink…headshot….Oh, I’m really gonna get him now!!!! I’ll just run back down that path, and…dink…headshot…”
Spectre: Did he tell you you could get back up?
Ghost: That’s right, little man!
Spectre: Aladeen, muthaf*cka!!!
(If you haven’t seen ‘The Dictator”, you won’t get it.)
Spectre(Laying on the couch): Man! It’s only 9 am….
Ghost: Be quiet…I normally sleep til 11 or 12…play video games or something…
Spectre: Dad, the dog keeps trying to hump me.
Ghost: Punch him in the face.
Spectre: I can’t do that.
Ghost: Then he’s gonna keep trying it.
(Guido tries to hump Spectre’s leg again.)
Spectre: (Paff…he cuffs Guido across the snout) Get off me, dammit!
Ghost: See. Your dad knows things….now just remember that for when all the girls are wanting sex…I’m not trying to be a grandpa in the next 10 years.
Spectre: I know…I know…boot in my ass if I get someone pregnant.
Ghost: The muthaf*ckin’ U.N. is gonna be up in here talking about human rights violations, son! Evil Dictators are gonna be calling me for tutorial lessons in torture.
(Yeah…kinda like that..but Guido is blonde, and weighs about 70 lbs and looks like Chewbacca!)
(Better set those blasters to stun!)
Well, Thursday is here and about gone. Got a pretty cool guest blog lined up for tomorrow….meaning I stole that sh*t!!!! AND YOU KNOW THIS, MANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, have a good one…stay safe….